


Gay Old Farts (Working Title)

by actualdilferwinsmith (ibreathethroughwords)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 3rd person present tense, Anal Sex, Babies, Daddy Kink, Drama, Fingering, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death, Modern AU, PTSD, PTSD flashbacks, Physical Disability, Riding, Smut, Torture, and death, eruri daddies, i could have organized those tags better i suppose, parenting, safe sex, which include torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 05:43:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1457884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibreathethroughwords/pseuds/actualdilferwinsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here they are now: they have a nice house in the suburbs, were married a little over a year ago, and have a baby son between them. The former street thug and military prodigy are a very unlikely pair, but Levi won’t have it any other way when all is said and done.</p><p>Then their peaceful lives suddenly go straight to Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Part Where Everyone's Sorta Happy

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a roleplay log with myself as Erwin and [nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com) as Levi. All other characters so far have just been traded off between us and passed around like cheap hookers at a millionaire's bachelor party. It's also hella long, so forgive me if I missed the odd phrase or occasional tense change.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now he’s in the middle of preparing pasta for dinner. Usually for a Sunday meal he’d be making a roast, but he’s a little pissed off at his husband today. Erwin know the rules- Sunday is family day, but Erwin had been called into HQ at some ungodly hour in the morning. He feels his anger flare a little just re-living the moment his mobile had rang, waking them both from deep sleep, and Levi had already known what it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going through and re-editing this to adjust names and ranks to be more coherent with _how every other military's ranking system actually works, **gdi, Isayama and Funimation**_. Subbing Shardis in for Pixis as well and correcting some minor editing mistakes are the other changes here.

Levi knows it’s usual for babies to cry, but he’s astounded by just how much his little boy can holler in just a day. The kid has some killer tonsils. He sighs heavily, as he had laid him down to his evening nap only half an hour ago, using the free time very wisely to get some of the household chores done; the dishes washed and put away, floors swept and mopped. Levi had put away the toys left out in the play room, hung out the laundry, folded up the clean clothes, and put them away.

Now he’s in the middle of preparing pasta for dinner. Usually for a Sunday meal he’d be making a roast, but he’s a little pissed off at his husband today. Erwin know the rules- Sunday is family day, but Erwin had been called into HQ at some ungodly hour in the morning. He feels his anger flare a little just re-living the moment his mobile had rang, waking them both from deep sleep, and Levi had already known what it would be. He internally cringes as he recalled the nasty things he had said to him in the heat of the moment, but it’s so frustrating when they are meant to be closer than ever, yet it feels like they are alienated more than ever.

He has to admit he understands perfectly well that becoming parents was never going to be easy, but Levi had underestimated just what a strain it would be on their personal relationship. Levi had pulled out of his job at the medical clinic to be here entirely for Armin, but Erwin still frequently has to work long hours to keep humanity safe.

In order to show him what’s what, there will be no roast beef for Erwin when he gets home.

“Oi you, keep it down else the neighbours are gonna call the cops on us,” he murmurs as he picks up the little bundle from his sleeping mat, holding him close and bouncing him gently up and down, cooing soothing words and sounds in his ear as he walks around the room. Most people think Levi hates children, given his stoic, cold and rather hostile exterior. It’s true – he’s never really been fond of the brats, mostly because they’re always dirty, noses running with snot and kids are loud. In reality Levi has a soft spot for them, and especially for theirs. Erwin loved kids, and wouldn’t shut up about having one until Levi had finally caved.

Armin, he just knows, is going to be the spitting image of Erwin. It wouldn’t be surprising, as after all he is biologically his child. His biological mother, Hanji, insisted they take her on as their surrogate when they voiced their thoughts on having a kid. At first they were hesitant, not wanting to dump such a colossal favour on her shoulders. She’s like a sister to them, and didn’t want this to affect the very close, unique relationship they had with her. They had gone through with it, and now they had their precious little boy who they absolutely cherished.

The baby’s wails quiet down to some pathetic sniffles and whimpers, nuzzling his face into his father’s warmth. Levi kisses the top of his head, where he has a few blond wisps of hair already, smoothing his back and humming a tune to get him back to sleep. Light streaming in from the window is followed by the purr of an engine and then the eventually slam of a car door, signalling to him that Erwin is home. He’s earlier than Levi has expected. Erwin’s probably guilt-stricken, skulking home like a puppy who knows he’s done wrong with his tail between his legs. He’ll have flowers too- he always brings Levi flowers when he does stuff like this, the idiot. He’s just a big Labrador dog.

Being called in on a Sunday is one of the worst feelings Erwin has ever known. When he had been promoted from First Lieutenant to Commander, the agreement had been that Sundays would be the day spent together as a family – especially after they'd had their son. On rare occasions, however, Erwin has no choice and has to come in when they call. He’s been the lead on the case of these terrorists known as the Titans, and his own people have had the most encounters with them. Usually, Erwin has his way with his own hours and gets weekends with his family. 

Sunday mornings are sacred to him, one of the two days he gets to sleep in, to wake up with Levi, to play all day with their son. This had been an emergency situation requiring his entire regiment’s attention, and Erwin had been given no choice. The good of the country came first, and how could he just sit at home when his knowledge might save people from dying? Still, Erwin feels terribly guilty for having to leave, for breaking his agreement with Levi, and he stops on the way home to pick up flowers – his usual apology. He makes sure to get at least one of each of Levi's favorites – an apology for the ungodly hour at which they'd been roused from sleep.

Erwin has known all day that he will be in trouble when he walks in the door, and he knows Levi is probably still furious, so he sits in the car to collect himself for a moment before getting out and letting himself quietly into the house so he won't wake the baby, just in case Armin is still having his nap. The flowers are quietly set down on the bench in hall as Erwin shuts and locks the door and then sets the alarm for the night.

“Levi?” he calls softly as he hangs up his coat and removes his shoes by the door. “I'm home.”

I know you’re home, idiot, the raven haired man thinks to himself, but it’s not in a bitter way. It’s endearing. Just hearing Erwin’s voice seems to have an instant effect on him- it soothes him, puts his hackles back down. 

It always pisses him off how he can never truly stay mad at Erwin. Even when sometimes their relationship has gotten to the point Levi has moved out of the house for a few days and stayed with Hanji, he can’t hold out long when Erwin comes to him seeking his comfort and return. They are whole when they are together, one seamless individual. People who know them well comment on this- but it came natural to them with Levi being his former subordinate in the military until the incident.

“Shh, I just got him back to sleep” He murmurs, an edge to his tone as Erwin walks into the baby’s room, but remains at the doorway, his huge form nearly taking up the entire entrance way. He knows to hold his distance until Levi gives him the okay. 

Once satisfied that Armin is fast asleep once again, he kisses his head one last time before placing him safely back down, making sure he can’t get tangled in any blankets as he slept. He turns on his little mobile made of stars and the moon which revolves slowly to some soft lullaby.

Turning, he walks to the doorway and is slightly exasperated when Erwin doesn’t actually move, just shifts his body and lifts his arm, and Levi passes under it easily. It’s a small, silent reminder of his superiority in size. Not that Erwin will ever abuse that advantage he had over his partner. Levi doesn’t see the need to say anything to him, but does spot the flowers in the hall. He glances for a second over his shoulder back at Erwin, his lips parting as if to say something, but he doesn’t, and walks on to the kitchen, leaving the bouquet there. “That’s not gonna work this time,” he finally does call to him from the other room in a raised voice, letting his annoyed tone be heard. 

Well, it had been worth a try. Erwin follows after Levi a moment later, taking a moment to himself to just watch the light of his life sleeping peacefully before he has to deal with his husband's anger. Levi is annoyed with him, as he has every right to be. The one day they set aside to stay at home together... Erwin isn't happy about it either, but he can't say no when his country needs him. If Levi’s angry enough for the flowers to be an insufficient apology, he can be certain his husband hasn’t seen the news coverage yet of the latest Titan attack. With a quiet sigh, Erwin loosens his uniform tie and joins Levi in the kitchen.

“I'm sorry,” he says. His tone is simple, honest, matching the look in his eyes. Levi has to be fully aware Erwin isn't happy about it either. The whole time he'd spent getting cleaned up and into his uniform that morning had been spent with Erwin grumbling silently about the situation under his breath – a side of him no one else got to see but Levi because he was rarely around anybody else that early in the morning. Every text message he'd sent – when he could get away with it – was spent mentioning how much he missed Levi and Armin and how desperately he loved them. It seems he’s going to catch hell anyway, despite his best efforts to avoid it. This isn't something that happened very often (though perhaps more often lately than they’d like), and they'd both known when Erwin had taken the promotion that he would be called in for emergency situations. 

That’s an argument he was keeping in the back of his mind for now, something to use to defend his actions this time. If he hadn't gone in, there was a good chance his husband and son might have been hurt along with thousands of others. Erwin had worked hard to provide his bosses with the information that had saved thousands of lives, and he refused to be made to feel guilty about that, even if they’d had to sacrifice four people and injure dozens of others to get that information that morning. The loss of life without him there would have been enormous, though he can’t tell Levi more than that since his husband is no longer an officer. Still, Erwin feels it should be enough. Levi hates death more than anybody else he knows. He rubs his left hand over the stump of his right arm and makes sure to keep eye contact with Levi, studying him carefully to analyze his reaction.

Levi’s lips twitch a little, pressing into a thin line that is so classic of him when he’s upset. His eyebrows knot together tightly in a scowl and his eyes are slit in an amusingly cat-like resemblance. He’s being a child about this, he knows. He knows Erwin had no choice, and that honestly Levi will never expect anything different from him. He has always put others first, humanity first, but sometimes Levi thinks Erwin forgets to put himself first and foremost. No: correction. He knows Erwin never puts himself ahead of others. He has stated to Levi on more than one occasion that he is replaceable, but no one can replace Erwin in Levi’s heart. The big oaf forgets that sometimes.

“No, you aren’t. Because if you were really sorry you would have done what I told you two years ago, and that’s to quit the military altogether,” he replies finally, banging pots and pans excessively loudly as he puts a pot of water on to boil.

When Erwin lost his arm, Levi had been out of active service due to a leg injury. He remembers so clearly the feeling of dread when Hanji had come bursting into his quarters, and just from the devastated look in her eyes he knew it was Erwin. He doesn’t like to recall how close Erwin had been to death, the sleepless nights Levi had spent by his side in the medical ward, trying to keep him asleep under the influence of a lethal amount of drugs for any other man, re-bandaging his bloody stump over and over, keeping on the pressure, until Levi’s finger nails were caked in his dried blood, his eyes red and swollen and unable to shed any more tears for him, blaming himself for not being there for Erwin.

In what had to have been the worst fight they had ever had, Levi had screamed at Erwin when he said he wasn’t going to leave the military. He had told him he was a fool, and that he would leave him and he would never speak to him again. Levi told Erwin that he didn’t give a damn if he threw his life away for a hopeless cause.

To date, it’s still the only time Levi has ever exposed the rawness of his feelings, a part of him he keeps locked away deep inside. His true fear is losing Erwin.

Here they are now: they have a nice house in the suburbs, were married a little over a year ago, and have a baby son between them. The former street thug and military prodigy are a very unlikely pair, but Levi won’t have it any other way when all is said and done.

“But I know work comes before family, so it really doesn’t matter, does it?” he adds in an almost snarl, swearing and jerking viciously as in his anger and erratic actions he burns his fingers on the naked flame of the stove. He looks right at Erwin, eyes dark. “You know Armin managed to pull himself up today? Yeah, and you weren’t there for it. So you can watch the damn video instead.”

Shame twists through Erwin at Levi's harsh words. When it comes to Armin, there isn't much that Erwin won’t do and he hates missing anything in their son’s young life. That said, he hasn't missed any other major milestones except for Armin's first time rolling over, and he seriously doubts he is the only father in the world who has to work instead of getting to stay home with the baby. Still, the comment stings, making him feel ashamed and sad that he has missed it. He knows it won’t be the last thing he misses before the war with the Titans is over and humanity is safe.

Levi always did know how to cut him down.

Erwin looks away, eyes cast to the floor as the guilt twists his stomach. He hadn’t really been sorry all day but he is definitely feeling that way now. The joy - the quiet pride – the sense of relief at preventing another terrorist strike by the group that called themselves the Titans, the group that had taken his arm from him in a negotiation attempt gone horrifically wrong – is gone. In its place Erwin feels miserable, and he stiffens, clenching his remaining fist at his side.

“I'll go wash up for dinner,” he says softly, not bothering to hide the emotions in his tone, and turns and leaves the room before the confrontation evolves into a bigger argument. 

Once away from the kitchen Erwin takes a deep breath to calm his emotions, to regain control over them, and goes to their bedroom. Changing his clothing with only one arm has taken quite a bit of getting used to and it is still a slow process even all these months later. The tie comes off first, is carefully hung up in its place, followed by the rest of his uniform. It takes a good five minutes for him to properly hang everything or toss it into the hamper. Erwin pulls on a pair of sweatpants and a clean t-shirt, and steps into the bathroom to wash his face and his hand. In a month he will be fitted for a prosthetic, and Erwin keeps his attention on wondering what that will be like as he dries his face instead of on how tense dinner is going to be.

When he feels ready - when he feels calm, and collected, and back in control – Erwin heads back downstairs to set the table for dinner.

Levi doesn’t realise he has been shaking until he tries to slice up some tomatoes and his fingers are trembling so much that he struggles to hold the knife steady. He puts down the steel and leans against the kitchen counter, exhaling deeply, pinching his brow with finger and thumb. He shouldn’t have said what he had. He had wanted to take back the words as soon as he said them, but at the same time, they needed to be said. He has kept his thoughts bottled up for a while now, and he never keeps anything from Erwin. It’s nearly impossible to anyway, because they can each read the other so perfectly.

He is terrified every day Erwin goes to work, as he’s never sure if he will be coming home. He doesn’t know a lot, but he knows this ‘Titan’ group is still as near impossible to hunt down as they were when he was still Erwin’s second-in-command. This group has no apparent motives; they simply want to cause people pain and senseless suffering as they sit back and watch the world burn.

They have relocated houses twice in the year they’ve been married for their own safety. They have only just settled in this home with Armin. Levi doesn’t even want to think about anything happening to Armin. He can handle himself, hell he can handle Erwin, but not his little boy.

He hears Erwin coming down the stairs. He stiffens.

Fuck, when did he start to cry?

They aren’t tears – Levi doesn’t cry like most people. His eyes just become bright, and the whites of his eyes turn slightly red. He tends to think it’s because he has no tears left in his body to shed. He hurriedly tries to wipe at them with his sleeve, and sniffs. Damn, his nose will be red now too.

He wants to run into that big oaf’s chest, and Erwin will know he’s sorry. Levi has too much damn pride to be the one to apologise and admit he’s wrong. Erwin is always the one to smooth the turbulent waters of Levi’s inner emotions. He is the only one who knows how.

At the bottom of the stairs, Erwin pauses, giving himself another moment to make sure his emotions are kept carefully in check. If both of them become emotional, there will be a fight that wakes the baby, and he doesn’t want Armin's childhood memories to be full of arguments between his fathers. Not his little boy. Reminding himself that, in Levi's eyes, he has seriously messed up this time, Erwin steels himself and heads into the kitchen. Cooking is near impossible for him these days, but Erwin can still set the table and handle loading and unloading the dishwasher. 

Levi's red eyes are the first thing Erwin notices. So this is the effect Erwin has caused by not being able to be forward about the classified reason he was called this morning? He looks down at the floor, keeps his eyes lowered and his face a mask as he goes about getting out plates and silverware. Seeing Levi upset has stung him ever since they became close and now that they are married and starting a family it is more a stabbing ache than a sting – especially when he is the one at fault in Levi’s eyes. The guilt tries to bubble up in him again – guilt at having to leave, guilt at upsetting Levi, guilt at not being able to save everyone who was lost in the night’s blast – but Erwin squashes it down. Thinking emotionally will not lead to good decisions: it never has, not for Erwin. Logic and strategy are his saving graces, and Erwin refuses to believe that they can't be used to help in his personal relationships as well.

Deciding that it would be best not to draw attention to Levi's crying, he kisses the top of Levi's head – another apology, but silent this time, sincere and humble – he heads to their table to put the plates and silverware down. Erwin takes a little more time than usual as he tries to think through his emotions and come to a decision that would be helpful in ending this fight.

Levi stands very still when Erwin gently kisses the top of his head as he passes him to set the table, not giving anything away. He knows what Erwin is trying to do and say. He is sorry, and Levi knows he means it from the bottom of his heart.

He can already feel his anger subsiding like waves, ebbing slowly back to the open ocean. Damn him. He always has this effect. Erwin knows that words really are meaningless to Levi: to him actions speak more than anything verbal can.

He glances back to him, at that broad back, seeing the muscles sometimes tense and stretch as he leans across the dinner table to set plates. His eyes slide to the stump of his arm. Levi swallows. He has no idea how long he may have with Erwin. Where’s the point in making their precious time miserable?

For the first time, Levi’s going to be the one to fix things. He clears the small space between them and wraps his arms around his waist, his body pressing flush to him, buries his face in the small of Erwin’s back. There is no fucking need for him to be so damn tall or wide. It’s embarrassing how his arms hardly stretch all the way around him. Then Levi turns him and he has to stretch way up on his tippy toes and even still pull him down some by his hands gripping his shoulders, and he makes their lips meet for a few seconds.

‘His mouth is always so clean’ Levi thinks, as their lips mould perfectly, and he feels as if time stands still a little. He also should shave, he adds, as he has a little stubble tickling his chin. Their eyes lock when Levi pulls away – sky blue and grey. “You’re an idiot” is all he mumbles, and if it was from anyone else, it would be insulting, but he knows Erwin will get it. Will get that Levi understands everything and that he doesn’t have to do anything, doesn’t have to think about leaving his job, or changing his future. It’s okay. 

Erwin isn’t expecting that Levi will apologize. Levi never has, and it’s always on Erwin to smooth things over, to back down and apologize, to claim that he’s the one in the wrong, even when he isn't. If the arms around him startle Erwin, being turned and kissed is even more surprising. Erwin arches an eyebrow and looks down at his husband, and his expression softens as he meets Levi's gaze. 

It’s an apology – an actual, real apology from Levi. That much is easy for Erwin to see, since he knows Levi about as well as he knows himself. What he doesn’t know is how to react to it. After a moment's consideration, Erwin leans in to kiss him again, sweetly, pouring his love for Levi into it before he pulls away and lifts his left arm to hold him close. The effect the apology has on Erwin's emotions is interesting: while he feels relieved, it also makes Erwin’s guilt a little worse. If Levi is upset enough to apologize, exactly how badly has Erwin messed up in his husband’s opinion? He resolves to make this up to Levi as soon as he can. Erwin is difficult to catch off-guard, but Levi has done an excellent job of throwing him off balance.

Levi loves how warm Erwin always is. The man just radiates heat 24/7, and Levi likes nothing better than to curl up into him as his own personal radiator at night when they snuggle in bed. He feels it now, and lets all his weight lean into him, wanting to have just this small moment to tuck away in the back of their minds to remember when things get bad. They always manage to get back on track, know how to turn this back on when something goes wrong.

The piercing wails of their son break their little moment and Levi pulls away instantly, jerking to attend to him but stopping himself, instead looking up at Erwin.

“You go get him, dinner’s probably ready anyway,” he says softly, untangling himself from his hold, hand lingering on his broad chest for a few seconds longer than strictly necessary to go back to attending the pasta. He waits for Erwin to leave before he goes into the hall and retrieves the flowers still abandoned there. He picks them up and takes the time to smell each of them, a small and rare smile gracing his lips. Erwin knows exactly what kinds Levi loves most.

He goes back to the kitchen and puts them in a vase with water, placing it on the dining table so it will be the first thing Erwin sees walking back into the room. He stirs the boiling pot of ravioli, then grabs Armin’s high chair from the corner of the room and puts it at the head of the table where the boy always sits, so he can have both his fathers on either side of him. Armin’s wails have gone silent, so he assumes Erwin has it all under control. 

Reluctantly, Erwin pulls away from Levi, but the hand that lingers on his chest brings a soft, loving smile to his lips. The cry of their son draws him, and Erwin is delighted that the tears stop when he opens the door. Armin has pulled himself to a standing position in his crib, and the sight of his son's accomplishment brings tears of joy to his eyes that come with pride swelling in his heart. Their beautiful boy smiles for him, and Erwin scoops him up in his one arm and kisses his cheek. 

A certain odor catches his attention, and Erwin makes a face. He talks to Armin as he lays him down on the changing table. Learning to manage a diaper change with one hand and a quarter of an arm had been difficult, but he's managing well these days. Once he's got the baby cleaned, dressed, and babbling to him, Erwin washes his hand and takes the baby downstairs with him. With Armin to distract him from Levi's anger and apology he's not so worried. When they enter the dining room Erwin is still cooing to Armin, talking to him and playfully biting his fingers every time he tries to put them in Erwin's mouth. It gets an excited squeal and a laugh out of their boy every time, and keeps a contented smile on Erwin's face. 

“Is dinner ready?” Erwin asks as he gets Armin into his high chair. Armin fusses a little, but is easily distracted by Erwin sitting down next to him to continue playing. Getting his face repeatedly smacked by tiny hands is a small price to pay to watch his baby's face light up after not getting to see him all day. A splash of color on the table catches Erwin's attention, and he notices the flowers he bought for Levi in the vase on the table. The sight makes him smile, but it also makes his chest constrict a little. He knows they're going to have to talk about this later. Levi might have apologized, but Erwin still feels terribly guilty, perhaps even more so for Levi feeling like he has to be sorry for his perfectly logical emotional response. The guilt shows in the tightening of his eyes a little, and it's a bit of a battle to squash it down and focus on keeping the baby happy.

Erwin is great with Armin. Levi isn’t surprised, as after all he had primarily been the one begging and pleading with him to think about having a kid. The issue is that Erwin spoils the boy absolutely rotten, never wanting to be the one to have a firm hand and discipline him when he does something wrong, that was always Levi. Armin’s incredibly smart for his age and knows this, exploiting his biological father as much as he can get away with because of that.

“Yeah, it’s nothing special though” he replies, turning off the gas on the pasta and draining it.

No traditional Sunday roast like usual, he thinks to himself, as he serves up a generous portion into Erwin’s shallow bowl (the guy has a monster appetite, but he supposes that’s normal when you’re built like a house) and a smaller one into his own. Armin is just starting to be completely weaned off the bottle, so as well as his usual formula, in his little Peter Rabbit bowl he put three pieces of ravioli to try.

He glances back and sees their son patting his father’s face, babbling continuously in his senseless baby talk. He sees Erwin playfully nipping at his tiny hands, and he opens his mouth to warn him to be careful, but he catches himself before he does. Erwin will never intentionally hurt their son of course, but sometimes Levi worries because Erwin’s a bit careless at times, and lets Armin push the limits of his exploring to the extent the boy sometimes gets hurt. Besides, Armin seems delighted, squealing and squirming in his baby seat as his fingers are caught by his daddy.

Levi places Erwin’s bowl in front of him, followed by a quick kiss to the side of his head. Armin squeals loudly and makes an awkward clapping gesture – a reaction their son has now whenever his fathers show close affection to each other – and Levi smiles, putting Armin’s dinner before him, but not his bottle, wanting him to try to adult food first. “Dinner time now Armin, you have to be still now. Good boy~” he murmurs, lifting him and sitting him down again to straighten him. Armin thinks this was play and laughs, raising his arms up to his other daddy and babbles, “Ba- ba- baba~!” Levi assumes that it’s the start of Armin trying to say ‘Papa’.

“No, not play. Eat now. See? Yum yums” He puts a rice of ravioli on his fork and offers it to his son, who instantly scrunches up his face and turns away. Levi sighs, putting it down and goes to his seat, and notices Armin avidly watching Erwin. Chances are if he sees his beloved daddy eat the pasta, he will want to eat the pasta too.

“Oh, Hanji called by the way. She says next Saturday is fine to come visit,” he comments, recalling his conversation with the woman earlier that day. Well, more a ranting on Levi’s part. He always goes to her for a good bitch. She manages to make him see a more rational side of the argument.

Hanji still had a very active involvement in Armin’s life. Lots of people, once having a surrogate, want to cut them out of the child’s life completely to dedicate them to their other parents. Erwin and Levi don’t want that. They want Armin to grow up aware of his mother, and know that she loves him every bit as much as his two fathers do. Plus, Armin adores her, and can hardly keep his hands off her when they go to see her.

Pasta. There's pasta on his plate. It's Sunday, but there's pasta and not roast. Erwin covers a frown quickly with a bite of his food. He'd picked up the roast on his way home from work Friday, and they hadn't had it last night. Levi really had been angry – it’s most likely that Levi spent all day fuming. Erwin suddenly has a feeling what part of the conversation with Hanji had been about. He hopes she hasn’t told Levi too much from their investigation that day.

Aware of Armin watching him closely, Erwin forces himself to chew and swallow. “It's good, thank you for cooking,” he says, his voice as neutral as he can make it avoid showing Levi that this passive-aggressive move doesn’t upset him as much as it does.

Armin makes a noise at Erwin, and he turns to look at his beautiful little boy. “Da!” Armin proclaims. Erwin can't help the fond smile or chuckle that escapes him at the single syllable.

“Here,” he says, and picks up the fork to try again. “I ate it, now you try it.”

This time Armin opens his mouth and lets Erwin feed it to him. The face he makes is nearly as interesting as the face he made when they had let him try a lemon for the first time. His eyes are wide at the new taste and he doesn't seem entirely sure what he ought to do about it, but Armin swallows it and gives them both a wide-eyed stare. “I know,” Erwin says, “you have yet to fully discover what a wonderful cook your Papa is and every new food is going to amaze you for at least a few more months.” He takes a bite of his own pasta before offering another bite to the baby, who handles this second taste with much more enthusiasm than the first.

Levi knows he’s really layering on the praise on purpose to get on his good side. That idiot. The smaller man rolls his eyes a little and kicks his shin under the table – not hard enough to hurt.

“You’re such a suck- up, y’know that?” he says, but in an endearing tone, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips. In the back of his mind the impending doom of having a more private discussion with Erwin later tonight nags at him, putting a slightly bitter taste in his mouth that he tries to get rid of with more pasta. Levi in general isn’t a conversationalist. He never has been. That’s why Erwin is so compatible with him, as he does all the talking. He always insists in talking out their problems and being very open in their relationship, particularly now they’re married. Levi sometimes feels a bit intimidated by just how good Erwin is with his words. Levi isn’t ‘educated’ in a way of which most people would approve. He never went to college, never got a fancy diploma. Hell, he dropped out of high school at fourteen. It doesn’t mean he’s less clever, but it’s another reminder of his inferiority to his successful husband; at least, Levi feels it is.

Now Armin is stuck on one syllable, and a continuous stream of ‘Dadadadadadadadada~’ is coming out of his mouth, making it near impossible for him to eat. Only if Erwin feeds him does he accept the pasta, still looking very confused as to exactly what is being put in his mouth. He gets a bit excited and his hand flails out, knocking over his bowl, some food drooling out his mouth. Levi cringes.

“No, Armin, bad,” Levi says in a firm tone, leaning over and grabbing his flailing arm to still him as he fixes his bowl, and takes his bib to wipe his mouth. Armin’s blue eyes widen and his lip starts to wobble, but Levi knows they’re just crocodile tears. “Don’t be a baby. Here, bottle,” he says, now giving his son his formula. Armin’s tears dry up as he reaches for the bottle, nearly snatching it and sucking on it greedily. Levi looks back at Erwin, seeing how his bowl is still pretty full as he can’t feed Armin and himself at the same time. “Don’t make me start feeding you too.”

The kick under the table makes Erwin chuckle a little. He manages to sort of catch the bowl, but it's still a mess. It isn't a big deal at least, contained by the high chair as it is, though he sees Levi's cringe and wonders how he's going to fair when Armin's walking and climbing and generally wreaking havoc upon their nice, incredibly clean house. The thought of it amuses him and scares him at the same time, and makes him a little sad. Just like Nile had warned, Erwin definitely isn't ready for his little one to start growing up. He looks forward to the milestones, but knows each one marks a day a little closer to when their pride and joy will leave for college or other things. 

Levi's comment about feeding him as well snaps Erwin out of his thoughts. He takes a bite, chews it, swallows it, and ignores the disappointment of it not being roast. When his eyes shift to Armin, popping the bottle out to scoop up a piece of ravioli and stuff it half in his mouth, half on his face, he can't keep the proud but sad smile off his face. It's amazing just how much this tiny thing has learned and grown in the last several months. It feels like just yesterday Hanji had placed Armin in his arms, a helpless little newborn, and now he can babble and feel himself and pull himself up. There are teeth in his mouth and he's starting to become a bit opinionated. 

“He's growing up so fast,” Erwin says before he can stop himself. He can stop himself from rambling on about it though, and pops another bite of the ravioli into his mouth. He doesn't want to get all choked up over it, but it just happens at the weirdest time, such as after a bad day. It's a nice thing to focus on instead of their fight and the guilt that still swirls though his mind and twists his stomach. If only Nile had been wrong about this, like he has been about so many other things… He hadn't been though, and that galls and thrills Erwin at the same time.

Levi’s just as proud as Erwin is at their little boy, and feels equally as excited and sad by how fast Armin is growing. He remembers so clearly the feeling of seeing their son for the first time. Erwin had been holding him, and had to stoop to allow Levi to see the bundle. At the time Armin was little more than a big bright red wrinkle, his face all scrunched up. Levi had thought he was the most beautiful thing he’d seen his whole life. When the baby had gripped his finger with his entire fist, Levi had laughed, and cried, and he and Erwin shared the most amazing kiss in that tender moment, feeling like a true family unit for the first time.

“Yeah, I know. We’ll be sending him off to college before we know it” Levi hums in amusement, watching Armin try to feed himself his last bit of ravioli. 

They complete the rest of their meal in relative quiet, discussing mundane domestic things, like the power bill and cleaning out the gutters after the recent storm and about how the snails are devouring Levi’s vegetable garden.

When both their meals are finished, Levi stands automatically and clears their plates up. It has become second nature for him now to take on tasks that normally Erwin did before he lost his arm. Even the simplest domestic task, like doing the dishes, was difficult, and Levi accepts this wordlessly and takes on the tasks. He doesn’t mind, truly.

“Ba! Baba!” Armin cries, looking over to Levi with a distressed expression as Levi leaves the table. Levi takes off his bib, and picks him up, bouncing him on his hip as he offers him to his husband. 

Still sitting, Erwin accepts the baby, picking up a napkin to wipe Armin's face off. He ignores the fussing long enough to take Armin into the bathroom and clean off his face and hands. Armin's always loved the water, and Erwin doesn't mind being splashed so much. When their boy is clean and dry and calm, Erwin takes him into the kitchen, because he's still babbling for his Papa. With the baby on his hip, he leans against the counter, watching his incredibly handsome husband work as he lets Armin go back to smacking his face and sticking his fingers into his mouth to be nibbled. 

He thinks of Levi's comment about college, and has a hard time imagining this tiny little thing will be an adult one day. Erwin had responded to that with a sad smile. It's something he thinks about a lot, how Armin will grow up and what he can do to help him become the wonderful man he knows their boy will be one day. Armin runs out of things to say soon enough, and leans to rest his head against Erwin's shoulder. He's not asleep – Erwin knows Armin has at least another two hours of energy in him by this point in the evening – but their son seems perfectly content to rest on his dad's shoulder with his whole fist in his mouth and his eyes on Papa. It's a quiet, peaceful moment, and it's suddenly not amazing at all to Erwin how much he craves this when he's at work. It makes perfect sense, being here like this. Shifting, he leans in to brush a kiss against Levi's cheek.

Levi hums and his eyes flutter closed a little in contentment at the tender gesture. He tilts his head just slightly, to expose his neck a little more to him, inviting him closer. When he’s satisfied with his neck being given some attention, he turns his head and presses his lips against Erwin’s. His lips are thin and a bit chapped, and he loves nothing more than wetting them slightly with his tongue, which he does, running the pink muscle across his bottom lip, pleased with the reaction he got from the larger man, subtly slipping his tongue into his warm, moist mouth. The soft sounds of kissing are the only noises in the quiet house. He feels a stirring in his groin as his mind trails away to try and count how many weeks it has been since they had sex. Levi reckons it’s been at least three weeks.

It isn’t like they still aren’t active ‘that’ way. Usually Erwin gets home so late and tired or Levi is too exhausted from caring for their son. The two are typically in as deep a sleep as Armin by eight. If anything, they got as far as jerking the other off, and that was enough to satisfy their initial needs. Levi pines for more. His body physically aches with his desire to have Erwin take him like he used to, so passionate, heated, and dominant. The nights where he leaves bruises on Levi’s hips from gripping him so tight and when he breaks his skin from his bites are Levi’s favourite. He’s never hidden his masochistic side.

Armin stirs a little and doesn’t seem pleased that he’s being left out, wanting the attention of his two dads. Too young and innocent to understand, he lets out a half whine, half squeal, grabbing at Levi’s face, getting him on the cheek. It makes Levi break away, hurriedly wiping the strand of saliva that connects them, his cheeks dusted a rosy pink and eyes dark.

“I know, your dads are being gross aren’t they?” he asks, taking him from Erwin as he nuzzled their noses together in a cute Eskimo kiss. Armin giggles, little arms wrapping around his neck, settling to nom on his shirt, drooling over the fabric. Gross. 

“Come on, play time,” Levi says, walking off to the living room, knowing Erwin will follow, and Armin wriggles excitedly, the babble starting up again as he’s set down on his play mat. He instantly rolls over from his back to his tummy, and kicks his legs while using his arms to drag himself along in a kind of scooting motion, to get to his favourite stuffed pig toy. Levi folds himself down next to him, legs crossed gracefully, passing his son the toy, where he instantly began to suck on its ear. 

The sight of Levi when he pulls away is more than enough to get the full interest of Erwin's body. They haven't had sex in weeks and the intimacy is something he craves. Erwin gives him a heated, hungry look, and follows him into the living room. When Armin goes to bed Erwin fully intends to substitute sex in place of their serious conversation, because maybe what they really need right now is just intimacy. After Levi settles, Erwin elects to sit next to him, on the right, where he can wrap his arm around Levi's waist. With the baby distracted, he leans in to nip at Levi's neck again. His hand shifts to lightly rake his nails down Levi's back.

“I’m not supposed to have work tomorrow,” he reminds Levi in a low, husky voice. “We can stay up late tonight if you want to.” Erwin definitely wants to. He's already making plans for what he can do to Levi. Missionary is awkward now with only one arm, but there are other positions they're both fond of and Erwin has a good idea of what he wants. “You could ride me,” he continues as his lips move up to kiss over the shell of Levi's ear. “I miss watching you fuck yourself on me.” His lips move back down to Levi's neck, alternating between nipping and kissing the sensitive skin there.

It’s near impossible to suppress his shudder as Erwin’s fingers trace down his spine, and he arches his back just slightly into the touch, cat- like, eyes half lidded and heavy. He doesn’t normally condone this kind of behaviour right in front of their son, even if he’s far too young to understand the implications. But he’ll indulge Erwin now, as it’s rare these days when they are both in the mood. He thinks half of it stems from the built up sexual tension they’ve been suffering, half about their fight. When he nips his neck, he makes a sound in the back of his throat, of approval and want, pining for him.

He smirks as he informs him of no work tomorrow, and about staying up late. Yeah, he’d like that.

But then his lips move up to his ear, breath hot on his skin giving him goosebumps, and he barely suppresses a groan as he suggests he ride him. 

“Erwin…” he breathes, clenching his eyes shut tight, as he’s completely distracted from Armin now, his husband being impossibly insistent as making it hard to keep his boner at bay. He feels his pants grow tighter at the final bit of filth to purr past his lips. “Fuck, /Erwin/~” he now almost groans, a warning definitely there because he was doing things to him that he perfectly well knew he only wanted to be done behind closed doors, at at least when their infant boy wasn’t right there. He loves Erwin’s filthy mouth. He adores nothing more than making him talk dirty to him as he writhes and squirms on that monster cock of his. But there’s no way in Hell he’s gonna let him get away with this. He very purposefully shifts himself so his husband can feel his obvious erection press into his thigh, his leg slipping over his so he half lay in his lap, foot very gently, teasingly, brushing his crotch. He leans up so he can whisper in his ear, voice like velvet.

“I want you to wreck me, Daddy.”

“I bet you'd like that,” Erwin whispers into his ear. He's definitely breathing a little harder no, with Levi's hard cock against his thigh and his foot against Erwin's hardening dick. Levi knows what those words do to him. Erwin shivers at the thought of getting to hear Levi call him that in their bed tonight. His hand slides down next to his thigh to palm Levi's erection, all the while Erwin is still keeping a careful eye on their son. Armin may not be crawling yet, but he's an efficient scooter and still capable of getting into stuff. He teases Levi while Armin works at gnawing on his toy, using his knowledge of just what buttons to push to get Levi completely worked up. It'll be awhile before they can even get around to having sex tonight, and he wants to keep Levi on edge, wants him desperate and begging for his cock.

“I'm going to make my boy beg tonight,” he murmurs to Levi, voice hot and heavy with want. “I'm not going to give you my cock until you beg for it.”

There's more Erwin wants to say – he knows Levi loves his dirty mouth – but he's interrupted by Armin losing interest in his toy and scooting himself over to them. Once he's within arms-length their son stretches his arms out to be picked up. “Babadada!” he proclaims with a smile that goes straight to Erwin's heart. How could he say no to that? His hand moves away from Levi to pull Armin into his lap as well. 

_God-fucking-dammit, Erwin Smith_. It’s a love to hate feeling when he teases him like this, knowingly pushing Levi to his very limits until he just snaps. Erwin knows Levi can control himself perfectly well, and that’s how he knows so perfectly what to do to get him going. Levi wants to slap him but also suck his cock, and it makes him question his true morals. Ah well, they had always been shady anyway.

“You’re a damn pervert,” he sneers, a grin twitching his lips, as he untangles himself from Erwin’s legs to allow Armin to scoot up to his father, watching as Erwin scoops him up. Armin pats his father’s face, baby babbling the whole time, and Levi adjusts himself a little to try and get his raging erection to go away. He’ll have to clean himself out before going to bed tonight. It’s a total nuisance, but Levi refuses to have it any other way. It’s already filthy enough. It’s interesting how Levi, in general, thinks sex was gross. The sole exception is Erwin. He’s the first and only man to ever have sex with Levi, and he knows that it’s a major turn on when he remind Erwin of that. He never thought he’d enjoy receiving cock as much as he does from Erwin, but once they’d done it he couldn’t get enough of it. Mind, it has to be done properly and as hygienic as possible. It’s rare that Levi allows Erwin to not wear a condom. 

Maybe tonight he’ll spoil him a bit. Maybe tonight he’ll fuck Erwin too. He knows Erwin loathes to admit it, but Levi knows that the man loves taking cock nearly as much as he does. Mike can also testify to that. 

Levi stood and went to flick on the TV for the evening news, but mutes it as the noise isn’t necessary. He picks up some big plush building blocks and places them on the play mat. Armin notices the brightly coloured toys and wriggles in Erwin’s hold, eager to slobber all over them no doubt. Levi smiles and sits on the couch behind them, resting one foot on Erwin’s broad shoulder as he glances lazily at the TV. His eyes narrow a bit at what he sees and his fists clench. The story is about the most recent Titan terrorist attack. There’s images of a train station they had targeted, the inside nearly totally gutted. The title reads “Four Killed, Dozens Injured”. His blood runs cold reading about the three kidnapped. An image of Erwin, Mike and that idiot Nile comes across the screen, reporters hassling them as they get into a car. Occasionally Erwin appears in the newspaper and the television with his career.

Erwin knows Levi thinks of him as a pervert, but he knows that Levi also likes that about him. His response is a grin before he stretches out into a better position on the floor to play with Armin. The foot on his shoulder doesn't bother Erwin at all; instead, it makes him shiver a little. Being fucked instead of taking Levi might be nice as well after the incredibly horrible day he's had, but Levi very rarely ever wants to take him so Erwin doesn’t put his money on that happening. Having his control stripped away is therapeutic to Erwin: it's a chance to lower his guard, to be forced to give up his sense of self and relax. He loves it, and he needs it badly after the day he’s had, but Erwin's mission in life to take care of the needs of his loved ones before his desires. He knows that he will give Levi whatever Levi wants tonight, and not ask for anything for himself. Nile says it's his one stupid weakness, for a man who's so assertive in the workplace, and it's definitely something that's caused strain in previous relationships. 

It doesn't matter much to him, most of the time. Erwin just wants to make Levi happy. 

The image on the screen captures his attention as Armin hands him a block. Erwin freezes, looks at it, looks at himself, Mike, and Nile trying to duck the cameras and flee. They'd saved lives, but not nearly enough, and had been ordered to go home for the day while his superior officer, Captain Shardis, took over the investigation for a few hours. If they hadn't been sent home, they would have been up all night kicking themselves over this semi-failure and trying to help. It's impossible to look at it, and Erwin turns his head and lowers his gaze. Armin seems to sense that something is wrong, so Erwin masks his upset with a smile and forces himself to ignore the news and entertain his baby. When he builds up a small tower of the soft blocks, Armin giggles with delight as he knocks it down. The guilt from earlier comes back, the emotional confusion of wishing he could have stayed to help and regretting going in in the first place. 

If he's called in tomorrow, Erwin won't be surprised – he just hopes they let him sleep in a bit and enjoy the morning with his son and husband. The attacks and threats are getting worse, and Erwin has a feeling that soon he may be back to having to pull double shifts and all-nighters to try to save lives. He's worried about how it will affect his relationship with his family. Switching careers is what he'd like to do for Levi, but the reminder of the gore from earlier haunts him now. If he switches – if he lets himself be selfish – more people might get hurt.

Levi’s eyes slide down to look at Erwin, able to feel him physically tense as he notices the news story, undoubtedly being reminded of just how hopeless their task is. Levi knows Erwin does all he can in his power, and beyond, to protect, to save lives. And seeing assholes like the ones on the TV right now, shaming and blaming him and his task force for not apprehending the terrorist group by now… It’s enough to make Levi want to go down to the studio and punch out some teeth.

He switches the channel, not needing this aggravation. Sesame Street is on, and he relaxes slightly, Elmo seemingly laughing and teaching Dorothy to count to five.

“You did all you could, Erwin. That’s more than anyone could ask for,” he murmurs gently, nudging his shoulder just slightly with his resting foot. He doesn’t wait for Erwin to react, or say anything in reply, as Levi doesn’t need an answer. All Erwin needs to know is that Levi loves him – will always love him – and that no matter what he’s on Erwin’s side. Levi believes in him still.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” he says as he stands. Levi pauses to stretch and pop his shoulders. What he means is, ‘I’m gonna get my ass ready for a pounding tonight’. As he passes them he lets his hand smooth over Erwin’s soft blonde hair in an affectionate way, Armin too occupied with his blocks to fuss about the absence of his other dad. Levi heads straight to their bathroom, wanting a nice hot shower, to take a dump and clean himself out, brush his teeth… the usual routine.

All he can do isn't enough anymore. Erwin had been much more useful to the fight on the front lines, but after the Titans took most of his arm he'd been declared unfit for combat. It’s easy for Levi to try to reassure him that he's done all he can – and he appreciates it – but Levi isn't the one who will be stuck doing the press conference or making the talk show circuit to try to explain things to the public. He isn't the one who will be called to appear before government committees or his superior officers. They missed something that was perfectly obvious in hindsight, and Erwin knows that, as the leader of the task force, he is likely going to be the scapegoat. 

He turns off the TV when Levi leaves the room, not wanting the background noise or light, and focuses on playing with Armin until the boy is yawning and Erwin judges it time for his bed time bottle. He gives it to Armin and takes him upstairs to the nursery, going through the usual routine with him to get him down for the night. Following a routine is one thing Armin is good at, and he goes down without any fuss at all as usual. Erwin turns on the baby monitor and makes his way to the bedroom. 

When Levi is done in their bathroom it's his turn to get cleaned up. Erwin doesn't rush it because he knows that if he isn't thorough Levi will turn him away. He doesn't bother getting dressed after he dries off and pads back into the bedroom and sits down on the bed. If he's lucky, Levi's still in the mood. 

Levi waits for him on their large, king sized bed, the silk sheets cool after his scalding hot shower. His skin is pink and raw looking, as Levi scrubs his body down so viciously to get every grain of dirt from him. It was an old habit- he never took it for granted having running hot water, and soap, and shampoo. It was still a luxury to him, with his years living on the filthy streets.

When Erwin pads out naked and Levi sees that broad, hard, muscular chest and stomach, he licks his lips a little and feels his previous arousal stir slightly. He can tell his mind is still troubled however, and he scowls, intending to make his bleak thoughts disappear, at least for a few hours.

The bed dips down as he sits on the edge, and Levi crawls over to him, taking a moment to run his hands up his back, tracing every line, every dip of every muscle, every scar. He can feel how tense he is, how bunched up his muscles are, especially between his shoulder blades.

“Erwin,” He mumbles in his ear, as he wraps his arms around his neck, kneeling and pressing his naked form into his back, lips dragging from the stump of his right arm up his shoulder to his neck, sucking gently on the tender skin there. He let his hands explore his front, thumbing over his pecks, his stiffening nipples, dragging through the coarse mat of blonde hair there down to his abdominal, but purposefully avoiding the thick muscle hanging between his legs.

“Don’t let those dogs get to you. They aren’t worth it. You know what you did saved lives. There always has to be some sacrifice,” he says in a quiet voice but with a firm undertone, so Erwin will listen. “You are the only one down there with their head screwed on right, they need you Erwin.” His heart squeezes slightly painfully in his chest as he says that, but he has to say it, as he knows that Erwin will be kicking himself like he had many times before.

“I'm scheduled to give a press conference on this as soon as we have all the information we need,” he confesses. “I'll have to check in tomorrow, but they ordered me to stay home to keep me from getting eaten alive by the press when I'm coming and leaving.” 

It isn't even just their country's own press either – he's been swamped by reporters from all over the globe this time. What Levi says matches up with his logic, his own personal mantra, but that doesn’t mean Erwin has to like it. It definitely isn't a line he can feed to the press about the situation. No one deserves to die, no one except their incredibly elusive enemy.

With a soft sigh, Erwin leans back against Levi, relaxing into his touch. Erwin turns in Levi's arms to kiss him deeply. He doesn’t want to think anymore. All Erwin wants is to get over with getting Levi stretched and getting the condom on so he can fuck him into oblivion and then get some sleep. If nothing else, the release will help him rest and convince his muscles to relax. 

His left arm lifts to cup the back of Levi's head, holding him there while he kisses his husband soundly, pouring his love and apology into the kiss. Sometimes it’s easier to just use action to let Levi feel than it is to talk about the situation, and this is one of those moments.

Levi accepts his kiss eagerly, feeling the intensity behind it, feeling Erwin letting it all go. His lips are full of apology, and Levi struggles to keep up with him as he feels him hold the back of his head to keep him still. In turn, Levi fists a good chunk of his blonde hair, grunting as he’s pushed back into the mattress. Levi bites Erwin’s bottom lip, hard, knowing Erwin gets off to the pain in his own sick manner, taking his chance to plunge his tongue into his mouth with a groan.

God, it’s been so long, too long. Levi’s body is flushed red, and not from his scalding shower now, as he shamelessly spreads his thighs to invite his husband closer, raising his hips to press his half- hard dick into his stomach. He grinds just slightly, and the friction feels oh so good, but not nearly enough for him. Levi has a feeling Erwin isn’t going to take it easy on him tonight. Erwin has never been one for slow, gentle foreplay, and Levi loves it. Mind, Levi never worries he won’t prepare him thoroughly for it.

“Ah! Erwin, fuck! Erwin!” Levi pants, when he breaks away for a gulp of air, grappling to find purchase on his back. His arm passes through where his right arm once had been, and he worries for a second he might trigger his ‘ghost limb’ complex. Even if it has been nearly a year since the accident, Levi still wakes up in the middle of the night to soothe Erwin’s thrashings. He can recall every line, every muscle of his right arm. He can trace the empty air there and entwine their fingers, and kiss his palm. He wants Erwin to always know that to him, he’s still whole.

Holding himself up over Levi is much more difficult now that he only has one arm. He can kiss him and grind, but anything more than that is difficult to do. Erwin kisses over Levi's neck, over his shoulders, and presses his hips back down to grind his own half-hard cock against Levi's thigh. It has been so long since the last time they've gone this far that Erwin's mind quickly zeroes in on the action, refusing to multitask when it has Levi here to focus on. When Levi's hand passes through the space his arm used to be, Erwin doesn't even notice.

It doesn't take long to get completely hard, and when he is Erwin pulls away from Levi with a kiss to get the lube from the nightstand. He can uncap it with his teeth, can use the pressure from the stump of his arm pressed against the side to squeeze some out onto his palm. They only use the top quality stuff – Erwin won't buy anything but the best where Levi is concerned. He caps the bottle with his fingertips and his knee, then tips his hand at an angle so the lubrication slides down slowly to his fingers. Knowing very well what Levi can handle, Erwin starts by carefully pressing two fingers in at once. He doesn't try to stretch him or fuck him until they're in all the way, and even then he gives Levi a minute to adjust before he starts moving.

They've been together long enough that Erwin knows exactly when and how to hit all the places inside Levi to turn him into a moaning, begging mass on the bed, and he exploits that knowledge to the fullest possible extent. He doesn't speak, just watches, hungry eyes fixed on Levi's face as he watches his husband's reaction to the pleasure he gives him. Another finger isn't added until he knows Levi is ready. When it is, he makes sure to rub over Levi's prostate on every pull outward and push inward. 

Levi’s mouth hangs open in a silent moan as Erwin slips two of his thick fingers inside his tight entrance, throwing his head back against the mattress and arching his back just slightly when he nearly strokes over his sweet spot. It’s not painful, but there’s this intense feeling of pressure that’s enough to take Levi’s breath away.

“Fuck, it has been a long time” he groans, flicking his gaze back up to his lover to catch his hungry, smoky gaze boring into him, like he wanted nothing more than to eat him up. “ _Shi_ t,” Levi breathes before letting himself sink back and let Erwin take care of him, those clever fingers of his working him slowly open. He’s fully hard now, cock straining and flushed an angry red, pre-cum beading his tip. The sight of Erwin’s thick maleness bobbing between his thighs makes him lick his lips and almost whimper with want. He’s huge and he knows he’s not even fully hard yet.

When the third digit slips inside, he definitely feels just how long it’s been since he’s had so much in his ass. It makes Levi grit his teeth slightly, his thighs instinctively wanting to clamp together and close but he forces himself to keep them open. To stop Erwin from faltering, he thrusts his whole body down, over his hand, letting out another small moan of approval as he thoroughly enjoys his fingers up his ass, rubbing over his prostate dead on. His legs are trembling slightly now, and his mind is just a foggy, heated haze of want.

“Come on, Erwin, stick it in me already. Fuck me! Fuck me hard, daddy!” he demands. The stretching and fingering is just too much now and he knows he needs something far more filling, staring boldly right into Erwin’s piercing blue eyes, hardly able to keep his wicked grin back now, feeling on the edge of insanity – Erwin has that effect on him. He just hopes he’ll be able to keep back his screams lest he wake up Armin. 

Levi makes the most beautiful noises when Erwin's stretching him open like this. He's gorgeous like this, moaning wantonly for it, fucking himself on Erwin's fingers. Next time he won't let them go this long without it. The intimacy of this is something that he's sorely been missing, but maybe now that Armin's sleeping through the night and longer into the morning they can get away with doing this more often and not risking being sleep-deprived angry zombies all through the next day.

“All right, all right,” Erwin acquiesces with a soft chuckle. He withdraws his fingers, cleans them off with a wet wipe located conveniently next to the bed, and then reaches into the drawer for a condom. It's set down on the bed again as his wet fingers fumble with the lube. 

Having a difficult time doing things he used to have no trouble with is something about his disability that still rankles him, but as determined as he is to do it on his own, he knows it's faster to ask Levi for help. Pushing aside his pride, knowing his husband won't judge him for it, Erwin passes him the tube and condom without a word. It's possible to put the condom on without lube, sure, but it's not at all comfortable, and he's going to need Levi's help getting that on anyway. Maybe it's another reason they haven't had sex lately – asking for help with anything is still embarrassing to Erwin, even in the privacy of their own bedroom. 

Levi props himself up on his elbows, stroking his cock slowly to try and relieve a little of the pressure there, as he watches his husband reach for a condom. His expression falls just slightly, seeing his obvious problem, fumbling to open the packet. He knows how hard it is for him, to swallow his pride and ask Levi for his help. It upsets Levi a little bit, that Erwin might think that Levi will judge Erwin in any way for his disability, but he knows if he’s in a similar situation as him, he would probably feel just the same.

He gives Erwin a little smile when he looks at Levi almost apologetically, a slight pleading look in his eye as he wordlessly offers him the condom. Levi instantly rolls himself over, into a kneeling position right in front of him. He tilts his head up and kisses him, open mouthed, inviting him inside, as he grabs the lube on the bed and dribbles a generous amount of the cool stuff on Erwin’s cock. He then takes his member and from the base of his balls, he strokes slowly up, barely able to make his fingers wrap around the entirety of his girth. He teasingly brushes his thumb over the purpling head, before giving him a few more delicious pumps before taking his hand away and pulling from the kiss. Erwin has the most gorgeous look on his face, and Levi is satisfied knowing he did it.

“I can’t wait to have your cock stuck up my ass again,” he purrs, as he rips the packet open with his teeth, taking out the latex tube and with skills built from quite a few years of experience, rolls the condom smoothly over his dick. Never liking this part of foreplay, which is often a bit of a mood killer, as he rolls the rubber down his mouth follows, giving Erwin a pleasant but welcome surprise as he swallows as much of his cock as he can without gagging. As he comes back up Levi suckles his tip, playfully nips him, and catches his eye to give him a coy wink. His ass wiggles invitingly in the air.

Watching Levi put the condom on with his mouth does a hell of a lot to alleviate any lingering embarrassment that Erwin is feeling about having to ask for help. He hates wearing the damn things; they're completely monogamous, so he doesn't see a point to them. Levi just hates the mess, he guesses, but Erwin's life would be easier if he wasn't completely dependent on his husband to put them on for him. 

He's missed the feeling of having his dick sucked, and curses the condom silently even as he groans at the attention. There are a million ways Erwin can reply to that comment and the wiggle of Levi's ass, but it's so hard to be witty when Levi's putting that clever mouth of his to a very good use. His hand gently threads through Levi's hair as he settles on a response.

“You look so good like that though,” he says with a low moan. “I haven't felt your mouth on my dick in ages, Levi.” 

Levi knows it would feel a hell of a lot better if the condom wasn’t separating the direct sensation of his mouth around his dick, and frankly the latex taste of the rubber isn’t exactly pleasant. Normally Levi would be more than willing to put off having Erwin fuck him to indulge his husband, as loathe as Levi is to admit it, he fucking loves sucking Erwin’s cock. He loves to suckle and nip gently the sensitive foreskin, loves to lick up the thick vein on the underside of his member, loves to feel him shudder as he takes Erwin’s balls into his hot moist mouth, and loves it even more when Erwin roughly fucks his mouth until he’s almost choking around him.

Tonight Levi feels the need for a little more intimacy. He’s craving to just have Erwin inside him, and with the risk of little Armin waking up any time, they don’t exactly have all night to take it slow. Levi makes a mental note to ask Hanji to babysit Armin sometime soon for them to have at least a full weekend together.

“I dunno if you’ve earnt that just yet, Commander,” Levi drawls, running his hands up Erwin’s thighs made of pure muscle, loving the dark look in his eyes as he calls him by his military title. Levi grasps his hips and pushes him back into the mattress, crawling eagerly over him until he’s straddling his husband’s waist, hands splayed over that broad chest of his. God, when he’s like this on top of him, their size difference truly becomes obvious. Levi has to be at least three times smaller than him, but what he may lack in size and strength in comparison to the blonde he makes up for in agility, flexibility, and stamina. Levi had=s uncanny self-control when he truly puts his mind to it.

Leaning down, he mashes their mouths together again, before making his way down his neck and collar bone, mouthing at his skin, tongue occasionally flickering out to leave a trail of rather sweet kisses for the normally savage smaller man down his body, all the while feeling Erwin’s cock slide along his ass. He sits up, keeping eye contact with his lover all the while, as he grabs the lube again and squirts out a liberal amount in his palm before grasping Erwn’s dick and slicking him up once more. Levi’s hands are almost trembling with anticipation, his breathes sharp and fast. So close.

His husband is a goddamn tease and Levi knows it, the little shit. Erwin falls back against the mattress with a quiet “oof”, but doesn't fight it. Being ravished and ridden by Levi is hardly anything he is ever going to complain about. It's going to be damn good, of that he can be certain.

When Levi's mouth touches his sensitive neck Erwin lets out a quiet moan and lifts his hips to grind himself against Levi's ass. His hand rests on his husband's hip as he moves, teasing him with his dick while Levi teases him with his mouth. The feeling of Levi's lube-slicked hand over his covered cock draws another quiet groan from Erwin. It's difficult to keep the noise down, but he's determined to not be interrupted by Armin this time. He bucks into Levi's hand. “Ride me already,” he gasps.

"Someone’s impatient tonight" Levi breathes back, but frankly he has no wish to deny Erwin. He’s equally as eager to move this along. If Armin wakes up now, he’s pretty sure he’ll put a fist through the wall.

He sits up, bracing himself up on his knees to lift himself high enough over his cock. He grasps its base to line Erwin up, easily finding his slickened, puckering entrance, empty and eager for something to fill it up again. He looks at Erwin, wanting to watch his exquisite expression, biting his bottom lip as he lowers himself. There’s a moment of initial resistance, a sharp jolt of pain, and Levi can’t hold back a gasp as he feels his head slide in, and he doesn’t stop, feeling his velvet steel slide into him inch by agonising inch. Levi has to pause a moment, only half-way, releasing his hold of his base to reach around him and gropes his ass, spreading his cheeks to stretch himself as even after taking cock for years, he’s never ever fully prepared for Erwin’s monster, and he wouldn’t have it any other way because it feels /so damn good/.

“Fuah~ fuuuck… nng,” he groans, not caring about the embarrassing noises he’s making because it’s Erwin and he know he loves them. Levi braces himself and slams his hips down, taking Erwin completely balls deep. His nails digging into the flesh of Erwin’s thighs as he throws his head back in ecstasy at the sensation of finally being connected to the man he loves in the most intimate way possible. “Erwiiin~!” 

It feels like finally coming home when Levi finally manages to take the entirety of Erwin's big cock into his eager body. Erwin's had plenty of lovers before Levi, and not a single one of them could take it like this. Not a single one of them could compare to this. Levi's the only person he's slept with who can take the whole damn thing and Erwin loves watching Levi's face as every inch of it slowly slides into him. It's always a painstakingly slow process to get it in, but Levi feels so perfect around him that it's been worth the effort every time. 

His eyes don't leave Levi's face as he sinks down onto Erwin, loving the look of ecstasy on his face. Erwin's sure it's mirrored on his own face. Levi looks best when riding him and Erwin can't resist reaching his hand out to rest on Levi's hip, not helping him down so much as just touching him. Help with this part isn't needed, as Erwin knows from experience. Levi is perfectly capable of sinking himself down onto his cock – has done it with Erwin's hands tied before, and knows what he's doing.

And oh – does Levi know what he's doing! Once he's fully seated inside Levi, their bodies as connected as they can possibly be, Erwin's thumb rubs over his hipbone in mimicry of the way he grips Levi's hips in other positions as he slams into his body. Knowing Levi will need at least a moment to adjust to having something so big buried so deep inside him, Erwin doesn't move. Levi always knows best when he's ready, and Erwin trusts him to control the pace, to control the pleasure for both of them. There's no one else in the world he'll every give that power to again. His whole world right now is Levi, and the way he feels around Erwin.

Levi opens his eyes to see Erwin gazing intently at him, his eyes dark with lust, and he knows Erwin’s been looking – not at his bobbing erection, or even at where his ass was being impossibly stretched – but at his face. It always unnerves Levi, making his face flush an attractive pink, that he has Erwin’s whole-hearted attention at all times. 

“E- Erwin…” he stammers, his voice a little hoarse and raspy, as he takes Erwin’s hand from his hip and brings it to his lips, kissing his palm gently, the intimacy of the gesture moving. 

When he does start to move it’s slow, and luxurious. Levi takes his sweet time in adjusting, raising himself at a near torturous pace on and off his cock, moving upward enough that Erwin’s cock nearly slips completely out before sinking back down. Levi doesn’t bother to hold back his sounds of pleasure, as he places both hands splayed across Erwin’s chest to brace himself as he finally starts to pick up the pace. It’s easy to maneuver his hips so each thrust he rubbed over his prostate, while clamping his walls around Erwin purposefully to give him a pleasant, tight surprise upon re-entry. 

Soon the sweet sounds of love-making: the creak and groan of the mattress, the slap of skin against skin, and ragged pants interrupted by the occasional moan are all that could be heard. The room starts to reek of sex, as things grow more heated. Their naked bodies are slick with sweat as they writhe together. Levi is normally the one to cum first, but tonight he’s determined to outlast Erwin, even if it means he has to tightly grip the base of his cock to prevent his orgasm, as he does now.

Levi certainly knows how to treat a man right. There’s only one sight in the world Erwin loves more than watching Levi riding him, taking control of the pace and their pleasure and giving Erwin so much more than just a beautiful show. Erwin can’t keep his noises in long, though he does his best to keep them quiet. He doesn’t want to wake Armin, doesn’t want to be interrupted from this bliss. The only thing that would make Erwin happier right now is to be doing this without the pesky condom in the way. He misses the sight of his cum leaking out of Levi’s ass, misses hearing him bitch between gasps about how dirty it is when Erwin licks him clean. It’s a treat Erwin is very rarely permitted, and he never expects it on nights he’s angered Levi. Just thinking about doing it is enough to get him close to the edge, even if knows it may be weeks before that happens.

Erwin moans again when he sees Levi wrap his hand around his cock. Without thinking about it, Erwin moves his hand to bat it aside so he can stroke it for Levi. He’s breathing hard, fighting the urge to keep his eyes open so he can take in the view above him. Levi looks perfect like that and feels perfect around him. Any time, Erwin knows he’ll be finished, and wants to be certain that he gets Levi off before then. He’ll feel like an inconsiderate lover if he doesn’t. 

“So close,” he pants, looking up at Levi with heavy-lidded and dilated eyes. “I want to watch you cum for me.”

Levi almost whines when Erwin slaps his hand away and grasps his dick, stroking him in time to their thrusts. 

“Fuck, Erwin, if you do that I’ll-” he pants, but is cut off by the most erotic moan that rips past hip lips as Erwin brushes over his sweet spot at the same time as roughly dragging his hand across his foreskin, and it’s too much. The combination of their synchronised body movements, and Levi’s prostate being abused over and over sends Levi over the edge into blissful orgasm. Damn him, he wanted to outlast him this time. There’s really hardly any point getting mad over such a wonderful feeling rippling through his lean body, his stomach muscles clenching, cock swelling slightly and balls tightening full with cum, as he spills himself hot, sticky and white, into Erwin’s hand, some escaping and painting his chest. He chokes on his name before he cries it out. 

It’s disgusting, but Erwin looks good splattered with cum, and the look on his face as he watches Levi release is almost enough to make him hard again. Determined to not be outdone, Levi braces on his feet, knees bent, and somehow picks up his pace, slamming himself down over Erwin, leaning down and kissing him wildly, all teeth and tongue, his body hypersensitive after his orgasm to the extent it’s almost painful, but a good pain.

Levi shooting his load over his hand and his chest is just what Erwin needs to push him over the edge. He cums with a soft grunt, thrusting a couple more times inside of Levi as he spills into the condom. After his release has been wrung out of him Erwin softens the kiss and finally breaks away. His cum-soaked hand rests on his chest, since there’s already a mess there. Erwin knows better than to get cumstains on their bed if it’s something that he can easily avoid doing, so he opts to just lie still for a moment, breathing hard and enjoying the feeling of the afterglow. 

His limbs are shaking and his body feels weak, but it’s the most sated Erwin’s felt after an orgasm in the last month and a half. It was definitely worth staying up a little later than usual for. He listens as his breathing and heart rate slow down, pleased to not immediately hear any crying coming from the baby’s room.

Levi’s thighs are trembling slightly from exhaustion, but he makes himself sit up and slip Erwin’s now slowly softening cock out of him. He removes the filled condom, ties it off, and tosses it to the bin by the bed. He would usually leave immediately for a shower as he felt fucking gross, but not tonight. He feels like Erwin needs him. So he lies down next to him and slings one leg over his thighs, followed by his arms wrapping tightly around his waist as Levi presses his small, but powerful frame into him. 

“Next time let’s not leave it for so long, okay?” he mumbles into his side, limbs feeling heavy and boneless as he can feel sleep tugging at him, making his eyelids close. Maybe he will just shower in the morning…

Unfortunately neither get that privilege, as through the baby monitor Armin’s sniffling and wailing can be heard. Levi groans, not sure he can even move right now, his ass throbbing and sides aching from where Erwin had gripped him so hard. He makes himself open his eyes, however, and looks pleadingly up at Erwin, wordlessly asking him to take this one. 

Erwin is happy to be cuddled close for a moment, pleased that Levi is ignoring the mess for once instead of jumping off to immediately go and shower. It’s a habit Erwin tolerates with good grace though it bugs him still that sex with him makes Levi feel dirty. There’s quiet after he agrees with Levi – and just as he’s thinking he should get up and clean his hand and stomach, Armin’s wails begin. Damn. He hasn’t even had a chance to get Levi’s cum off of his chest and the lube and lingering sperm off his cock. He looks over at Levi, hoping that his lover will volunteer while Erwin cleans up but…

Nope. He knows that look well. Erwin sighs, and nods, and drags himself out of bed. It won’t hurt Armin to cry for a minute, and Erwin is fast about cleaning up and pulling on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms before padding topless to the nursery. Armin’s standing in the crib again, clinging to the side as he wails. Erwin scoops him up immediately and cuddles his son close to his bare chest. The comforting gesture works well, and Erwin pats his back until he feels like Armin is calm enough for him to check his diaper. It’s clean, at least, but Armin fusses more at being put down for a check. At a loss, Erwin reaches in between the bars of the crib with one foot, and pulls out Armin’s pacifier by the grip part with his toes. His balance is good enough now that he can pass it up to his hand with no effort and when he sits down in the rocking chair with Armin on his lap and pops into his mouth, the cries halt immediately.

“Were you seriously crying because you spat your pacifier out in your sleep?” Erwin murmurs tiredly to the near-toddler curled up against his shoulder again. “Armin, you’re usually so much smarter than that.” The baby’s head is kissed sweetly, and Erwin gently rests his head against Armin’s. He rocks him slowly, hums to him, trying hard to get their boy to rest for him, but his son still fidgets a little and Erwin has a feeling he’s not going to be getting much sleep tonight.

Levi sighs heavily, lying in their sweaty, messed up sheets feeling thoroughly fucked and content. He can’t hear anything anymore, and knows then that Erwin was able to handle Armin. Deciding to take his chance now, he slips out of bed and winces a little as he stands at the dull throbbing pain in his behind. Oh boy, is he going to feel that in the morning. He showers and cleans himself out, scrubbing his body viciously for the second time that night. It’s not that he thinks Erwin is dirty, but sex is. Levi has no desire to sleep an entire night with crusted cum splattered over his chest, but he will admit the mess is worth it. It’s one of the better orgasms he’s had in a while, and he knows Erwin’s had been good for him too. He hopes now his husband will be a little more relaxed, and that he doesn’t get another call into work tomorrow for the public holiday. Levi wants them to go as a family to the zoo, as there’s a family pass day special happening and Armin has never been to the zoo. 

Levi only wears his briefs as he pads into the bedroom, still dripping slightly and drying his hair vigorously with a towel. He glances to the digital clock by their bed. It’s close to midnight. 

He walks to the baby’s room, finding Erwin sitting in the rocking chair, Armin cradled to his chest in a tight, curled up ball. By the look of it his husband is close to following their son’s example. He approaches and gently places his hand on Erwin’s shoulder, as he was totally silent entering and doesn’t want to startle him and Armin. Wordlessly, he takes Armin from him, the boy stirring a little, making cute soft snuffling sounds as he’s moved, but otherwise in too deep of a sleep to make a real fuss. “You go back to bed, I’ve got this,” Levi whispers, giving his partner a small and rare smile over his shoulder. Erwin’s had a long and exhausting day. Levi knows he needs the good night’s sleep more than him. 

Erwin jolts a little at the feeling of Levi’s hand on his shoulder. He’s of half a mind to protest when Levi removes their warm bundle of joy from his chest, but it’s better than nodding off and accidentally dropping the baby – something he still worries about doing from time to time. Armin is his pride, after all. Erwin stands and stretches – and pauses to take in the sight of Levi actually giving him a smile. 

It’s a rare thing, and Erwin treasures every single smile he’s on the receiving end of from Levi. He watches Levi with the baby for a moment, just basking in the sight of his family, positive the look on his face is incredibly sappy. After a moment he steps closer, rests his hand on the small of Levi’s back, and bends to kiss both their heads. 

“I’ll see you in bed,” he murmurs, and leaves the room with a final look over his shoulder. The bed is still warm when Erwin crawls back under the covers. He stretches out on his right side, brings his remaining arm up under his chin as he relaxes into their soft bed. Of all the extravagant things he’s ever spent money on for his small family, the bed has to be his favorite. It’s goddamn perfect. By the time his head is in a comfortable position he’s nearly asleep, exhausted from the long, horrible day and the physical intimacy with his husband.

Levi softly sings a French lullaby to his son, one that he couldn’t quite recall where he knew it from, as he had lost his parents at such a young age. He was sure that it was one his mother must have sung him, embedded subconsciously into his mind. In only ten minutes, Levi is satisfied that Armin is sound asleep, so he gently places him back in his crib, ensuring he can’t get tangled in any blankets, and tucks his soft piggy toy within reaching range if he needs it. A tender stroke of the round, pink cheek is his final goodnight, before he turns on his mobile of stars and moons, leaving the door slightly ajar as he leaves. 

He can tell when he returns to their room that Erwin is close to sleep as well, his breathing steady and heavy. At least he’s not snoring yet. He takes off his briefs, as he has never been able to sleep well with them containing him anyway, but when he had started to share the same bed with Erwin it became near impossible, as the man radiates body heat like a furnace. He’s all the warmth Levi needs. It’s also damn annoying on hot summer nights, because Erwin’s a clinger. 

Levi slips in beside him, careful to not disturb him too much. He inches close to him, his head right on his chest, so he can hear the steady beating of his heart. He’s sure he preferred to sleep as such to make sure Erwin’s heart doesn’t stop. Their bodies are so vastly different in size, and yet they slot perfectly, as if they’re made for each other. Levi snakes one of his legs between Erwin’s thighs, and slings one arm over his waist, almost clinging to him. The position is one that would allow Levi to throw his body over Erwin’s as protection if necessary. It was how he used to sleep when they were in active duty on the field, and it’s a habit he still can’t break. 

Hearing Levi singing to Armin over the baby monitor doesn’t make it any easier for Erwin to try to wait up for his husband. He’s just on the edge of sleep when he hears Levi return to their bedroom, but finds he can’t bring himself to even open his eyes as Levi climbs back into bed and settles close to him. Erwin yawns as Levi presses into his chest, and somehow manages to move his arm to drape over Levi. It only takes him a minute or two to completely fall asleep.


	2. The Part Where They Receive a Grim Reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is dead silence after Erwin stops talking. Mike watches as Erwin turns his sharp blue eyes to look out over the crowd of reporters, making eye contact with as many as he can, his expression hard. Just as he’d been coached by their PR team, Erwin has moved the subject of the question to one he prefers to answer. People have always been easily moved by Erwin’s passion, a fact his best friend knows to play on, and he has done it with incredible skill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the point where we decided to actually have plot instead of just fluff and smut, so I had to actually edit all of chapter one based on the stuff that's happened. Editing errors should all be corrected. 
> 
> There's a PTSD flashback in this chapter. Mostly just the start of it. The violence comes next chapter.

His dreams are interrupted just after 9:00am by the sound of a phone ringing. Erwin groans and forces himself to roll over and answer it, glaring at the clock as though the time is its fault. He reaches for his personal cell phone first, hopeful that’s the one ringing, but finds it’s not and swears. That means it’s his work phone, and Erwin really doesn’t want to go in again today. Still, that press conference is one that has to be had. He speaks to Captain Shardis in a low voice, still gruff from sleep. There’s nothing for it, they need Erwin to come in at least for a couple of hours, but they’ll give him the next couple of days off now that this mess is damn near sorted out. 

‘A couple of days off’ after a crisis is usually just Erwin doing paperwork at home while their son tries to steal his pen and put it in his mouth, but Erwin will take it. He agrees to come in, and is informed a car will be at his house in an hour. 

When he hangs up, Erwin heads right for the shower, smiling a little at the giggles he can hear coming from Armin. It will definitely be nice to come home to his family after handling the vultures at the press conference. Cleaning up doesn’t take him long at all, even with an arm missing, and Erwin dries himself and shaves quickly. Because it’s a press conference and he’s a decorated war hero, he knows to put on his dress uniform. Everything but the tie is easily managed, so with it in hand, he goes to find Levi and inform him of the situation.

Levi had been up since 6 am as that was when Armin had woken up. He has always been a light sleeper- living many of his years on the streets had trained him so, and then his years in the military hadn’t helped. When he had heard Armin starting to fuss and whine over the monitor that morning, he had swiftly gotten up, careful to not wake Erwin, to go attend to him. 

He was right about the aches of his body, but it’s a good, satisfying dull throbbing, reminding him of the pleasures had last night. Seeing Erwin’s bunch of flowers on the table brings a smile to his lips. It’s a new day and Erwin has it off. Levi is determined to make the most of it. 

“We’re gonna go to the zoo today, Armin, would you like that?” he asks their son as he prepares him his breakfast, the time now close to eight. Armin is in his high chair at the table and makes a loud raspberry noise, kicking his little legs and banging the plastic table of his chair with his fists. “I know you’ve never been before, you’ll get to see all the animals,” Levi replies, as if having a real conversation. The espresso machine is deftly flipped on and the rich aroma fills his nostrils and makes his mouth water slightly. 

Armin is fed mashed banana, then washed him, and dressed for the day in his blue shorts and red shirt with a lion printed on it. Glancing at the clock, he notes how it’s nearly nine. Erwin still isn’t up, and he hopes it stays that way – otherwise it likely means he has gotten the dreaded phone call. 

If he does Levi will be having a personal drop-in with Keith. 

Now that they’re outside he places Armin down on the grass of the backyard to drag himself around as he pleases while Levi gets the hose and started to water their small garden. 

“No, Armin, dirt is not for eating” he scolds, pausing to take Armin’s mouthful of grass and sand out of his mouth, wiping his palm and fingers. As soon as he turns his back his son is stuffing his face again. Levi sighs. Kids are gross. Lucky he loves this one more than he hates mess.

Levi isn’t in the kitchen, so Erwin takes a moment to make something small to eat. He downs it quickly, fills a travel mug with coffee and leaves it by the front door with his briefcase, and moves through the house looking for his family. They’re in the backyard, Armin happily stuffing grass in his mouth and occasionally spitting it out in disgust. Erwin chuckles, takes a moment to enjoy the scene before he slides open the backdoor and steps outside.

Armin greets him with a loud cry of “da!” and Erwin can’t help but grin at that. He’s in his dress uniform though, so he has to be careful how he scoops up their baby. “Hey, kiddo,” he greets, and presses a kiss to the baby’s dirty cheeks. Armin giggles and tries to wipe dirt on Erwin’s face, but he skillfully dodges it. Erwin’s avoiding looking at Levi, because he knows that Levi knows what the dress uniform means. It means work called and woke up him up to tell him he’s required to come in. 

There’s not a choice, because he’s the officer primarily dealing with the Titan situation, and yesterday’s bombing has already been all over the news. The world saw him on TV at the scene of the attack. Damage was caused to the building, but they had saved many lives and dealt a significant blow to their enemy. Erwin understands all this, and he’s proud of his team and his own work, but trying to justify this to the media and to political officials is going to be a tedious task. Now he has a new enemy, and this is one he can’t so easily or readily destroy. These are people that he needs as his allies in this fight. They provide the funds and they provide the political support that gives them the freedom to do what they must to stop this threat to all of humanity.

That doesn’t mean his husband is going to be pleased with Erwin having to leave for a couple of hours. They’ve been dying to take Armin to the zoo for weeks, and hoped they would finally have a chance today. Carefully, expression guarded and ready for scorn and accusations – especially after yesterday – Erwin lifts his eyes to meet Levi’s. He’s prepared for anger, for harsh words, or for complaining about their plans being ruined. Speaking first sometimes works in his favor, so Erwin tries that tactic now.

“A car is coming to take me to do the press conference,” he explains, his tone as carefully neutral as his face. “I shouldn’t be long, and then Keith says that I’m down for the next two days to give this more time to blow over before hearings begin.” 

The moment Erwin steps outside the door, Levi doesn’t even have to turn and look at him to know he’s leaving. If he isn’t then Erwin would still be in bed, as on days off Erwin often sleeps until noon because his job is exhausting. 

At first he feels flashes of anger seize him that make his body tense so much that his tight grip on the hose almost cuts off the water flow. It takes Levi a moment to realise he’s beyond anger. He knows the irrationality behind such feelings. No matter what he does it won’t change Erwin’s situation, and of everyone, Levi understands it best. He did work as his second-in-command after all. 

He’s beyond feeling anger. It’s more… disappointment. Levi’s unsure if he’s disappointed in Erwin, or disappointed in himself even more for not preparing himself better for this.

“Fine. Just pick up some milk on your way back,” is all he says, as he doesn’t trust himself to say anything else without blowing up. That’s something they just don’t need right now. 

When Erwin leaves, Levi decides he is going to follow. 

He packs Armin’s day bag, sends a quick text to Petra, dressing himself in dark jeans and a dark hoodie to remain inconspicuous. He leaves Armin with Petra, who has babysat him often. Concerned, she asks her former Captain what’s going on but he doesn’t give her a straight answer, just reminds her about Armin’s nap time and tells her he’ll be back in a few hours. 

It’s been a long time since he’s been to HQ, but it still looks exactly the same as it did before he retired. The big, imposing grey building has bulletproof windows that are tinted black and large gates made of the stronger steel before and after every security checkpoint. He can’t quite explain to himself why he’s coming to this stupid base for the press conference. Humanity’s Strongest- Soldier, or rather, the former Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, hasn’t been in active duty for nearly two years. 

That inactivity doesn’t seem to have damaged his well-respected reputation at all; at the security boom gate, when he passes his ID to the guard the guy pales a bit and goes slightly wide-eyed, craning to see into the car to catch a glimpse at the former Legend, but Levi’s hood is pulled up and he wears dark shades. He drives through without a worry. 

The lobby is buzzing and the atmosphere is tense. Everyone is on edge and a bit frantic. In the wake of the recent attacks, he knows all the higher ups (Erwin included) will be resenting this trivial stunt when they could be hot on the tail of the terrorist group; instead, they have to play soldier for the press. The hypocrisy of it all is a reminder of what Levi simply couldn’t stand working here. He was never good at the publicity side of things, and he was always pestered and gawked at like a trophy when present at such things. He would just stand beside Erwin, passive and silent as his fellow Commander spoke on his behalf. Levi’s job during conferences then had been to send some pretty nasty stank-eyes to those who stared or remarked on his height. 

The conference room is already stuffed full of camera crews, reporters and photographers. The panel to seat Keith, Erwin and Nile is still empty, some people testing the microphones. Levi wedges himself in the back corner, behind a camera, and nobody even casts him a second glance. He scans the room like a hawk and spots a familiar face. First Lieutenant Mike Zakarius is easily picked out of the crowd for his height, towering above everyone in the room. He shifts and pulls his hood down even more. Mike has the nose of a bloodhound, and Levi doesn’t want him to come sniffing over and find him here. 

Unfortunately for Levi, Mike knows the moment Levi enters the room. The scent of his best friend’s husband is one he’s had memorized for years, and – like a dog – he doesn’t need to see Levi to know he’s made his way onto base to be here for this. He does duck into the back hallways to let Erwin know that Levi is there, so he’s not visibly surprised by it. This is going to be bad. Erwin is going to be ripped apart before Captain Shardis even gets to speak, and there’s going to be nothing he can do but sit with Erwin when he breaks down privately in office after the press conference and supplementary interviews are over. If anybody discovers Levi here, that will likely compound the situation.

Erwin’s surprised to hear that Levi’s there in the conference room, but he’s not exactly shocked. Levi’s going to hear all of the awful details though, and Erwin’s afraid it might remind him of the losses of his friends. Mike volunteers to stand in the back with Levi – he would have been back there anyway, someone for Erwin and Niles to look to when the questioning gets too be too much, to remind them to keep their cool, expressions neutral. Typically, Erwin is a natural at it. He’s always been a charmer, and he manages to lead with confidence and poise. The rumor among the upper brass is that he’s the likeliest candidate to replace Shardis when the old fart either retires his commission or is promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. Erwin Smith, everyone says, will go far. 

Having known Erwin as long as he has, Mike is inclined to agree. With Erwin and Shardis united and a few key politicians on their side, they can bring down the Titan threat easily enough. The only problem is that press conferences and playing politics takes time away from any of them doing their jobs. They need Erwin and Nile well-rested, and neither man is, not anymore. They’ve barely seen their spouses and kids in the last two weeks, and Mike’s already heard that Levi gave Erwin shit yesterday when he got home. Marie’s a lot more understanding, and she’s close with her siblings, so it’s not quite as hard on Nile. It doesn’t hurt that Nile doesn’t do much traveling, a chore that typically falls to him and Erwin, even after the Titans cut off Erwin’s arm. 

Once he’s double-checked that all three men have all the information and instructions they need, that the speeches prepared are on the teleprompter, and his superiors look utterly impeccable and stern, Mike leaves to head back into the conference room ahead of them. He won’t be the one announcing them, so he’s free to do as he pleases.

It’s impossible to resist heading to Levi’s side. Mike wants to know what he’s doing here, and the best method to even get a guess at it is to get close enough to better smell him. If he can figure out through scent what emotions Levi is experiencing, then he can figure out if it’s a good idea to let Levi see Erwin in his office after this ordeal is over.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he greets gruffly, and leans against the wall next to Levi. Mike’s glad he doesn’t have to wear his dress uniform like his superiors do. He supposes he’ll be promoted eventually to a position that requires it, but he’s not above turning them down. The job he has now is perfectly suited to him, scouting out the enemy and protecting those who need it.

“It’s not going to be pretty,” Mike continues a second later. His tone is carefully modulated so only Levi can hear him, though he has to lean down to speak. “We’ve been getting all sorts of godawful phone calls and requests for interviews from the press. After this, Erwin’s got five one-on-ones with private networks and newspapers.”

Levi has a rather unique relationship with Mike. It has taken a long time to grow and develop into one of mutual understanding and respect, and he is one of the very, very few who have his trust like Erwin does. Hanji is another who holds that sacred bond with him, and of course his former squad members still do. 

At first Levi had detested the man because when Erwin and Levi had first met – collided, really – Mike had been the one who shoved his face in the dirt on Erwin’s command. 

He supposes that he had also been jealous of him, as he has known Erwin since their cadet training years. He knows they're best friends, and had been lovers, and Levi still isn’t sure what had happened between them to make Mike step aside for Levi to replace him as Erwin’s right-hand-man. All Levi knows is that he is grateful for that, and he admires the man for his undying loyalty to Erwin. 

These days Levi’s gruffly affectionate of the man. 

It isn’t unusual when all Levi does is grunt when Mike approaches him, leaning on the wall beside him. Goddammit, there’s no reason for him to be so tall. Before meeting Erwin and Mike, Levi had never thought it would be possible for someone to be taller than Erwin. Mike is at least a good head higher. 

At his second comment, Levi’s eyes slit just a little, glaring at the press, the ones responsible for all this bullshit. 

“Nothing new then. Still a bunch of ignorant vermin who don’t know when to shut their holes,” Levi hisses under his breath, tensing a little as Shardis, Erwin and Nile walk out and take their seats. Levi already knows Mike will have sought out Erwin and told him Levi is here. He’s here exactly for the reason Mike has probably guessed – to be here to hold Erwin together if it becomes too much. 

The conference starts, Keith delivering the usual scripted crap, about how they’re confident they have made progress and are one step closer to winning. The official opinion of the military is that this incident should be seen as another means for gaining intelligence. Levi imagines that’s hard to say that with a straight face when so many were lost. 

Questions and answers are Erwin’s forte. Levi is confident Nile is too thick-skulled to string together a sentence without a prompt. Naturally Erwin is the one delivering responses to the reporters’ questions. One however, catches Levi’s attention, and he straightens a little. 

“Commander Smith, let’s not beat about the bush here. You are in close personal relations with former Lieutenant Levi,” Shardis leans in and tries to cut him off, to restate that questions are to be targeted to strictly relate to the incident. The guy rudely pushes on, giving Erwin an accusing glare.

“How can you justify having the nation’s strongest soldier seen in decades hiding behind closed doors, when he can be put back into good use? When will he be back in the public eye? Is Humanity’s Strongest a coward?”

There’s a tense silence that grips the room, going from buzzing over the boldness of the reporter to so quiet you can hear a pin drop in only two syllables. Coward? Levi’s surprised they can’t hear the grinding of his teeth, and his hands are balled into such tight fists his nails nearly draw blood from where they dig into his palm. If not for Mike, who swiftly puts a strong hand on his shoulder, Levi would have already jumped the guy and shown him just who the coward is.

By his regiment’s usual standards, today’s press conference has been going remarkably well. Typically Erwin is ready to throttle someone after the third question. The fifth almost always has him contemplating the best way to kill every reporter out there. By the seventh, Erwin is usually ready for a few stiff drinks and an hour long nap with Armin. Just as Erwin had been certain that this might actually go decently, that he might just get to go home to his family and then to the zoo in a good mood, the chance is taken from him – and just his luck: it’s one of the reporters he has to sit through a one-on-one with immediately after the press conference.

To his credit, Erwin doesn’t show any overt emotional reaction to the question, although it sends him from patiently tolerating the nit-picking questions and thinly veiled accusations straight to wanting to down five beers and immediately use the glass bottles to beat the reporter to death. Fortunately for the idiot who really should have known to phrase that differently, Erwin has all the self-control of a monk and all the skill of a professional actor. If he doesn’t want anyone to know that this question affects him personally, then nobody who isn’t involved in his personal life is going to know. 

The urge to look right at Levi is acknowledged and then discarded. It won’t do any good to draw attention to his husband; instead, Erwin’s eyes scan over the crowd to take in the general reaction to the inquiry. When he notes the horrified shock mirrored on the face of every other reporter in the room, Erwin is satisfied. If the other reporters all think it a horrifically inappropriate question, it will be easier to dodge. They will likely be relieved by the answer he has to give if he can save this moment. His eyes meet Mike’s, then Levi’s, and he gives them a minute shake of his head, warning Levi to keep quiet. He sees Mike’s hand tighten on Levi’s shoulder, restraining him further. 

It isn’t common knowledge at all that he and Levi are close, let alone how close they are; because of their history in battle against the Titans, all information about them is considered to be highly classified. Even if he wanted to answer the question with the news that his husband was busy raising their firstborn (if Erwin had his way, Armin would have siblings), he would be considered a traitor for breaking that policy. Erwin needs to be able to find out later how the reporter has come by this information so he can figure out if his family is in danger. Alienating the man won’t work here in his favor. Erwin quickly considers all the possibilities, weighs the pros and cons of the possibly outcomes, and chooses the answer that will best suit his plans. 

“That’s a good question,” he answers only a moment after the silence falls. The praise gets the room moving again, reporters quietly buzzing to each other about it. Praising the reporter might lead to more personal questions later, but Erwin is confident he can manage this. He just hopes Keith and Nile have kept their body language utterly neutral. His blue eyes dart to Levi as he continues.

“It is a good question,” he says again to silence the room just as the buzzing starts to get loud. They turn to look at him, and Erwin takes advantage of his commanding presence: he only has to raise a hand for silence to fall again. “I understand your concerns. You’re afraid: afraid that the Titans will achieve their self-proclaimed dream of wiping out mankind – and you should be. We all should be – the information about the attack we have just shared with you is proof enough of that. These people are dangerous, and they’re everywhere. This much is common knowledge.

“There are dangers out there that you don’t understand. This is an incredibly delicate situation, and we do need all the support we can get to wipe out this threat to our families and friends. If we’re going to save the human race, the more support we have, the better. In that, I believe your initial concern is important, but you are asking the wrong question.”

Erwin locks eyes with the reporter, deadly serious and passionate as he continues. “What we need now isn’t simply one soldier. We need more men, and more funding, so that we have the resources to continue the fight for mankind – with or without any one particularly brave soldier. Fighting them is our only option. We already know negotiations don’t work – if you recall, I found that out the hard way.” With his left arm, Erwin gestures to what’s left of his right arm. Playing on his status as a war hero will make any other personal questions asked by this idiot look even worse.

“We need more people – fresh minds, who can look at this problem in a different light, who might be able to provide new insight and new ideas to face this battle head-on, in a more effective and efficient way. We don’t need just one person, sir. We need a hell of a lot more than that.”

There is dead silence after Erwin stops talking. Mike watches as Erwin turns his sharp blue eyes to look out over the crowd of reporters, making eye contact with as many as he can, his expression hard. Just as he’d been coached by their PR team, Erwin has moved the subject of the question to one he prefers to answer. People have always been easily moved by Erwin’s passion, a fact his best friend knows to play on, and he has done it with incredible skill. ‘The artful dodge’, Mike thinks it had been called by their PR people. It’s something their communications people are still trying to drill into Nile’s thick skull. Erwin had mastered it in days.

“Oh, he’s _good_ ,” Mike breathes, awed by Erwin’s skill, and isn’t at all surprised when his CO continues speaking.

“May I have the next question please?” Erwin asks. At this point protocol is typically to cease answering questions, but Erwin intends to show them that he isn’t afraid, that he can’t be deterred by people asking after his former subordinates. That might send the Titans the wrong message – or rather, the correct message, that Erwin can be gotten to via connections to his loved ones.

Levi’s personal feelings aside and hatred for this idiotic reporter, internally his mind was racing, was calculating. How the hell did this guy make a link between him and Erwin? The public eye knows them to be close in strictly a professional sense only. Their marriage had been completely confidential, it was even held at HQ for maximum secrecy with only the selected few they trusted witnessing it. Other than that, they’re extremely careful when in the public eye. Normally one of them wears a hat and dark sunglasses when they’re on family outings to prevent being recognised. 

Now Levi’s worried that this guy is more than he seems. Right now, he wants nothing more than to get back and get Armin safe into his arms. 

Levi doesn’t pay heed to Mike’s side-praise; instead, he shifts, angling his body so he can speak quietly to him. 

“I’m going to get home. Will you be with Erwin during the one-on-ones?” he asks him. Mike and only Mike, is someone he trusts to be able to protect Erwin with his life if something does happen. 

His friend nods, and tells him they’ll handle all this. Feeling hardly any more assured Levi starts to make his way out of the crowded room. As he goes, someone comes barging at him, and knocks into his shoulder hard. It’s not enough to send him falling, not with his balance, but it is enough to knock his hood off and reveal his face. 

The man who knocked into him looks at him with his eyes widened in shock and recognition. Levi grits his teeth. Fuck, it was the shit-head reporter. 

“Lieutenant Levi!” the man exclaims, in a way that Levi feels is purposefully loud. Instantly, heads are turning, and there are gasps and cries of recognition. He just manages to catch a glimpse of the panel, all staring his way, Nile jumping to his feet in shock at the bold reporter’s actions. He seeks Erwin’s eyes as a flash of panic grips Levi as the crowd surges to their feet in a roar. Seconds later Levi is being swamped by microphones and recorders and phones shoved in his face and people screaming questions at him and Levi’s blinded by the flashes of dozens of cameras going off. What Levi notices above all that is that reporter is gone. “Get out of my way!” he tries to shout over the crowd, and make his way out, but they aren’t budging. There are so many people and all this noise and no escape; can’t get out, can’t breathe – shit, he actually can’t breathe. He feels his body seizing up and throat closing, and his chest feels too tight as the faces leer and jeer towards him like sick puppets on strings, like Titans closing in, the screams of his squad filling his ears-


	3. The Part Where Everything Starts to Go to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s another knock on the door, and Mike opens it to allow Nile in. The other man looks grim, and he stands at parade rest, with his hands clasped behind his back. Erwin reads his face easily enough and stands. “Where is he?” he demands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, this chapter has torture in it. It's less graphic than the torture scene in the manga, but it's still torture. If scalping isn't your thing I'd maybe scroll quickly through that part. [Nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com) is an awesome RP buddy, and ya'll should go send her some love for this too.

Never let it be said that Erwin ever hesitates to act. He has guards moving after the reporter immediately, and sends more to disperse the crowd around Levi as he panics and Mike struggles to get to him. Damnit! Erwin sends Nile to go call Petra and see if she has Armin – and if so, to get the hell out of there and go to the safe house immediately with the baby. They’ve prepared for this, but Erwin doesn’t like having to put those plans into play. It means the Titans have one up on them and they have to accept a strategic defeat to avoid collateral damage – that damage being his family. 

Erwin and Keith make their way through the crowd as Mike and the guards manage to pull Levi away. The Captain orders Erwin and Mike to get Levi out of there as he handles the press’ questions. He and Mike don’t need to be told twice, and pull him into the secure and blessedly quiet back hallways. Soldiers salute them as they move quickly to Erwin’s office and he and Mike ignore the curious glances they’re given. The door is locked behind them and Erwin deposits Levi onto a sofa and crouches down in front of him. He doesn’t touch Levi, and won’t unless Levi tells him to do so. Mike leans against the door, arms crossed against his chest.

“Levi, you’re safe,” Erwin says, opting to try using a gentle tone. It’s one that very few people have ever been privy to hearing, and he rarely uses it, even at home. “You’re not in the field, you’re in my office.”

There’s a soft rapping on the door, and Mike pokes his head out to exchange quiet words with Nile. When he closes the door, he speaks quietly. “Nile got ahold of Petra. She’s taking Armin to the safe house, as agreed. Auruo’s home today, at least, so he’s going as well.”

Mike’s news gives Erwin some relief. Auruo and Petra are incredibly good, which was why they had been in the special operations squad under Levi’s command. If anybody can protect their son until they return for it, it’s those two. Satisfied enough with that news, Erwin turns his attention back to helping his husband through what he suspects is a flashback. 

It’s a funny thing, post-war trauma. Everyone deals with it in a very different way. Erwin sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, crying out some forgotten order to soldiers that aren’t there, plagued by his ghost limb. Mike becomes enraged at times, and that’s terrifying as it is rare to see the normally gentle giant lost his control. 

Levi isn’t simply a war trauma victim; no, he’s a victim of torture, and that’s a whole other kettle of fish. 

Petra and Auruo and are the only other survivors, and none of them came out the same. 

Levi suffers flashbacks, and those are dangerous. His psychologist works well with him in the recovery process, but whenever he’s transported back to that dark, rank room, with the stench of rotting and diseased flesh, listening to the whimpers and moans of his squad…

—

“You can’t let them win Captain… please, for me. Don’t let them…” Petra whimpers to him, lying somewhere across the cell, but he can’t tell in the velvet blackness. His body throbs with a dull ache from starvation, throat dry and feeling like sandpaper when he tries to swallow. They all flinch, as they hear the dreaded falls of booted feet approaching, and a cold, sickly dread consumes Levi as he knows they are coming. 

It’s always the worst when they take someone, dragging them out of the cell kicking and screaming and pleading. It’s Gunther this time, and he forgets himself, forgets his promises, and is screaming at Levi. “Why don’t you tell them?! Why do you let them do this to us?!” his sobs and wails are muffled by the slamming of the heavy door. He can hear Petra crying, and Auruo’s frenzied whispers of prayer. 

There is no God to hear them in this place. 

—— 

Erwin’s voice brings him back- it’s always Erwin. 

It takes time, but he penetrates the darkness, breaks through and seizes Levi to drag him to the surface. 

Levi’s drenched in a cold sweat, and his entire frame is shaking. He’s out of the cell but he’s still not entirely back, and he doesn’t see Erwin crouched before him, but a Titan. He’s still ensnared in their clutches. Quicker than what most would think is possible for a human, Levi twists his body, and is able to slam square into Erwin’s chest, legs wrapped around his neck. He locks him, wedging head between the couch and him, and it would be so easy to use his body weight to twist and snap Erwin’s neck. 

He doesn’t account for the second man, and screams when he’s torn away and slammed down, a knee pressed firmly into the small of his back while a hand fists his short raven hair. His arms are twisted behind him making it impossible for him to move. Levi physically jolts as he recognises this grip, this position from a long time ago, and then he realises it’s Mike and that Erwin is still crouched by him, looking at him as if Levi’s a caged animal. A gasp sharply rips itself from Levi’s throat and is followed by a sob. 

“E- Erwin…” he croaks, voice weak, and instantly Mike releases him as he knows he’s back, and whatever strength was left in Levi leaves him and he goes limp against the couch, shaking pathetically. At least no one here thinks him less of a man for it. 

Thank goodness. Erwin’s breathing hard against the couch, having scooted farther away from Levi to give Mike more room to pin his husband to the ground. A deep breath or two gets Erwin’s lungs back under his control, but he’s having a difficult time calming his thundering heart. Levi’s always terrifying when he has a flashback, and this is the first one Erwin’s aware that he’s had for a long while now. He leans against the couch, watching Levi carefully for another moment before he dares to move carefully to a closer position. 

He lost his arm to the Titans in a negotiation gone wrong, and the short amount of time they had him to damage and interrogate him had caused him to suffer his own round of problems, but nobody has it worse than Levi, Petra, and Auruo. Erwin never, ever wants to have a first-hand knowledge of the hell Levi’s squad had experienced before Mike’s squad had managed to track them down. Erwin will never know of that experience and he’s fine with that. It’s easy enough to love and support his husband as it is, after all. 

Bravely, sure now that it won’t spawn another flashback, Erwin reaches out and firmly puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder. “You weren’t out of it for long,” he tries to assure him. Erwin’s neck is already killing him and he has a feeling he’ll need to go visit a chiropractor. Levi could have killed him that time.

He didn’t, but that doesn’t comfort Erwin right now. 

Unthinking, he tries to lift his right hand to massage his neck. It takes him a moment of frustration before he remembers that he can’t do that anymore and lowers the stump back to his side. He’s terribly excited to be fitted for the prosthetic in a month, if for no other reason than how easy it will make his life when it comes to scratching an itch or playing with Armin.

Levi nods and sits up slowly and Mike backs away and resumes his guarding position at the doorway. Levi tries to recall his therapy, taking deep gulps of air, counting to ten, then again, until his thundering heart slows down to a close-to-normal pace. 

“Erwin – your neck,” he says, reaching out and cupping where his husband is obviously in some pain, rubbing his thumb over the tense muscle. He leans in and presses their foreheads together, and peace comes back to Levi’s mind slightly. His apology is in the gesture. Mike looks away as he feels as if this is a moment of rare intimacy he shouldn’t be privy too. 

Suddenly the reality of their situation hits Levi, and he jerks away sharply, eyes bright and fierce. 

“Erwin, Armin-” he starts, going to stand but stills as Mike interjects and tells him the situation. Levi is still not convinced. 

He’s the one who fucked up. If he had never come to the conference, he wouldn’t have been found out, and that Titan wouldn’t now be able to confirm to his superiors that he and Erwin are more than what the public falsely believes. 

“I want to go. Now,” Levi says firmly as he standings with hands clenched into fists at his side. Having been in the military and knowing the protocol Levi knows that leaving right now is impossible. The entire base has gone into mandatory lockdown. Of everyone he, Erwin, Mike, Niles and Shardis can’t be risked in leaving this building. For all they know Titans are closing in on their location or are already waiting outside with snipers.

“Erwin!” Levi swings his gaze to him, and his look is pleading. The tell-tale signs of his desperation to leave and have their son within his own protection are as achingly obvious as the straining muscles in his neck. 

“Levi, he’s en route to the safe house, he’s going to be-” 

“It’s clear now that nowhere is safe!” Levi hisses, cutting in. “If a Titan can waltz right into HQ right under everyone’s noses, then it’s obvious: we’ve been compromised. The Titans are on the inside now. We can’t trust anyone!” Levi looks back to Erwin for support, as he knows that if he has reached this conclusion Erwin then Erwin will be miles ahead of him. “Erwin, we need to get the hell out of here. Now!”

“We can’t leave,” Erwin says reluctantly and angrily. Levi’s feelings are all too easy for him to understand He moves to sit on the couch and runs his hand through his hair. He’s worried too, but it’s physically impossible now for anybody to come and go, save for the guards who were sent after the potential Titan. They have to trust that Petra and Auruo can keep their son safe for the time being.

Levi is likely right too. Erwin has suspected for some time that they have been compromised, but none of them have been able to prove it until now. Of course the Titans have been trying to infiltrate his troops for some time; after all, they’ve been trying to do the same to the Titans but with no luck. Anybody who has been sent in as a spy has been immediately reprogrammed or killed by the enemy. 

Erwin sighs. “I’m willing to bet they’ve been on the inside for months now, Levi, but there’s simply no way we’re going to be allowed to leave the building until the all-clear is given. It’s protocol. You know that. I want to get to Armin too, but we’re going to have to trust Petra and Auruo for now.” Damn that reporter.

There’s another knock on the door, and Mike opens it to allow Nile in. The other man looks grim, and he stands at parade rest, with his hands clasped behind his back. Erwin reads his face easily enough and stands. “Where is he?” he demands. They must have actually caught up with this one.

“I’m here to escort you to him,” Nile says. Likely he’s been instructed to not say the location aloud, a reasonable enough precaution. 

Erwin stands, bends to kiss Levi’s head, and moves toward the door. “Stay here with Mike, Levi. I’ll be back soon.” Together they leave, Erwin confident in Mike’s ability to contain his husband.

“We’ve managed to capture the reporter,” Nile reports in a low voice. It confirms his suspicions. There has to be more to that though, Erwin knows, for him to look so much more grim than usual. “He took down three of our people; all were declared dead at the scene.”

A sigh escapes Erwin. They can hardly call it a victory if he’s managed to take out three of their men. “This one didn’t try to kill himself upon capture?” he asks, a little alarmed. Every time they’ve tried, their potential prisoners have committed suicide rather than be taken alive for interrogation.

“He tried, but was pinned before he could succeed. There were no cyanide pills in this one’s mouth either, just like the last three. We had to strip him bare to get all of the bugs off of him.”

They approach the most secure part of the facility, and Nile leads him to the most secure room. It’s underground, and they have to pass through six checkpoints to even get near it. Erwin opts to stand at the observation window for a good long moment to observe the bastard. Now that he’s been captured and stripped, it’s obvious that he’s a Titan. Like the others they’ve autopsied after their deaths, this one has their symbol tattooed on his sternum. Also like his cohorts, his eyes have gone from the blue they were during the meeting to red.

This is their first time taking one alive, and Erwin wants to study his opponent before he does anything else. If they’re lucky, Hanji’s squad will be able to get some incredibly valuable information out of him before he’s executed for treason.

The most chilling part about these people is the fact they seem to have no emotion whatsoever. Seeing them in the field, they carry out missions like cool, calm, collected soldiers of the highest status. Nothing fazes them. When someone does see a few rare ones go berserk – ‘Abnormals’ they call them – it’s potentially the most frightening thing to witness. 

This one stares right at Erwin. It’s impossible, as the glass can’t be seen through from his side, but those blood red orbs lock with Erwin’s sky blue ones, and hold that gaze without faltering. 

“Am I late? Is this it? Shit, I got here as soon as I could.”

A third voice enters the scene, and Nile and Erwin turn as Hanji comes bounding in, her hair wild and glasses flashing, slightly askew. Her usual over the top, excitable manner is now replaced with a grim seriousness. She knows this situation is no time for her antics. She looks right to Erwin first. “Armin is…?” 

Erwin confirms he is safe, and a look of relief soothes her face. As his biological mother, she loves him every bit as much as Erwin and Levi. 

“So, is it talking?”

Nile snorts. “Of course it isn’t. And I doubt we’ll get anything out of him at all. These people are too good for that” 

Nile falters at the slightly manic grin that creeps along her face as she rubs her hands together. “He hasn’t met me yet though, has he?”

Hanji’s torture methods are a bit… unorthodox. She won’t ask any questions, rather start right away. She begins with ripping his fingernails out one by one. The man is in obvious pain from the way his eyes bulge a little and beads of sweat appear across his brow, but he’s actually _smiling_ as she does it. She asks him who else has compromised HQ. He laughs in her face. 

Once all the finger nails are off, she takes a deadly sharp butchering knife used to gut pigs, and grabs a fistful of his hair. 

“If you wanna keep your scalp, I suggest you start talking, bub,” she sneers, as she starts to slice into a thin layer of his skin beginning at his hair line. Nile turns away and makes a retching noise. 

Halfway through removing his scalp, the top of his head bleeding and raw and looking more like a piece of mangled flesh, something seems to snap and the Titan bursts into a mad cackle. “You’re too late anyway! You’re too late! We know all your locations, we’ve known for a long time! Everything you thought you knew is all a lie!”

Hanji tugs on the flesh still attached to his scalp and he lets out a pained whine. This man’s self-control is unbelievable. “Who? Whose locations? Dammit, who are you working for?” 

The man is looking right at Erwin, as if he knows exactly where he is. “He’s a cute kid. It’s almost a shame. We thought about letting him live and taking him with us, but in the end scum like you all have to burn. You will all burn!” he screams at him, and Hanji’s too late to realise what he’s doing as he bites his tongue off to choke himself on his own blood. Nile is already on his phone, talking rapidly. Mike comes skidding around the corner, eyes wide, a dark bruise blossoming on his cheek. It’s all happening so fast but Erwin has already calculated what has happened, what a grim error he has made. 

“E- Erwin, Levi, he’s gone for Armin-” 

Nile has gone pale, swinging around to his fellow Commander, his friend. “I can’t connect to Petra or Auruo” 

With a final sickening gag, their captive slumps dead, his mission carried out.

Erwin watches the torture with a stauncher stomach than Nile does. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t take his eyes off the bastard. It’s unnerving how the Titan seems to just know that he’s there, but Erwin is unflinching to the last. He lets Hanji dirty her hands and ask the questions. It isn’t until Armin is mentioned that Erwin shows any sign of emotion at all. His fists clench at his side, glad he doesn’t even have to give the order to Nile before his friend is on the phone, but there’s nothing for it.

It’s time for quick thinking. He’s certain that Levi will be able to handle whatever happens, so long as he doesn’t blindly lead them to the baby. “Keep trying,” he orders, spinning on his heel to leave the room. “Keep trying Levi as well.”

Nile pulls his phone out and dials Levi’s number. “Where are you going?” he asks Erwin.

“I’m going to report to the Captain,” he says. Mike follows him into the hall, leaving Nile with Hanji and their dead prisoner. There are orders that need to be given, and he needs to get to his family as soon as possible. If something happens to Armin or his caretakers, neither Erwin nor Levi will ever forgive themselves for it. 

He orders Mike to wait outside the door to the Captain’s office, raps sharply, and lets himself in. His face is cold, hard and serious, and he’s certain Keith will understand with a glance at his subordinate’s face that something bad has happened.

Shardis listens in silence as Erwin swiftly reports what has happened, and when he finishes Keith immediately is in action. It isn’t exactly as Erwin has been hoping. They’re in lockdown. He will send out special squads to man all public sectors within the area that they believe the Titans are closing in on such as the safe house. He can see how impatient Erwin is becoming at not being given an order that permits him to leave and get to Levi and Armin, before it’s too late.

“Commander, you are to remain here and oversee HQ security. I need a man I can trust on the inside right now.” He puts his hand up, to silence Smith, as he can tell he’s going to protest. “I’m sorry, Erwin. But from the intelligence we have it’s too risky to send in any more men to the safe house… Petra and Auruo knew the risks.” 

He stares him cold and hard in the face, his expression showing obvious pain and regret. “From what I’ve already heard back, Petra and Auruo never even made it to the safe house. We don’t know where they are.”


	4. The Part Where Everything is Definitely Hell and Everything Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News of Levi’s escape stunt comes almost instantly, delivered by Nile bursting into Pixis's office as he’s trying to reason with Erwin who is rapidly losing his patience and temper. A flash of anger crosses Pixis's face at this news. “Levi was never one who listened to me. He only ever truly took your orders,” he grumbles, glancing to Erwin. “Nile, I want him stopped. This may be our only chance to get these bastards, and I can’t have one rogue soldier out there to ruin it all, especially one who isn’t even authorised to be here anymore. Your men have permission to do whatever is needed to stop Levi.” Nile’s eyes widen slightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that finals are over for me I have time to edit and post this stuff as we keep writing, so here's a short chapter from [nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com) and I to tide you guys over!

Levi knows he’s being reckless. He’s letting his personal emotions cloud his better judgment, something dangerous for a soldier. Luckily, he isn’t a soldier anymore: he’s his own man, and he’s going to do things his way because his family is on the line here. 

He’s not going to the safe house. He’s gotten his hands on a headset, and tapped into the line of Keith's private office. He doesn’t know how many federal offenses he’s broken doing that and doesn’t care. He heard him say they had never made it to the safe house, which leaves two options: they are either already dead or they had somehow caught wind of something ill-winded and changed course. Petra is smart. Auruo may seem like a moron, but Levi would have never chosen him for his elite squad if he didn’t know what he was doing. 

He can’t contact either of them, and he’s glad for that. It means they knew they could be bugged, and their lines could be tapped and followed. 

It also makes things a hell of a lot harder for Levi. 

His mind is racing as he drives the vehicle he’s ‘borrowed’ from HQ. It’s an armoured van and he’s just driven straight through the boom gates to get the hell out of there. He knows it isn’t very subtle, so as soon as the opportunity presents itself, he will hijack another vehicle to throw off any followers. Erwin is going to be so mad at him. 

—

News of Levi’s escape stunt comes almost instantly, delivered by Nile bursting into Keith’s office as he’s trying to reason with Erwin who is rapidly losing his patience and temper. A flash of anger crosses Shardis's face at this news. “Levi was never one who listened to me. He only ever truly took your orders,” he grumbles, glancing to Erwin. “Nile, I want him stopped. This may be our only chance to get these bastards, and I can’t have one rogue soldier out there to ruin it all, especially one who isn’t even authorised to be here anymore. Your men have permission to do whatever is needed to stop Levi.” Nile’s eyes widen slightly. 

“Sir, you don’t mean-“

“Do I need to repeat myself?” 

Nile shuts his mouth, glancing at Erwin, then back to his superior. “No, sir.” He leaves. 

After Nile leaves, Erwin turns to glare daggers at his commanding officer, anger clear on his face. Levi can handle anything Nile throws at him, at least. Keith surely knows that. Keith also can’t let Levi just steal a vehicle without appearing to make an effort to catch and punish the culprit. Then there’s the matter that Levi has completely undermined their authority, and possibly any hopes they have of catching more of the Titans. 

His fists are clenched at his side, but he understands the Captain’s reasons. His decision is sound, and though he hates the logic, Erwin knows he will obey him. They’ve sacrificed many people for the little information that they do possess. It would be wrong of them to let those deaths be in vain for selfish reasons.

Erwin doesn’t argue. He stands at attention, silently glaring down his superior, waiting to be dismissed so he can go do his damn job. When Keith does dismiss him, Erwin salutes sharply, executes a perfect turn on his heel, and leaves the room. Mike falls into step behind him – properly two steps behind and one to the right. 

“We’re to oversee the security for HQ,” he informs Mike as they walk. His tone is perfectly calm and collected, though his blue eyes are utterly murderous. If Nile harms one hair on his husband’s head – unlikely though that may be – Erwin will shave him bald and then some for it.

Pushing aside his concern for his family is difficult, and he can’t brush it away completely this time, but Erwin manages to get his head on straight enough to start barking out orders. Anybody who joined within the last five years is rounded up and placed under arrest in a secure room and checked for bugs or Titan markings. Everyone else is stationed at proper intervals, and Erwin demands reports from each Squad Leader to ensure that his orders have been obeyed down to the utmost detail.

–

Where would Petra and Auruo have gone? Levi’s mind is calculating everything to the best of his ability, but it’s not his strongest point. He is not a strategist. He’s a soldier. He follows orders. Still, he does know his squad, and he knows how they think. If he was in need of a safe to be… He slams on the breaks, and does a sharp u- turn, narrowly missing a car coming the opposite way, honking loudly at him as he screeches off back down the freeway. 

It takes less than fifteen minutes at the speed he’s going to reach Carla Jaegar’s house. He leaps out and runs to the door, banging loudly, looking up and down the quiet street; at least, nothing seems out of the ordinary. 

The door opens slightly, a familiar face peeking out, before it opens even more and lets him slip inside. 

“Is he-?” Levi starts, Carla putting a reassuring hand on his chest. 

“They’re here. All of them. Armin is safe.” 

Relief floods Levi, then he hears crying, instantly recognising it as Armin. He rushes across the hall into the living area, where Petra is rocking the boy. Auruo stands quickly as his former Captain enters, Levi closing the small distance between them and crouching by Petra. 

“Lieutenant, I’m sorry, but we had to come here, we saw on the news the Conference and knew we couldn’t stay there,” she says, eyes wide, as she passes the boy into his father’s arms. 

“No, Petra, you did the right thing. You would have just gotten out in time. Thank you.” Levi holds Armin close to his chest, kissing the side of his head, cooing to him to try and calm his whimpering. He looks at the two. “Petra, Auruo…”

“You don’t have to say anything, Lieutenant. We’re with you through it all, to the end,” Auruo says, with a small, grim smile. He nods, his grateful emotion for them too overwhelming for words, and looks to Carla. 

“Carla, now that we’re here, you know what this means…” 

It means that her home, her family, are in danger, but she nods, her expression set and determined. At her knees two small children clutch at her skirts, no older than three he guesses. One – the girl – has dark raven hair and even darker eyes, and she glares at them all. The other – a boy – has short brown hair and startling green eyes and tanned skin, like his mother. Their father had left them early, leaving Carla to raise them as a single mother. No one knows where he went. They’re good kids, from the little time Levi has spent with them. 

“I’ll sooner die than turn my back on my friends. We’ll be fine,” she says, her hands resting on her childrens' heads. Mikasa stays at her adopted mother’s side, while Eren toddles forward to clutch Levi’s trouser knees and stand on tippy toes to try and see Armin, his eyes curious. Levi relents a little and dips the boy down for him to see. 

“Lieutenant, do we call for backup?” Petra asks, standing, now ready for orders. Levi shakes his head. 

“The lines are bugged. We have no idea who is trustworthy at HQ anymore.”

“What about Erwin?”

Levi knows his husband will be mad, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything right now more than protecting Armin. 

“Call his home mobile. The Titans can’t have tapped that.”

Petra nods and makes the call.

–

When his personal mobile rings, Erwin promptly excuses him from the Squad Leader who has been giving him the latest report on their security situation to answer it. There’s a bit of relief in seeing Petra’s number on the caller ID, but he’s still wary as he answers it. If the Titans have gotten to them Erwin wouldn’t put it passed them to taunt him from her phone. 

It’s not a Titan: just Petra, letting him know that they’re safe. In the background he can hear Carla’s voice, and Erwin knows where they are. That’s enough. He sinks into the nearest chair as they speak, the relief plain on his face. If the situation wasn’t so grave Erwin has a feeling he’d be crying from the sheer strength of the emotions flooding him at the good news. 

“Can you put Levi on for a moment?” he asks her, choking back the emotion that threatens to cloud his voice. Hearing his husband’s voice will make him feel better, and it’s better that Erwin tells him that Nile has been sent gunning for him due to his stunt with the armored van. Now they’ll all need to keep an eye out for two enemies, one of whom shouldn’t even be going against them. It’s a mess, but Erwin’s confident in Levi.

When they talk, he informs his husband in a quiet tone of the change in situation, using a private code the two of them had worked out ages ago. This is one thing Erwin can be confident that the Titans haven’t cracked. It sounds like gibberish to everyone passing by, but Erwin’s able to get his point across quickly, and reassure Levi he loves him. He tells Levi to get to safety and to call him back when he is – whether he brings their family and Carla’s here, or elsewhere. Erwin also informs him that they’ve rounded up all the possible suspects, and lets him know that right now, HQ is considered safest.

As much as he wants to keep talking, Erwin doesn’t stay on the phone long. The line is supposedly secured, but the longer they talk, the more time the Titans have to trace. Erwin unwillingly ends the call, terrified that it will be the last time he hears his husband’s voice or his son crying. It takes him a couple of minutes to get himself back together, but he’s able to focus more easily now. Assured of his family’s temporary safety, Erwin clears his mind and heads back to his office, resuming the meeting with the Squad Leader with a clearer heart and mind.

Levi’s equally good at concealing his emotions as he speaks hurriedly to Erwin, but he has always been prone to snapping more easily. He breaks just slightly when Erwin tells him he loves him, and he tells him he loves him too, voice trembling with deep emotion as the line clicks and goes dead. He’s well aware that this could be the last time he hears Erwin’s voice. 

It all happened so suddenly. Even to this day Levi struggles to recall all the details. He had hung up. He’d gone back and taken Armin from Petra. 

That was when they all received a grim reminder that they lived in fear of the Titans. 

An explosion blasts half the house completely apart. At least no one is in that part of the house; otherwise, there would be no chance of survival. Even so, the force of the explosion sends them flying, and all Levi can think to do is protect Armin. He uses his own body as a shield over his son from the flying debris. Something embeds itself deeply in his shoulder, and the pain is excruciating, but that’s the funny thing about adrenaline – one doesn’t seem to notice stuff like that right away.

Though he can’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears, Levi knows Armin is screaming in his arms. He can tell from his gaping mouth, his eyes wide in terror, but he can’t hear anything except for a high pitching whine. He can feel hot, thick liquid oozing down the side of his head from his broken eardrums. He prays to God he’s not gone permanently deaf. 

He’s the first up, stumbling, in the wreck of the house. There’s movement, and it’s Auruo, pulling Petra out of the rubble, supporting her, as she appears to be unconscious. Unquestioningly, he gives Armin to his former squad member, hand signaling to get out of here. 

Their only hope is that Nile is out there somewhere looking for him, and that he finds them in time. An explosion like this will draw attention. 

Someone is screaming, and it sounds more animal than human, but he realises it’s Eren. He’s clutching Carla, whose entire bottom half is caught under rubble, nearly the entire brick- laid wall. Levi already can tell her legs are crushed, and there’s no way she’s getting out. He makes his way to her anyway and tries in vain to pull her out. She’s yelling and shoving at him, tears streaming down her cheeks, and he can just make out what she’s saying – 

“Take them! Take them, please! Save my children!” 

Levi does the hardest thing he’s had to do in his life then. He grabs Eren, who is still in hysterics, clinging to his mother, and Mikasa, who is lying still, evidently in too much shock to move, tearing them away from the wreck of the house before it collapses completely around them. 

It would have been better if they stayed in the house: outside, Petra and Auruo are on their knees in front of masked men with guns pointed to their heads. Armin is howling and being held under the arm of another man, and three gunmen have Levi at point blank as soon as he appears from the wreck. 

Without a weapon, disorientated, and severely injured, it’s hopeless to try and fight back, as he’s also forced to his knees. The children are torn from his grasp screaming as a gun barrel is shoved under his chin, forcing him to look up. This is how Levi will die. _Nile, you bastard, now would be a great time to not be late…_

There’s the rattle of gunfire, but not from the Titans: they fall dead, cut down where they stand. The man in front of Levi collapses onto him, and he rolls him off with a grunt, swinging around to see armoured vans with the Wings of Freedom painted on the sides screeching to a stop around them, a helicopter swooping down. He can make out Nile running towards them, and sees Armin being picked up by a soldier, before everything goes black.


	5. The Part Where Everyone Gets to Recover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s in a hospital. In bed. With tubes in his arms and his nose. He lifts an arm and yanks them out of his nostrils, disgusted. Then he notices his arms, wrapped in gauze, as well as his hands and chest. In fact, a lot of his body is wrapped up like a gift. Burns? Has to be. 
> 
> How long has it been since the Titan attack? He has no clue, but one thing screams at him: Erwin. Where is Erwin?

It’s too bright. Why is it so damn bright? 

Levi opens his eyes. He sees nothing. What the fuck? He tries to blink them open, but can’t due to the excruciating pain. He opens his mouth to speak but no sounds leave his throat, his lips cracked and bleeding. He feels a strong and familiar hand cup his cheek and he presses into that touch like it could give him life, before being dragged back under. 

Who knows how much time passes before he regains consciousness again, and when he does it’s still too bright. At least he can actually open his eyes this time, but it takes several minutes for his surroundings to come into focus. 

He’s in a hospital. In bed. With tubes in his arms and his nose. He lifts an arm and yanks them out of his nostrils, disgusted. Then he notices his arms, wrapped in gauze, as well as his hands and chest. In fact, a lot of his body is wrapped up like a gift. Burns? Has to be. 

How long has it been since the Titan attack? He has no clue, but one thing screams at him: Erwin. Where is Erwin? 

He turns his head to the left. 

 

Oh. There he is. 

Erwin is slumped in his chair, looking like total shit, unshaven, dark bags under his eyes, his normally immaculate hair a mess. That damn old man. He’s beautiful. 

“Oi,” Levi says, or tries to, but nothing comes out. He tries again. “Oi, wake up old man.” He manages to croak out, voice gravelly and hoarse but intelligible.

Levi’s been out cold for four days now. Shardis has been lenient with Erwin, forcing him to take time off from the search for their internal leak to be with his family, though Erwin is still helping from the hospital as much as he can to keep himself distracted. Armin’s also in the hospital, fortunately not in as severe a condition as his husband. Levi had sheltered him well, but their son’s eardrums are a mess and their boy already has his first broken arm. It’s just his arm, but even that much breaks Erwin’s heart.

Their son had been moved into Levi’s room three and a half days ago, as the nurses had seen Erwin having to wander the long hallways between units to check on them both frequently. Armin’s asleep in a baby bed next to Erwin, down for his afternoon nap now. Erwin’s been doing his best to keep Armin to his usual routine. It’s something that brings both of them comfort, especially when he doesn’t know if Levi is ever going to wake up. 

Carla’s children are safe as well, preferring to stick close to the only other adult they know, which is Erwin. Mikasa and Eren are curled up on either side of his lap, as they have been for over an hour now. Erwin does his best to comfort them and tries to get them to go to other adults when they get visitors, but they won’t do it. Even Hannes, the man who had introduced them to the Jaegers, can’t entice them to him. He’s gone by to help salvage what he can of the children’s possessions and their mother’s, and has brought by clean clothes, toys, and their mother’s blanket for them. When they all curl up for a nap, Erwin drapes the blanket over the three of them, knowing that it comforts the kids.

The sound of Levi’s voice draws Erwin from his light sleep, and he opens his eyes. That sound is a relief – just what he’s been silently praying for since the day their lives went to hell. 

“Who are you calling old?” Erwin jests quietly with a peaceful smile. The relief is as clear on his face as the tears that well up in his eyes. He doesn’t move because he can’t do that without waking the kids, except to push the ‘call nurse’ button and then reach for Levi’s hand. “You ass, I’ve been worried sick about you. You’ve been in a coma for four and a half days.”

Erwin gently brings the hand to his lips and kisses it. It’s not burned like the rest of Levi’s body. “Are you in pain?” he asks, eyes never lifting from Levi’s. Now that he can look into them again, Erwin finds himself terribly unwilling to stop doing it. Armin stirs slightly in his hospital crib at the noise, but it’s just to roll over into a better position before he’s settling back into a deep sleep again.

Mikasa also stirs a little at the noise. She makes a soft sound of protest and presses her head in closer to Erwin’s chest. Out of all three kids, she’s the lightest sleeper, always worrying so far, always trying to cling to all of them. Erwin’s both grateful and sad that these two aren’t old enough to have developed their memory fully. It’s a good thing, because he desperately doesn’t want the kids to recall something so traumatic. It’s a sad thing, as well: these two won’t remember their mother. 

Levi manages to crack a smile at his comment, a hum thrumming through him when he raises his hand and tenderly kisses it. His eyes widen a little in alarm hearing he has been out for so long. That is definitely not healthy for a human being. Well, he’s awake now. 

“Yeah, but I’ve had worse,” he says truthfully, grunting as he tries to shift himself a little to sit up better. He cranes his head to see Armin in the baby-bed, his heart squeezing in his chest tightly as he sees his arm, how his head is bandaged around his ears. His baby. His precious boy. He hates himself for letting this happen, even if the circumstances had been out of his control, and even if without him there, they would have lost him entirely. 

He then looks to the two nestled safely in Erwin’s lap. Eren is wedged in the crook of his arm, a pinched expression on his face, like he’s in pain, and he frankly won’t be surprised if he is given the trauma he’s been through. The other, Mikasa, sits back resting against Erwin’s chest, her dark hair cast across her eyes. Like Armin their ear drums had instantly been operated upon to save them. They have bandaged cuts and bruises, but somehow came out relatively unscathed. He can tell they will be tough ones when they grow up. 

He blinks, as he realises he had thought about them growing up as if he will be taking a part in their lives: and he realises that he _will_ be. That he has to. 

Levi catches Erwin’s eyes, the blue orbs almost shining. “This was all my fault. If I had never come to that conference none of this would have happened. Carla is dead because of me. I’ve orphaned two children.” His voice cracks, and not from how dry it is, and he doesn’t know he’s crying until he sees Erwin’s expression change, and feels the fat tears rolling down his cheeks. “I could have killed our son. Erwin, I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry! I’m sorry-” He can’t remember the last time he lost control of his emotions like this. Levi doesn’t cry. When encountered with grief, a small part of him cuts away and shrivels up, but he never allows himself to outwardly grieve. He sees no rationality in it. Something has broken now and he feels more exposed and vulnerable and raw than ever. A nurse, thank God, comes in then and takes the sleeping children from Erwin.

Erwin doesn’t mind passing off the other two right now to be laid down in the other bed in the room. He’s been sleeping there with them every night that Levi’s been in his coma. While nurse examines his husband Erwin sits quietly, not stirring at all until Armin starts to fuss. She pauses her examination to pass him to Erwin, knowing that he’s completely exhausted. Erwin checks his son’s diaper and gets up to deal with that before returning to the chair with a bottle of juice, a jar of baby food, a spoon, and a cloth. It’s lunch time for him as well, but Erwin won’t eat until he’s got Armin taken care of as it's too difficult for him to manage a baby, feed a baby, and eat himself with one arm. 

The nurse finishes while he’s still feeding the baby, going to fetch the doctor. Armin’s definitely feeling better today, back to his usual game of trying to grab the spoon from Erwin’s hand so he can fling food everywhere. While Levi was out, the baby had discovered gravity as well, so he has to keep everything on his lap from Armin’s hands to avoid the near-toddler throwing it to the ground. That was a lesson learned the hard way two days ago.

“It’s not your fault,” Erwin says, once they’re relatively alone again. He keeps his voice soft to avoid waking up the toddlers until lunch arrives. “You made the best choice you could with the information available to you. No one knows how our choices will turn out. The blame for all this lies squarely on the shoulders of the Titans. It’s the opinion of Captain Shardis and the other military brass that if you had not been there all of them would have been lost. We found out late in the interrogation that they already knew the relevant locations. You saved lives, Levi, with your quick thinking – even if you didn’t save them all. You saved our son.” That means the world to Erwin – that his whole family is alive. 

Armin turns his head to look at his papa and coos at him between bites and trying to get the spoon away from his dad. “By the way,” he says, “don’t put anything in Armin’s hands that you don’t want to end up immediately on the ground.”

Levi is soothed minutely by Erwin’s words, seeing the reason behind them. His mind still betrays him and thinks back to poor Carla, left there to die. He’s known her for a long time- longer than Erwin. She was a good, kind woman, and didn’t deserve this to happen to her. 

He wipes impatiently at his eyes and a hiccup escapes him as he chuckles, pulling himself up more. “Oh yeah?” he muses at Erwin’s revelation about Armin, as he looks at his son fondly in his partners arms. “Can I…?” He holds out his arms questioningly, but of course Erwin passes Armin to him, overly careful of his head and Levi’s burnt arms. Levi doesn’t mind and accepts the slight stinging pain from his weight pressing down on them. 

What he really wants is to have Erwin closer for something else, and takes his chance when he leans down and steals a kiss from him. He had intended it to be tender, but it came out more searing, probably from their emotions still running on high. They break away only when Armin lets out a high pitched squeal of pleasure at seeing his daddies’ interaction, waving his one good arm up at them, patting Levi’s cheek. He laughs and kisses his hand, then each little finger, Armin babbling ‘Dadadada…’ over and over until he says something that makes both their eyes widen in shock and delight. 

“Daddy!”

Levi’s heart skips a beat, and he looks at Erwin in almost disbelief. “Did he just say-?”

“Daddy!” Armin shouts, as if to assure him that ‘yes, I did just say that’, and bursts into laughter at his father’s reactions, very pleased with himself. He reaches up and touches Erwin’s cheek, softly saying ‘Daddy’ then Levi’s cheek again, saying it once more. 

That’s Armin’s first word. Erwin’s jaw drops at the sound. Behind him, the kids shift in their sleep at the noise from the baby, but otherwise don’t stir. He’s grateful, because Erwin doesn’t want any distractions right now. His hand fumbles for his phone so he can record this.

“That’s his first word,” he mumbles in shock as he gets the camera on and points it as his son. “Hey, Armin. What did you just say?”

Armin beams right at the camera and repeats himself, saying the word over and over again. Erwin wants to cry. His firstborn’s first word, and he seems to know what it means. He’s there for this first too, and Levi’s even awake for it. He brings a hand up to cover his mouth as he stops recording and sets the phone aside. The joy of it, especially in light of what had happened, is overwhelming. Erwin moves so that he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, so he can more easily kiss the baby’s head and slide his hand through the boy’s head.

“I think I’m going to cry,” he breathes to Levi.

Levi laughs – a low, throaty sound – tears already wetting his cheeks and some more being added at the joy of it all. “Don’t. We don’t need three babies here,” he jokes, wiping his eyes and sniffing, kissing Armin’s head again in affection. Now that Armin’s said the word, he can’t seem to stop, saying it over and over again, each time directed at a different parent as if to receive their different reactions. He claps his hands, very pleased, giggling shrilly, babbling something incoherent to himself. 

Levi looks to Erwin and can see his eyes are bright with unshed tears, and he reaches out and cups his cheek fondly. They exchange a look, and words aren’t needed. They’re going to be okay. 

—

 

A few days pass and Levi is well on the way to recovery, as are the kids. Eren and Mikasa still don’t speak much, and refuse to leave Erwin’s side, and now Levi’s that he is awake. Eren, in particular, latches onto the smaller man often sitting quietly on his bed with him as Levi tries to coax some words out of him. Eren just sits there with that serious expression of his. Both toddlers adore Armin, and Armin in return loves them. It’s already as if they are all siblings. 

Mike and Hanji come to visit him. When Petra and Auruo are able to leave their beds they do the same. Even Keith and Nile come to see him, Nile in his own brusque and awkward way revealing just how much the whole disaster has affected him. It’s almost touching really. 

Then of course the matter comes up of the fate of Eren and Mikasa. They are orphans now, with no known living relatives. They’re going to be taken away, but Levi has a solution. 

Levi is not able to move around yet; currently, he’s holding Mikasa as he sits in the chair by the window. Erwin is on the floor with Eren and Armin. Eren is making a fuss as Armin keeps trying to chew the toys, and he chides him, “No eat! No eat!” 

Levi decides to take the plunge then. 

“Erwin,” he says quietly, waiting for him to turn his head to him. Levi takes in a breath. “You always wanted a larger family, didn’t you?”

Erwin knows that Levi knows that the answer to that is a resounding yes. He’s wanted a large family since he was a kid, but has so far put that dream aside in place of a compromise for the sake of his husband’s happiness. When Levi asks the question Erwin whips his head around to look at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape in surprise and hope – at least, agape until Armin shoves a toy into it.

The action startles Erwin out of his shock, and he gently removes the toy from his mouth and teases Armin by rubbing his stubble over the boy’s hand. It gets a squeal of joy out of him, and Erwin has a moment to stare at Levi and try to read his face while Armin is distracted.

“You know I do,” he replies in a low voice. Does that mean Levi wants to add Carla’s children to their family? In a matter this serious, it’s best to get straight to the point. “Levi, do you want to adopt Eren and Mikasa?” 

He hopes so. Until these poor kids had lost their mother Erwin had never dared to hope Levi would be willing to take in a second or a third, but these two have grown attached to their family, and Erwin is quickly falling in love with these two as they begin to open up to them.

Levi strokes Mikasa’s dark head, as she stirs and yawns widely, looking up at Levi with bleary eyes as if he’s the only person in the world. He boops her nose with his finger and she scrunches her face in distaste, but is still half-asleep so her head drops forward to his chest and she’s asleep again. 

“Are you saying you’d be willing to do that?” he replies back, infuriatingly cryptically, but that’s so Levi when it comes to revealing a very private side of himself. 

He can tell from Erwin’s look though that he wants a straight answer. He sighs and looks back down at Mikasa, at her peaceful sleeping expression. Then he imagines her and Eren having to grow up as he did – parent-less with no real place to call a home. It screws people up, not knowing who they are, and not being loved. That’s how he became the person he is today. 

“Yes. I want us to adopt them. I don’t want them to be taken away,” Eren seems to have lost interest in the toys, and gets up, toddling over to Levi in his chair with a block, and stands on tippy-toes to place it on his lap, next to his sister. 

“Hey-chow…” he mutters, and Levi’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Did he just try to call him ‘Heichou’? Carla used to refer to him as such around Eren, to tease him. Had the kid really picked that up? 

“What did you say?” he asks Eren, the boy swinging his head and looking up at him with wide – and he doesn’t know why he’s never noticed this – but stunning eyes. He gets shy, mumbles something, runs back to Erwin and grabs another toy, stumbles back to Levi and puts another block in his lap. “Hey-chow!” he says it again, and this time cracks a wide smile, gripping at Levi’s knees. Mikasa stirs and scowls, but sees her brother and starts to fuss, so Levi carefully bends over and scoops up Eren into his lap as well, where the boy happily nestles into the crook of his arm.

He knows Erwin is privy to all that, and looks at his husband smiling, a wistful expression on his face. “I don’t think we really have a choice now, do we?”

Eren and Mikasa aren’t doing well with any of the other adults and potential parents they’ve tried to introduce them to, even friends they’ve known for a while now. One possibility is that none of them have kids yet (with the possible exception of Petra, because Erwin thinks she just _looks_ like she’s in the early stages of pregnancy), another is that they’ve just known Levi for so long that they can’t help but want to be close to that familiarity. After what they’ve been through Erwin can hardly blame them. 

He watches them curl up on Levi’s lap, two happy little toddlers, and can’t help but smile. Eren even knows Carla’s nickname for Levi. It’s so precious the way he barely manages to say it. 

“I’ll see if I can’t get the paperwork to us today,” Erwin says in reply, and pulls out his phone to make some calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff to come next chapter! It will be a ridiculously long chapter that's almost entirely fluffy. I'm in the middle of editing it, but it's 11.5k words so no idea when that will be done and up. As always, [nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com) is an amazing Levi and co-writer and you guys should go give her some love at that link there.


	6. The Part Where They Go To The Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once Mikasa is sure she’s found one of every kind of bird she takes Erwin’s hand and drags him back over the blanket. It makes him chuckle a little when she tells him that he _has_ to eat or he’ll get old too fast and never have any energy for play time. Erwin agrees with her even as she makes him sit down on the blanket and plops into his lap. Mikasa’s greatest joy in life seems to be taking care of her loved ones and Erwin feels like that’s a damn good characteristic to encourage – so long as she learns when to say no and to take care of herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note about the rank system: the Funimation translation drives me up a wall because they translate Levi's rank as Captain and Erwin's as Commander. There is literally no military _in the world_ where Captain is outranked by Commander - in fact it's quite the opposite. Hell, even the Rebel Alliance's ranks don't do that and they're dirty rebel scum who don't know what they're doing. Usually officer ranks go Sec. Lt.  > First Lt. > Comm. > Capt. > Lt. Col > Col > etc. We have replaced Major with Commander. So Erwin and Nile are still Commanders, but when Shardis retires his Captaincy or gets promoted, then Erwin will move up to the high rank and pay of Captain. Mike, Levi, and Hanji would be First Lt.s. Sorry for the long note, hope that makes sense. Pixis will show up eventually, but he's been booted for now.

In the aftermath of the chaos, the suddenly-much-larger Smith family had been moved to a larger house in the most secure part of the military base, as had their close friends and family. They’re still under constant watch as the Titan activity has recently spiked sharply and their intel suggests their family is a target to them still. Erwin has been putting in longer and longer hours at HQ, driving his people hard to make another break in the case. It’s been a month since that day, but they still haven’t managed to ID all of the bodies of those Titans that had attacked at Carla’s house.

Today, however, is not a day for thinking about work anymore than Erwin has to. They’ve finally managed to arrange a decent sized security escort (all people they both trust), and have gotten in contact with park security and local police to work out a plan. The entire family has been disguised and packed into the car despite all the fuss made by the kids over sunblock, hats, and sunglasses.

Today they’re going to the zoo.

Armin is in his stroller, Erwin dealing with that while Levi gets their two other fussing children out of their baby-seats in the back of the car. Mikasa fusses because she doesn’t want to leave Eren’s side for even a second. Eren kicks up a storm because the kid seems to always have this angry streak in him that worries Levi just slightly. As soon as both are out, Mikasa scurries over to Erwin to oversee him putting Armin in his stroller and chatters away at them both. 

“Auruo, thank you again for agreeing to do this; you don’t know what this means to us,” Levi says, looking over to his friend and squad member, who is one of the guards on station for this special trip. Auruo grins. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Lieutenant. Petra is sorry she couldn’t be here, but I’d rather she wasn’t in her condition,” he says slyly, subtly dropping the hint with a smirk twitching at the corner of his lips. Levi smiles, and claps his shoulder. 

“I didn’t want to say anything, but we both suspected it.” ‘Both’ in this case means him and Erwin. “Congratulations. You’ll make a fine father” 

Just as he says that Eren reaches out and yanks on Auruo’s curly hair, making the man yelp in pain and surprise, which of course startles Eren who starts to howl. Auruo looks devastated. 

Levi sighs heavily, starting the long process of trying to calm Eren down, glancing back at the poor man. “That doesn’t count!” Levi thinks right now is about time they get into the zoo. 

“Mikasa, come on, take my hand,” he directs his daughter, who cuts off from her ‘conversation’ with her other father, looking at Levi as if he’s being very rude. After seeing his hand extended she runs over and happily clutches it. 

“Wanna hold hey-chow!” Eren grumbles jealously, snot dribbling a little out his nose from his crying as he hiccups. Levi puts him down and hurriedly cleans him up. 

“Well good thing Heichou has two hands, hm?” he says, offering his other to Eren who takes it, and instantly starts to swing it back and forth. 

“Papa has one,” Mikasa observes very softly, as if just to herself. She is extremely perceptive, and Levi can tell she’s going to be one to watch. “Yes, papa does have one hand – all for you Mikasa.” Levi replies softly, not able to explain why that’s so to a toddler, at least not just yet. He walks to Erwin with the two scurrying beside him, seeing he’s managed to buckle Armin in fine and they look ready to go. First though… Levi stands on tippy-toes and kisses his man.

Their kids are absolutely precious. In the short time they’ve had the toddlers Erwin has fallen completely in love with them, despite Eren’s anger issues. He grins widely when Auruo confirms what they’ve suspected for some time now, and then laughs outright when Eren makes him yelp.

“It takes time to get used to them doing that though,” he says, looking up from buckling in Armin and whatever he’s discussing with Mikasa to provide some comfort. “Levi can’t talk, he still yelps if the kids yank on his hair.”

He listens to Levi explain his arm to Mikasa as he gets the last of the buckles in place. The security escort around them is blissfully patient. None of them have kids yet, but he knows there’s one or two besides Auruo that have one on the way. Mike and Nile are lurking around elsewhere, having opted to follow them at a distance and coordinate their security team. If either of them are seen with Erwin it will definitely make their group more easily recognizable and they’re not going to take that risk with the kids around. Erwin can communicate with them via a discreet earpiece and microphone that all of the adults are wearing. They can change the channels with their phones, which also encrypt them. Erwin, Auruo, and Levi won’t hear any chatter unless it’s important enough for Mike or Nile to patch it through to them, but the security team can hear every word they say. It’s something Hanji rigged up ages ago for use in the field, and it’s been well-tested: they know it works, so they’re using it.

Erwin bends down to meet Levi for the kiss before they set off into the park. Armin’s quiet in his stroller, likely still sucking down the post-nap bottle Erwin had slipped him to keep the baby still while he buckled him in. He’s a little nervous that Armin will launch the damn thing at somebody though. It doesn’t matter what Armin gets in his hands anymore, it’s usually on the ground in five seconds or less if it hasn’t been shoved straight into his tiny little mouth that’s slowly growing incredibly sharp and vicious teeth.

Armin’s learned to bite now too, and Erwin proudly bears the proof of that on his index finger. 

They see peacocks wandering loose as they enter. He knows they’re nothing to be afraid of, but Erwin has no clue how the kids are going to react to see birds that are at least twice their size wandering around. Thankfully, they don’t seem to come too near the visitors. The bottle slips out of Armin’s mouth with an audible pop as he catches sight of the birds. Erwin pauses the stroller to deftly snatch the bottle away and put it underneath in the shade before Armin can throw it as the baby starts to babble and clap happily at the birds.

“Look, Eren, Mikasa. Aren’t the peacocks pretty?” Levi says, pointing out the birds even if it’s unnecessary because the kids have indeed noticed them. Mikasa doesn’t look fazed, except her serious expression furrows a bit more as if in concentration. Eren’s eyes have widened, mouth dropped open in a small ‘O’. 

“YAAAAAAAH!” Eren suddenly yells, breaking away from Levi to run head-on at the peacocks. God, that kid has no sense of fear! “Eren! Eren get back here!” Levi barks, as the peacocks shriek in alarm and thankfully just fly away into a nearby tree rather than attack the child. Eren skids to a stop at the tone in his father’s voice, knowing that he’s in deep trouble. Levi leaves Mikasa with Erwin to go to Eren, and he crouches in front of him. Eren’s lips are wobbling and his eyes are bright. The crocodile tears will be here soon. 

“Eren, at the zoo you are not allowed to chase the animals, understand?” Levi says in a calm, but stern voice so Eren knew he was being serious. Eren whimpers and lets a few tears roll down his cheeks, but Levi doesn’t waver. He’s not going to fall for that like Erwin does; his husband is the biggest softie when it comes to disciplining the kids. 

“Wanna say hello to birdies,” the boy mumbles, sniffling. 

“You can say hello to the birdies, but don’t scare them. That wasn’t very nice was it?” 

Eren looks mortified. “I… scared birdies?” 

That seems to get through to him, and Levi nods gravely. Eren looks up the tree to the peacocks, then back to Levi. “I— didn’t mean to! Hey-! I’m sowwy!” he sobs, and now that he’s apologised Levi’s expression softens and he scoops him up, wiping his cheeks with his shirt and bouncing him up and down slightly.

“It’s okay, Eren, I’m not mad. But you should say sorry to the birdies,” he says as he walks him to the tree and Eren looks up at them solemnly. 

“I’m sowwy, birdies…” As if in answer, one of the peacocks squawks down at him, and Eren breaks a smile, giggling. 

Levi kisses the side of his head. “Good boy.” 

Levi can see that in the time Levi was disciplining Eren, Erwin has discreetly led off Mikasa and taken Armin towards the African safari entrance. Levi puts a now squirming Eren down, who of course has completely gotten over that little incident, and bolts to go catch up, and he can hear him telling Erwin the entire story at a barely understandable pace, clutching to his trouser leg. 

“Wanna see the cats! Kitties!” Mikasa is demanding, pointing to a sign for the lions. Eren proclaims loudly he wants to see the ‘cwokodiles’ and makes the snapping noises with his hands, chasing Mikasa, who squeals in terror and runs circles around the stroller and Erwin. Armin laughs, delighted by whatever his siblings are doing, clapping his hands.

Erwin’s not surprised that Eren lunges right for the peacocks. He sighs and leaves Armin with Auruo for a moment to take Mikasa’s hand and lead her away. The African safari exhibit is the closest one and he and Auruo take the other two children over to look at it. Mikasa is happy to tell him about all the cats and animals she wants to see, and Erwin’s pleased with himself that he can understand almost all of it. Of the two toddlers, she’s the easiest to understand, even though her and Eren are the same age. Hanji had assured him it’s normal when he had asked her, saying that girls developed speech a bit faster than boys. Mikasa will also likely be taller than Eren for a good long while, and he’s fine with that as well. 

He glances back occasionally to keep an eye on Levi and Eren – or at least, he does until Mike’s voice comes over just his headset to tell him to relax and pay attention to his damn kids. He’s got their backs. Erwin rolls his eyes, but he crouches by the stroller to listen to Mikasa telling him and Armin about the exhibit in front of them. 

Then Levi lets Eren go and the boy goes running back. He listens to Eren’s story, nodding along when it seems appropriate; since Eren is barely intelligible, Erwin’s just making guesses. The kids are full of energy, at least, and Erwin’s definitely looking forward to feeding them and getting them down for a nap. He’s not old by any stretch of the imagination, but he finds that he’s a lot more easily exhausted with three kids than with one.

When Eren starts chasing his sister he scoops the boy up in arm. Eren’s startled by the action and stares at Erwin with big eyes, as though wondering if he’s in trouble again. He’s not though, and Erwin plasters kisses over his cheeks until he gets Eren to laugh as hard as Armin is.

“Can you do me a favor?” he asks Eren, lowering his voice to a whisper. He finds Eren listens well if he thinks he’s being told some kind of big secret. 

“What?” Eren ‘whispers’ back. It’s definitely not an actual whisper, but it’s adorable and it makes Erwin smile. 

He brings his lips to Eren’s ear. “I need you to not run around while we’re here, okay? You could knock somebody over and hurt them – or you.” Erwin glances down at the other two as he talks, keeping an eye on them as well. Mikasa has gone back to telling Armin all about the monkeys in front of them.

Eren considers that for a moment before he ‘whispers’ his reply. “Why, papa? How hurt?”

“You could fall,” Erwin reminds him. “I need you to stay right with us, okay, so we can be together as a family. Can you do that, Eren?”

It takes the toddler a second to decide. When he nods the determination in his eyes is fierce. This kid has more willpower than Erwin usually does, but he’s also incredibly sweet and considerate. As long as they explain to Eren why his actions aren’t okay, he’ll behave until he forgets.

“I want on your shoulders,” he whispers back. Erwin’s strong enough to do that even with one arm, but not in this position. Fortunately for him Auruo is there to pluck Eren out of his arms and plop him onto his shoulders. It should keep him out of trouble for a bit, or so Erwin hopes.

“Thank-oo, Uncle Awurow,” Eren says politely as Auruo lifts him to Erwin’s shoulders and the man smiles widely, thinking that’s just about the cutest thing he’s ever heard. Maybe he is going to be an okay father. 

Levi catches up to them then, chiding Eren as he’s fisting Erwin’s blond hair tightly and tugging. “Horsey ride! Horsey ride! YAH! YAH!” he’s shouting, his little legs flapping, trying to boost his father to go forward faster. He occasionally gets his head with his foot, but he stops as they moved past the monkeys to the lions. Levi has taken control of the stroller, watching Mikasa carefully as she dashes forward in her excitement, hops up and down a bit in front of them, but runs back, bossing her fathers to ‘Walk faster!’, before she runs a few meters ahead again, stamps her feet in excitement, then dashes back. Levi breaks a smile and indulges her slightly, starting to run at a slow pace pushing the stroller, Armin squealing at the sudden burst in speed, Mikasa yelling excitedly and ‘racing’ her father to the lion enclosure. 

Eren is not happy at all being left behind. He starts to kick again and is nearly tearing fistfuls of Erwin’s hair out. “YAH! YAH! Run horsey run! YAH!” He can see they’re already there and whines. The toddler loosens his grip, and then bends himself over, so he’s staring at his father’s face upside-down. “It’s okay. Hey-chow says daddy’s old and too tall and you need to go slow sometimes.” 

Meanwhile Levi has picked up Mikasa and lifted her up onto the little steps they have for kids like Mikasa to see. It’s a bit embarrassing when Levi himself steps up onto one because dammit! The world is built for tall people! When Mikasa is up he gets Armin out of the stroller so he can see. 

It’s one of those open enclosures, and they’re suspended high up over the pen to look down and into it. The small pride of lions – there are eight – are all sleeping on a large rock. They can see seven lionesses and one lion and there also seem to be some cubs. “See the kitties, Armin? See?” Mikasa says, looking up to her brother, who’s sucking on his pacifier, and not really focusing on anything, then only at his sister. After all at his age their vision still isn’t so great. Levi knows he won’t actually be able to completely discern the lions, but he still wants him to experience this.

Auruo is laughing at Eren’s comment, and Erwin scowls a little at the news. If Levi wants to bitch to Hanji or Petra to vent and get stuff off his chest, that’s fine. Erwin doesn’t mind, and he knows either woman will tell him if he needs to sit his husband down for a talk – or bring him flowers as an apology. “Really?” he asks Eren in surprise, expertly hiding his own emotions to sound intrigued. “When did he say that?”

“Bath time!” Eren whispers to his right eye. “Hey-chow says you a soffie an’ it makes him mad.”

At least, Erwin _thinks_ that what Eren whispers. He asks him to repeat it quietly, and Eren says the same thing, and then adds that Levi also told them that daddy works too much. Erwin wants to pry more information out of his kids, but they’re at the exhibit already. He plucks Eren off his shoulder with one hand and lets him go run up to stand by Mikasa. Erwin stands behind them, keeping a hand on Eren’s shoulder as he bounces so he won’t fall off.

“Wow, lions!” he exclaims, and turns to look back up at Erwin with delight in his big, beautiful eyes.

How could he not be a bit of a softie with wonderful kids like these? “I see,” Erwin says, and ruffles Eren’s hair. “Can you count how many lions you see?”

There’s a silence from the toddlers while they both make a show of counting. Armin takes advantage of his siblings being quiet for once to coo at his father. Erwin kisses his forehead and gets smacked in the face for it as Armin gets excited and giggles. The baby reaches out for him so Erwin takes him from Levi and lets Armin mouth at his stubble and grab his shirt collar with his tiny hands. The baby babbles to him a little before turning in Erwin’s arm to rest his head on his dad’s shoulder while he stares at everyone else, eyes wide at all the activity.

“Fifty!” Eren suddenly proclaims, pointing at the lions. Erwin knows he can’t even count that high yet. Fifteen is Eren’s top number so far.

“No, eight,” Mikasa argues. “Not fifty, Eren.”

Eren gives her a dirty look. “Fifty!”

"All right you two, settle down" Levi interjects, before a fight breaks out between the two. He had overheard what Eren had been telling Erwin earlier. Dammit. He should have known Eren wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. He remembers telling him that while they had been having a bath together the other day. Levi never says anything _truly_ nasty about Erwin – but when he’s venting he sometimes says things the kids latch onto, like how he always grumbles that their dad is ‘a big idiot’. 

“Does daddy like the lions too?” he asks his husband, glancing over his shoulder at him as he says it, perfectly aware that him calling him ‘daddy’ has a perfectly innocent connotation to the kids, but from him it has a double meaning. 

“Yeah! Do you like the lions, daddy?” Eren repeats, Levi chuckling. 

“Oh I didn’t realise there was an echo in here!” he exclaims, and Eren scowls as he doesn’t know what he means by that, but it doesn’t affect him as he’s now bored with the lions and wants to move onto the giraffes. 

“Come on, Mika, let’s go see the giwaffs,” Eren says, hopping off his step, and it’s so cute how he takes Mikasa’s hand in his, leading her on down the boardwalk. Those two are inseparable; in fact, all three of them have become closer than Levi could have ever hoped. The toddlers even refuse to sleep separately. It does cause some problems as Eren wakes up often from his horrendous nightmares; the memory of his mother and the traumatic experience are still strong. 

Levi steps in beside Erwin, Armin resting his cheek on his father’s shoulder. Levi walks purposefully close, so they brush against each other. “Has Eren been gossiping to you?” he murmurs, glancing up and there’s a bit of an amused glint in his eyes.

The kids are so very cute. Erwin can hear Auruo snapping pictures of their hand-holding. There’s still a bit of heat in his eyes from Levi calling him daddy in public. Erwin’s just glad nobody else knows that word has a different meaning in the privacy of his bedroom. Armin twists a little in Erwin’s arms to watch his brother and sister, but his head is still reading against his dad’s shoulder.

How should he answer that question? ‘We need to talk later’ will only put both of them in a bad mood, and this isn’t the place to discuss how annoyed Erwin is feeling about that. Talking about him like that to their very impressionable kids angers him, but Erwin’s a master of keeping his emotions in check and doesn’t show it at all. 

Discussing it before the kids are in bed is out of the question, so Erwin decides he isn’t going to let it ruin his day or his good mood. He bends his head a little to murmur back. “You’ve been a very bad boy,” he says, his tone hot and teasing. “I think your daddy might have to punish you later.”

Unfortunately for Erwin, Armin is listening, though he can’t understand everything they say just yet. “Daddy,” he repeats quietly. It’s hard to keep the mood with a baby in his arms anyway, but Erwin supposes it’s enough to simply leave that thought hanging in the air between them as a promise for later. 

He turns his attention back to Armin as their kids stop to wait for the old folks to catch up to them. At least Eren is still listening to Erwin and hasn’t taken off running yet. It seems like he’s taken the discussion to heart for now. “Yes, that’s right,” he says to Armin. He kisses the baby’s forehead and Armin cuddles closer. The kids get along great, but Armin hasn’t exactly easily adjusted to all the changes in his daily routine. It’s still a bit difficult for him to share attention with the older two, so Erwin doesn’t begrudge the boy his attention now.

“Can you say ‘papa’?” he asks. Sometimes Armin will make a good attempt to repeat a word, but they’re all mostly barely recognizable. ‘Daddy’ is the only thing that’s come out clearly so far.

“Daddy?” Armin asks. It’s precious, the way he sounds a little unsure. 

Erwin kisses him again, gets a little giggle. “No. Say ‘papa’.”

There’s a moment of silence while his request is processed. Honestly, Erwin’s expecting to hear ‘daddy’ again or just incoherent babbling. Armin lifts his head up to look him dead in the eye and calmly says, “No.” 

Erwin’s jaw drops and he stops dead in his tracks, gaping in surprise at his youngest. “What?” he asks, thinking maybe he hadn’t quite heard that right.

“No,” Armin repeats and lays his head back down on Erwin’s shoulder. His father is stunned, and looks over at Levi.

Levi’s body responds to what Erwin breathes in his ear, that low, deep husky voice of his going straight to his dick. Man, that would be pretty embarrassing, getting a boner at the zoo. They’d think he’s some kind of sicko. Thankfully being a grown-ass man means he has more control than some gangly teenager and so Levi regains control of himself. His eyes are still dark with want, pupils blown slightly wider. When the kids are put down for their nap he and Erwin may have a little ‘play time’ of their own.

His dirty thoughts are interrupted by Armin’s little milestone. Levi looks equally stunned, stopping as well to gape. 

“Did he just-“

“No!” 

Armin cuts him off, and Levi can’t help the wide grin, and the bark of laughter that leaves his throat. “Erwin! He just said no! What did you say, Armin?” 

“No, no, no, no,” he’s saying it over and over now, smiling as he has made his dad smile too, and that makes him happy. Now nothing can ruin their good mood, both thrilled to the max at their son. Eren and Mikasa seem to grow impatient, and come back to their fathers wanting to know what the fuss is all about. 

“Armin, will you call daddy ‘papa’? Say papa?” Levi coaxes, and just as he hopes, Armin exclaims a stubborn “NO!” 

Mikasa smiles, and wants to praise her brother, so when Erwin stoops Mikasa kisses Armin’s cheek sweetly. Eren seems less impressed and doesn’t get what the fuss is all about. “I can say that too! No! Nonnononononono! NO!” he shouts.

Erwin laughs at Eren and kisses the top of his head while he’s still crouched down. “You said it very well too,” he praises. “Maybe not quite so loud would be good though.” They’re receiving a few stares, and Erwin doesn’t want to risk running into a Titan in public. The less attention they receive from strangers, the better off they’ll all be.

“No,” Armin tells him, and flops back down on his shoulder. Erwin grins and stands back up.

“All right,” he says to their very impatient toddlers, “you still want to go see the giraffes?”

Mikasa gives him the most impatient face he’s ever seen on a toddler – and Erwin’s been around Nile’s kids quite a bit. “That’s why we were waiting,” she says, talking down to him like he’s the kid and she’s the parent. It makes Erwin laugh.

“Oh, I see,” he says to his daughter as they start walking again. “My mistake.” It’s important to him that the kids hear them both apologize when they’ve done something wrong, and Erwin’s not so proud he won’t admit a mistake – real or imagined – to a toddler.

“I forgive you,” she says seriously, and reaches out to grab his pants leg as they walk since she can’t hold onto his hand. The toddlers are ecstatic when they get to the giraffes. This exhibit lets you get nearly close enough to touch them, and there are some curious giraffes near the railing. Squeals of joy erupt from their toddlers and even Armin is utterly entranced. These must be close enough for even the baby to see. Armin’s quiet for a moment, just staring at the giraffes in shock, before he squeals loudly and begins to babble excitedly to the animals.

Auruo’s got the camera out again. Erwin hopes he managed to get a shot of Armin’s first close-up look of a giraffe, as well as the toddlers. Eren and Mikasa cling to the railing and bounce with delight at the sight of so many of the animals. There’s a wicked grin on Erwin’s face as he turns to look at Levi. “I suspect Mike might be a giraffe,” he murmurs to him. “Look at the coloring, the hair, the ridiculous height.”

There’s silence from the headsets for a moment before Mike’s voice comes through both his and Levi’s earpieces, sounding playfully annoyed. “Hey, I can hear you, asshole.”

Erwin chuckles softly, then makes an “oof” sound as Armin accidentally kicks him in the stomach in the process of kicking his feet in excitement.

Levi snickers in amusement at Erwin’s comment. “No, I’d say when we get to the anteaters we’ll find some of Mike’s long lost relatives. Even his nose puts theirs to shame” 

He grins as he can hear that Erwin is getting a fair mouthful over the headpiece from Mike over that. He overhears him say ‘Tell Levi he smells like shit all the time anyway’ and Levi just snorts but damn him, that always gets to the clean freak. Mike ALWAYS snidely commented that he smelt bad, and while he pretended to brush it off as him being a liar, sure enough he’ll go home and be scrubbing himself furiously with every kind of scented body wash, muttering under his breath ‘Stink my ass, smell this Mike…’.

“Would you like to feed them?” A keeper offers, as she’s bringing up branches of leaves and several giraffes are already gathering eagerly at the sight of their lunch. 

“Feed them! I wanna feed them!” Eren shouts, rushing the poor woman. 

“Oi, Eren” Levi barks, giving him ‘the look’ and the boy cows, catching himself. 

“I would like to please feed the giwaffes” he says in a softer tone, and the woman goes ‘Awww’ at just how cute he sounded as she gives him a branch and tells him to hold it tight and offer it to one of the giraffes. Naturally, whatever Eren did, Mikasa did too, taking a branch herself and holding it up calmly. Levi takes the camera from Auruo to snap some pics. Of course since Mikasa is still a giraffe comes right up and bends its long neck over the rails, tongue extending out to wrap around the branch, then stripped it of its leaves. Mikasa gasps and her eyes are wide, and a wide, very rare smile covers her face. Levi snaps the camera. 

Eren is having more trouble, as the kid just can’t stay still and like usual, takes things too aggressively. “Giwaffe! Here! Eat mine!” he exclaims, waving his branch back and forth, so it’s almost impossible for the poor animals to grab at it, and they shy away in frustration. 

“Tch, Eren, no like this” Levi gives the camera back to an amused Auruo, and picks up Eren so he can get closer to the giraffes, holding the branch with him and keeping it still. Sure enough one of them comes over and starts to eat, and Eren seems stunned, in awe by it. 

“You can pet her. She’s very tame” the keeper suggests, and Levi lets Eren hold the branch and reaches out, stroking her strong neck, admiring the rippling muscle. He was just thinking he rather liked her when she turns her head and does the most digesting thing- licks, actually LICKS the side of his face, leaving a big, sloppy wad of saliva there. He exclaims loudly in disgust, jumping back, and Eren shrieks with laughter, giggling hysterically, as Levi barely contains a long stream of swear- words, wiping at his cheek with his sleeve in revulsion. Armin is waving his arm at Levi, calling “Da! Da da da!” in delight, as Mikasa giggles, looking up at Erwin. “The giraffe kissed papa!”

Erwin scolds Mike as Levi goes to wrangle the kids before he helps Armin feed a giraffe. The baby giggles and coos at it and his father, and Erwin murmurs softly to him as they feed the giraffe. Some of his attention is devoted to the rest of his family, as Erwin can’t help but want to keep an eye on his loved ones. Fortunately for him, their giraffe finishes quickly and Erwin and Armin have just turned to go back to the other three when the giraffe has the gall to reach out and lick Levi’s face.

Mike’s losing his shit over the earpieces, and he can see a couple of their plainclothes guard in his peripheral vision cracking up at the sight. Erwin and Auruo are both laughing because that’s hilarious. 

“Yes, the giraffe did kiss papa,” he agrees between bouts of laughter. The look of revulsion on Levi’s face just keeps making him laugh. “Auruo, please tell me you got that on the camera.”

“I got _video_ ,” he confirms with a grin. Erwin’s going to make a thousand copies of it. 

In his ear Mike is begging Erwin for a copy and he quietly shushes the man before Levi can overhear Mike and kill him for it. Confident that holding their youngest will save him from an ass kicking over what he’s going to say, Erwin leans in and makes sure to keep Armin between the two of them.

“It’s basically tea on your face, isn’t it?” he asks. His tone is innocent, but his eyes hold a wicked gleam. “It’s just wet leaf juice, Levi.”

Erwin’s predictions are right, as Levi whips his head around to him and he’s steaming – and not exactly in a good way. His cheeks are red, and even his ears have become a bright pink, a tell-tale sign that he’s really ticked off. Levi’s like a small but deadly time-bomb waiting to be set off at times. No way is he going to swear in front of the kids, but he does let loose a colourful stream of cusses in French. Levi will sometimes spoil Erwin by speaking in his native tongue to him in the bedroom, as he knows his voice sounds damn good when he speaks filth in the sexy-sounding language. It’s a good thing Erwin hardly understands the language though as some of the things Levi is saying would have been enough to make even Erwin blush. 

Eren seems a bit alarmed at his father suddenly starting to talk gibberish to him, and clutches his collar. “Hey-chow! Hey-chow what’s wrong?! Are you sick?!” he asks, as Levi finishes wiping his face and glaring daggers at his husband for that vastly inappropriate comment. Ooooh, boy he was gonna make him pay for that later some way or another. 

“No, Eren, papa just doesn’t like gross animals licking him,” he says. He looks at Erwin with a gaze that could kill. “Especially that one.”

Mike snorts through the headpiece. “Oh my god you two are just embarrassing to listen to. How long has it been since you had a good fuck to loosen up, Jesus Christ” 

“Funny I could ask the same of you, Mikey,” Levi growls into his headpiece, and they distinctly hear a cackle and someone going ‘Oooooooooh, burn”.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Armin is calling, patting Erwin’s face to try and get some attention through all this commotion. He is wriggling like crazy in his hold, and it’s not easy with one arm to keep the squirmer safe in his arm. He seems to want to go down and have a crawl around, but they have to wait until they go sit for that. It’s about lunch time, maybe they should go sit on the grass and eat their packed picnic now. They had hoped to maybe have seen more animals by now, but God, it’s exhausting with this lot.

Erwin isn’t intimidated by Levi in the slightest. He laughs at the comment and leans in to whisper in his ear while Armin is smacking him. “Then I guess I’ll have to do something besides lick it tonight,” he says, and pulls away. Armin wants down, but Erwin’s not about to let that happen since he can’t walk on his own yet. If he had two hands he’d been willing to help the boy, but he can’t balance Armin on his unsteady legs with just one hand. To distract his wiggling baby and calm him down Erwin bounces him. It’s a tactic that almost always works and it doesn’t let him down this time either. 

Armin giggles and wraps his arms around his father for a big hug. There’s a happy sigh from the boy that makes Erwin smile contentedly. He turns his head and presses a kiss to his cheek. Armin lifts his head to put on open mouth kiss on his in return. 

“What a good boy,” Erwin praises softly. They must be doing something right to be raising such a sweet child. 

“Hey!” Mikasa says suddenly. She tugs on his pants and gives Erwin an urgent look.

Erwin looks down at her, Armin following his gaze. “Gah!” says the baby.

“What is it?” he asks.

Mikasa steps closer to him. “I’m hungry!”

A slight twist of his wrist lets Erwin glance at his watch. It is around lunch time. “Do we want to take a break and go feed them?” he asks. In another half hour or so he knows all three of the kids are going to start whining and fussing and will need to take a nap. Erwin can use one himself: this is a hell of a lot more exhausting than he thought it was going to be.

Levi can also tell how the kids are starting to get fussy, and agrees with Erwin when he suggests having their lunch now. They check the zoo map and figure out where the eating area is located. As they make their way out of the safari exhibit, they pause to see the rhinos, zebras, some buffalo and a crocodile. Eventually they get to a nice flat grassed area under some trees, by the bird exhibits. It’s soothing to listen to the calls of the different birds right by them, and Mikasa in particular seemed interested in the flamingoes. While Erwin takes her and Eren to have a look at them, Levi unpacks the picnic. Armin lies on his back on the rug, blowing bubbles to himself, until he grows bored with that and rolls over so he can take off. He makes it nearly halfway to where his other papa and siblings are before Levi scoops him up. “And where do you think you’re going, young man?” he says, Armin wailing in protest at being taken away from his mission, but forgets about it when Levi lifts his shirt up to blow a big, wet raspberry on his chubby tummy. 

“EEEEEEEAUHAHAHAHA!” he squeals, laughing hysterically as he thrashes in his dad’s hold. Levi chuckles as well and lays him back down so he can tickle his sides and blow another raspberry on his stomach as his child wriggles like a worm under him. 

“Dada! Dada! No! No!” he exclaims, and Levi grins. “You want dada to stop, Armin? Do you want me to stop?” he asks. As he blows another wet one on his tummy Armin’s squeals growing in intensity. 

Over at the birds, the kids look back at where all the commotion is coming from their little brother. “Daddy! Daddy, me too! Me too!” Eren demands, tugging on Erwin’s hand, as Mikasa stares intently at the sign for the birds, matching the pictures she saw with finding the actual birds in the pen. She was very astute of a three year old. 

“Eren, don’t make Papa tired,” she scolds her overly-active brother seriously, but Eren just pouts, puffing his cheeks out and sticks his tongue out at her. “Daddy daddy! Pwease? Horsey ride! Horsey ride!” Then he tries to start to climb up Erwin’s back, wrapping his atoms around his wide waist and clinging to him like a monkey with his little legs wrapped around one thigh. This kid has no ends to his energy. Eren’s position pulls Erwin’s trousers down even with a belt holding them up. Eren giggles, eyes bright and cheeky. “Look daddy! I’m a monkey too!”

“Mikasa, sweetie, you aren’t Eren’s parent,” Erwin reminds her gently. Levi playing with Armin over there is cute – Eren practically pulling his clothes off? Eh, not so much. “Eren, why don’t you go help your papa get lunch out?” he asks calmly. The boy lets out a whoop of joy at the suggestion and lets Auruo shepherd him back to Levi. Only having to watch one toddler is much easier than having to deal with two of them. Mikasa is undistracted now, and asks for her father’s help in figuring which birds match up to which one. She’s going to be brilliant, Erwin just knows it. Hell, she’s already brilliant. His daughter is sweet and incredibly loving to her family. They haven’t even had the kids that long, and Erwin is already completely smitten with both of them

Once Mikasa is sure she’s found one of every kind of bird she takes Erwin’s hand and drags him back over the blanket. It makes him chuckle a little when she tells him that he _has_ to eat or he’ll get old too fast and never have any energy for play time. Erwin agrees with her even as she makes him sit down on the blanket and plops into his lap. Mikasa’s greatest joy in life seems to be taking care of her loved ones and Erwin feels like that’s a damn good characteristic to encourage – so long as she learns when to say no and to take care of herself.

They eat quietly, and Erwin enjoys the peace and quiet that comes from hungry toddlers stuffing their faces. Every now and then Mikasa will stop to feed bites of food to all of them, but especially to Eren. It’s adorable, and he sneaks pictures of it when he can get away with it. If Erwin stops eating for too long Mikasa gets annoyed and scolds him. She sounds a hell of a lot like her other father, something that Erwin finds endearing. That the kids love him so much to imitate him frequently is a wonderful thing, and he’d be a fool to complain about that.

Levi has packed a good, healthy lunch of ham, lettuce and cucumber sandwiches cut into small, manageable triangles for Eren and Mikasa, as well as diced apple and banana and a few sultanas. Each toddler has a fruit box, and he hasn’t told them yet, but if they eat all their healthy food, they will get a cupcake he made last night. He has made Erwin a roll of leftover roast beef and relish, and him the same, with fruit to fill them up as well. It’s always amusing to watch the kids eat. Give them even the smallest thing to eat and literally they would be working on it for an hour: one, because they’ll take a bite and get distracted and stop chewing properly, or two, because they took such small bites. In Eren’s case Levi’s pretty sure more food gets over his face than actually in his mouth. He eats like an animal, and right now he’s really excited by dinosaurs, so likes to pretend he’s a T-Rex eating, ripping at his bread and ham savagely. He gets Mikasa to pretend she’s some kind of herbivore dinosaur, and wants to give her his greens and he get her meat. Levi tells him no.

“But T-rexes don’t eat plants!” Eren whines, kicking his feet in a little tantrum. 

“So I guess T-rexes don’t eat cupcakes as well then?” Levi states, and Eren gasps as his dad gets out the container with the sweets. Eren knows the deal, and he instantly begins to wolf down his whole sandwich. Levi smirks a bit in victory as he returns to focusing on feeding Armin his mashed banana, his favourite food. 

“Here comes the choo-choo-train~” he coos, guiding the spoonful of banana to the boy’s mouth. Armin flails his arms a bit but obediently opens his mouth and Levi pops the spoon in, making sure he has time to get all the food as he pulls it out. Armin makes a happy face, wiggling, but he happens to spot Erwin making a face at Mikasa that he seemed to find absolutely hilarious, bursting out laughing and of course a blob of banana starts to ooze out. Levi clicks his tongue and uses his bib to wipe it away. “Armin, food goes _in_ your mouth! In!” He sighs as Armin decides he’s had enough and spits it all out. Eren knows if everyone hasn’t finished eating, no one gets cupcakes, and decides to help.

“Armin! No, like this! See?” The boy crawls over and sits, tugging at his baby brother, and Levi picks him up and settles the blonde between Eren’s spread legs. Eren gets a spoonful of banana, and eats it himself, and as soon as Armin sees him eating the food, he wants to copy him. “Bah! Bah!” 

Eren then feeds him the banana, and Levi smiles as Armin takes it all into his mouth happily. “What a good brother you are, Eren,” he encourages softly, Eren grinning widely with pride. 

“Mama says I have to be a good brother to everyone,” he says quietly, and Levi blinks, his expression falling just slightly. Sometimes Eren does this – relapses – with sudden recollections of his mother. 

“Did she now?” 

Eren hums in response, his brow furrowing a little. “I miss mama.” He looks at Levi with those bright, honest eyes. “Hey-chow, when will mama come back?” Levi’s eyes flicker to Erwin for help and then back to the toddler, who’s expecting an answer. He doesn’t know what to say. So Eren looks around to Erwin, where Mikasa has gone very still in his lap, eyes downcast. “Daddy, do you know?” Mikasa also lifts her gaze up to meet Erwin’s, expectant, almost hopeful.

Erwin meets Levi’s gaze and isn’t surprised to see him as lost as Erwin feels. This is a subject they haven’t really figured out how they want to discuss it with the toddlers, and Erwin’s mind comes up blank at first. He looks down at their beautiful children, still badly missing their mother, and is very glad they won’t remember the attack at all in a year or two. He bends his head to kiss Mikasa’s forehead, sets down his roll, and lifts his hand to play with her hair a bit. It’s a habit that formed rather quickly, and it relaxes him to do it.

“I think that’s something we should talk about when we get home,” he says gently. “We’re at the zoo right now, so I can’t really give you a good answer.”

It wasn’t safe to discuss Titan activity in public, and he definitely wasn’t going to have the kids pitch a fit in public if he could avoid it at all. Armin would start crying too, and it would draw attention to them and make Mike’s job much harder. 

Mikasa isn’t satisfied with the vague response, and pouts at him. Her little arms cross cutely over her chest, like she’s figured out he’s stalling. “Daddy,” she says flatly, tone strongly reminding him of his husband’s tone when Erwin’s just done something incredibly stupid. He smiles and rubs the top of her head, which he knows she likes, and she relaxes a little to cuddle into him more.

“I promise we’ll talk about it when we get home, but while we’re here I think it would be better to focus on the animals, don’t you? We’ll talk about your mom after dinner and I’ll tell you what I can, I promise.” Erwin looked up at Levi. This meant they were going to have to discuss it when the kids fell asleep, and figure out what the hell to do about it. Explaining this to kids who were too young to really understand the concept of death was probably going to be pretty damn difficult.

Levi is proud of his husband for his quick response. He can see how Mikasa doesn’t seem so impressed, and Eren still looks distressed, eyebrows knitted together, staring intensely at the ground. He’s very quiet – a rarity for the boy, so Levi reaches out and gives his nose a poke, which startles him into looking up, blinking. Levi smiles at him which makes Eren smile back a bit before picking up another spoonful of banana and return to feeding his baby brother. 

Suddenly, both Levi and Erwin tense. 

“We’ve got movement,” It’s Nile on his line, and Levi quickly places his fingers to his ear piece to better hear him. His eyes scan around the area, spotting Auruo and Petra in amongst the crowd of everyday citizens, listening to their earpieces too.

“Do we need to move?” Levi asks in a hurried murmur, not wanting to alarm the children, standing slowly and making a show of pretending to be brushing grass off his coat in case any Titans are watching nearby. The motion covers his hand closing around the loaded .49 Magnum in his pocket. 

“Nile!” he almost barks as he gets no immediate reply. 

“False alarm,” it’s Mike now, and Levi’s body loses its tense nature, relaxing slowly, hand leaving his pocket. 

“Sorry, thought I smelt something,” he apologises, and Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance. 

“Be sure next time, bastard,” Levi hisses before shooting a look to Erwin. The kids are oblivious to what had just upset them, finishing their food. Now Eren is impatient for that promised cupcake. 

“Can you walk and eat it?” Levi asks him, stooping down to get out the container. Suddenly he’s anxious to be moving after that minor scare. The kids nod and Levi stoops to pack up as Erwin sorts out Armin. When he straightens he winces, rubbing his leg, still not fully recovered from the incident. “What shall we see next?”

“Daddy should decide,” Mikasa says quietly, as she takes his hand, looking up at him seriously. 

“Yah! Daddy, you choose! You choose, but you know I really, _really_ like the heffalumps!” 

“Elephants, Eren,” Levi corrects him.

“Elephants!” he repeats, catching the accusing look his sister is giving him because this was meant to be daddy’s choice! “Or… if you don’t like them, something else…” he mutters, trailing off.

It takes Erwin a moment longer than Levi to relax. He quickly cleans up Armin, packs his roll away for later, and fastens the baby into his stroller. They need to move instead of just staying in one spot, and Erwin is tempted to march them all back out to the parking lot when it’s time for the kids to take a nap. A rest in the car will be safer and make it easier to bail if they have to without frightening the kids or causing a scene. 

The incident reminds him that they’re very vulnerable out in public, and so are the innocent civilians around him. As much as it violates the privacy of others, Erwin is tempted to try to get his political contacts to authorize full body scanners at the entrance to government-funded institutions so they can try to prevent these nutjobs from sneaking anything in. He takes a deep breath, keeps his mask carefully in place, and stands.

“We could stop and see the elephants on the way to seeing polar bears,” he suggests, trying to mollify both children at once. They can’t have either kid making a scene. He accepts Mikasa’s hand as she reaches out with her other hand for her cupcake. 

They set off as a group, though after a dozen meters or so Mikasa stops Erwin and demands to be picked up. He scoops her up and settles her against his hip. There’s a perk to it – she insists on feeding him bits of her cupcake to make sure he’s well fed and scolds him for not finishing his lunch. It’s so endearing, he can’t help the way his eyes soften when he looks at her and lets her fuss over him. Her caring nature should be encouraged, he feels, not discouraged.

When the family unit reaches the elephant enclosure, they’re in for a surprise. The zoo is doing elephant rides that day on one of the old bulls, a completely gentle giant. As soon as Eren realises this, all hell breaks loose. 

“Hey-chow! Hey-chow! Can I ride the heffalumps? I wanna ride the heffalump! I wanna ride the heffalump! I wanna-” 

“Eren, lower your voice please,” Levi says sternly, and the boy quiets, but is still demanding to have a ride, nearly pulling Levi’s arm off the way he was tugging. 

“Eren. where are your manners? How do you ask nicely?” Honestly, sometimes the boy just completely forgets everything he and Erwin teach him. He looks at both Levi and Erwin pleadingly. “Please, daddy, may I ride an heffalump?” 

“Me too, please,” Mikasa says quietly, squirming in Erwin’s grip to be let down, too excited to stay still now. 

Levi can’t say no now, and walks to the keeper and enquires about cost and such. He pays the man, and knows that it should be him to take the kids up as he has two arms to control them with. But this was a prime photo opportunity for Erwin. 

“Daddy, watch me! Watch me!” Eren squeals as what happened was the old elephant actually had to lift up the little children with his trunk and place them on his back. Levi is anxious about that at first, but the keeper assures him they will be completely fine. 

Mikasa, of course, faces the task head on and without fear, calmly stroking the elephant’s trunk with the keeper before it lifts her carefully. Her eyes widen and go bright and she bursts out laughing with delight as she’s placed safely on its back, Levi already there as he had climbed up its side on the little ladder there. 

Eren is more hesitant, staring at the animal’s big, slightly frightening eyes with apprehension. He looks back to Erwin. 

“Daddy!” he whines, running back to him and clinging to his pant leg, burying his face there and crying softly. 

“Come on, Eren! It’s not scary!” Mikasa calls to him from the back of the elephant, but Levi doesn’t know if Eren will be able to do it.

Erwin isn’t surprised that Mikasa has no reservations about being picked up by an elephant. As he pulls out the camera he notices that Armin is sound asleep and not awake enough to be confused by the strange behavior of his siblings. He’s just snapped a couple pictures of Mikasa when Eren runs and clings to his leg.

The camera is carefully placed back into the stroller as Erwin crouches to comfort Eren. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Scary,” Eren cries, and buries his face into Erwin’s shoulder. 

“It’s just an elephant,” Erwin tells him softly and lifts his hand to wipe away Eren’s tears. “Look, see how nice it is?”

The toddler sniffles, and turns his head to look at it before nodding. Erwin’s had enough experience with this one by now that he knows if they leave without Eren riding it he’ll be crying about it later. There’s one little trick he’s learned that will generally get Eren to do anything, and Erwin doesn’t hesitate to play that card.

He kisses Eren’s temple to further calm him. “Mikasa wasn’t scared at all,” he points out. “She just went and did it without fear and she’s fine, isn’t she? And look, papa’s right there, he’s not going to let you fall or get hurt, is he?”

It takes a moment, but Eren nods. “You come?” he asks, and Erwin agrees to walk him over there. He gestures and Auruo moves over to watch Armin as Erwin takes his son’s hand and brings him over to the elephant. Auruo takes over the camera work, he notices when he glances back. Good. He kneels next to Eren as they pet the elephant together, and when Eren feels like he’s ready, the elephant lifts him.

Erwin’s terrified Eren will startle it or scream or cry, but his face is complete shock for a moment and then nothing but innocent joy. “Daddy, I’m on a heffalump!” he exclaims. It gets a laugh from Erwin as he steps away to move back toward the stroller.

“You are,” he says, grinning. “Look at you.”

Now comes the amusing part, and that’s having Levi deal with a writhing, squirming, overly confident Eren. As soon as he’s safe on the elephants back he wants to do it all, starting to flap his legs and arms, yelling at the docile animal to ‘MUSH! MUSH!’ Levi doesn’t have to scold him however, as Mikasa tells him in a very serious voice to not be rude to the elephant and sit still. Eren of course listens grudgingly, gripping the pommel of the saddle tight as he begins to lumber off at a slow, rolling walk. 

It’s Levi’s first time on an elephant. He’s not scared, more anxious, and grips the saddle almost as tightly as his son. Mikasa seems delighted, and waves to Erwin as they pass him. Levi looks his way too and makes a face at the camera (Levi has never been so fond of photos), but is then distracted by Mike on the headpiece. 

“Lookin’ good, Aladdin,” he teases. Levi rolls his eyes. 

“Because that’s not incredibly stereotypical is it?” he responds, but Mikasa hears him and gives him an odd look. He distracts her by pointing to some monkeys they were passing in their enclosure. 

“Everything still clear?” he asks in a quieter tone, scanning around himself, but all he sees are peaceful zoo-goers, pointing to them aside the elephant. 

“Yes. Nile even got me an ice-cream” 

“Are you serious? What are you, four?” Levi hisses, but he can’t conceal the amusement in his voice at picturing the middle-aged man enjoying a Mr. Whippy cone.

“Don’t worry, he got some for you too. Erwin has them.”

Sure enough, when they loop back around the zoo and return to where they started, Erwin has the ice creams. Armin has woken up and is getting the sweet, frosty treat all over his face and hands in a big sticky mess. Great. Now he’ll need a bath.

“Daddy! Daddy, look! Look at me!” Eren screams over to him, waving frantically, as if it’s hard to spot them on top of a 40 tonne elephant. Mikasa waves too. The boy gasps and his eyes widen however at the sight of the ice cream. “ICE CREAM! Daddy’s eating ice cream!” He looks at Levi as if accusingly, and Levi goes along with it. He gasps in mock-horror. “You better hurry, Eren, before he eats it all!” 

Eren is positively panicked, and when they stop and he’s down on the ground again, he bolts to his other father, flinging himself at him, grabbing his shirt and pulling. “Daddy! Daddy! I want some! Pwease, I want the ice cream!” 

Erwin is expecting the reaction he gets from the ice cream. That's what he gets for agreeing to let Nile spoil the children that are practically his niece and nephews. Even Armin gets a bit of Erwin's, though he's loathe to give an infant too much, and it's only vanilla. More of it is getting on the baby's face than in his mouth, which is probably for the best. Erwin has taken a seat on a bench to watch his family, and he laughs when Eren tugs him down for ice cream.

“Okay, okay, but you have to sit down to eat this,” he says, relenting instantly to the childish innocence and enthusiasm his oldest son displays. Eren obeys ridiculously fast and looks up at Erwin expectantly. “Here – your favorite.” 

Eren's eyes light up at the treat, and Erwin unwraps the top and passes it to him with the stick part still wrapped – hopefully it will help keeps his hands less sticky. “Thank you!” Eren says, not needing to be reminded with a reward like ice cream to pacify him. Mikasa comes over more slowly, and requests to be placed in his lap before she happily takes hers and leans against him to eat it. She's light years ahead of Eren when it comes to eating neatly, so he doesn't worry too much about having her there and passes Levi his ice cream. Erwin returns to his own, feeling rather content for the moment.

Mostly, it's because his family is there and a good team of people are watching their backs this time.

Partially, it's because Armin isn't actually trying to throw his ice cream like he does anything else he gets his hands on these days.

The ice cream is eaten in peaceful silence and then Erwin gets all three kids properly cleaned up with wet wipes and makes the toddlers throw their trash away before they stand up to move again. Mikasa insists on being carried by Erwin again, and he suspects they'll have to put the kids down for a nap soon.

“We're going to see the polar bears now,” she tells him seriously, and he's touched she hasn't forgotten what animal he wanted to see. Armin chimes in with a ridiculous coo of delight that's quickly followed by a bit of fussing; now that he's awake he wants out of the stroller.

Levi doesn't eat ice-cream very much at all, mainly because of the mess the food creates, but sometimes he’ll give in, and today is such a day. At times like this – rare, short, tranquil times - Levi can almost forget everything: he can almost forget about Titans, all the deaths, and all the chaos. He can almost forget his horrific past. He’s been back on his meds for a while now, ever since he relapsed into that flashback at HQ. His OCD and anxiety have gotten worse too. The psychiatrist has helped him regain some control over his compulsive habits; he only checks the doors are locked four times now rather than eight and he only washes dishes one time around, not twice over. Small things, but they make a big difference. Erwin is wonderful to him through it all, and has been through all his rehabilitation. 

The little alarm on his digital watch goes off, and they both know what that means. Quietly, he leaves to the closest bathroom, prying Eren off his leg as he wants to follow, so he can swallow his pills in peace. They're large, bitter tasting things that stuck to his throat as he swallows them, making him gag slightly. 

“All good, soldier?” It’s Nile. Levi sneers a little bit. 

“I’m not a soldier.” There’s a moment of silence. 

“You’ll never not be.” 

Levi doesn’t reply to that, and walks back out of the toilets, seeing Erwin has prepared the kids to go. Eren runs to him, and wants to be lifted as well. Armin is restless to be held, so Levi takes a moment to put on Erwin the little device to strap Armin in on his back to carry. Armin loves being in it, as it means he is even closer to his daddy, and he squeals happily, wriggling like a worm once he’s in. 

“Yes, to the polar bears now, Mikasa,” Levi says with a little smile at the child, and she nods solemnly. Eren’s carried on his shoulders. 

They see the polar bears. Levi’s quite amused at Erwin’s enthusiasm. Eren likes to watch them when they swim. One actually swims up very close to the glass, looking out at them. It’s a massive animal, and Levi can’t help but hold back Eren just slightly in a protective manner. 

Levi catches Armin making a big yawn, nodding off on Erwin’s back, head resting between his shoulder blades. Eren also yawns, rubbing his eyes and leaning a bit heavier against his leg. Levi touches Erwin’s arm to get his attention. “I think it’s nap time for everyone now.” 

All the kids yawning and dozing make Erwin yawn. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees without a fight. If he thought the kids wouldn't throw a fit when they woke up, Erwin would just ask to go home now. Eren and Mikasa would, however, and their temper tantrums are not at all easy for him to deal with, no matter how good the other adults in his life insist he is at it. Just because he has slightly more patience than Nile with toddlers doesn't mean Erwin's a pro. He's just better at it than his childhood friend.

They start walking, and Erwin suggests heading back to the car as Mikasa starts to doze off against his shoulder. Mike agrees with him in his ear as it's an easier area to secure and easier to move if they see anything or anyone suspicious. They've also had their own people guarding the van all day, and they know no one has been able to mess with it. 

It's a long walk back, but Erwin's really looking forward to taking a nap. Wrangling toddlers all morning is more exhausting than he'd thought it would be. By the time they make it back, all three kids are asleep and go easily into their car seats for a nap, fortunately without waking up. Erwin cracks the windows to keep the van at a perfect temperature and turns his head to look at Levi.

He wants to sleep – oh, does he want to sleep – but first they need to discuss Mikasa and Eren's question, because he knows Mikasa isn't going to forget his promise to discuss it at home. Erwin does lean his seat back a bit, and turns his head to look at Levi. “How are we supposed to even discuss their mother with them?” he asks. Erwin reaches out his hand for Levi's. 

A troubled look crosses Levi's face, and he glances back at the three kids – their three, beautiful children – and he really feels at a loss as to what to say. How could you explain death to a child, let alone the cause of it being men who were total strangers? Not to mention the factor that Levi held himself accountable for the whole incident. 

He breathes heavily out his nose and leans back in his seat, looking at Erwin, and slips his hand into his offered one. “I don’t know. You’ve always been the tactician, not me,” he murmurs, even if he knows that excuse isn’t going to get him out of it. Not this time at least. “There isn’t a whole lot we can even explain to them that would make sense anyway, even to Mikasa,” he glances back at the girl, and at how peaceful she looks. She is by far the most rational between her and Eren, so she will pick up on it if they try to explain things to them in a more gentle fashion. 

“I guess that when the time comes, we’ll just have to make it up on the spot,” He shifts himself over in his seat so he can be closer to his husband, resting his head on his shoulder. He knows he shouldn’t, but he takes off the ear piece, but for now, so he can have no interruptions. His mind wanders a bit. 

“I worry though, about what we’ll do once they’re older. Mikasa is already so level-headed and rational, it’s a bit scary. But Eren… he’s just always so… so _angry_.” As if to prove his point, Eren makes a noise of distress in his sleep, probably having a bad dream again. Levi reaches back and caresses his cheek to sooth him, until he’s still, but there’s still a deep frown furrowing his eyebrows. 

Levi settles back, head resting against Erwin. “You know the other night he told me he wanted to be like you. He says he wants to fight the bad guys with his daddy.” He says this quietly, solemnly, as it wasn’t something Levi had been overjoyed to hear; in fact, it was what he fears most.

“Hell,” Erwin breathes after a moment. “We have years to talk him out of it, I suppose.” 

He will have to do his damnedest to defeat all of the Titans by then, so that his son doesn't feel the need to pick up his burden and carry on wherever Erwin leaves off when he's too old or too dead to fight. These sweet kids he loves so completely should never have to experience the horrors of Titan torture – or their negotiation techniques. He and Levi are haunted by their experiences, even as they've been hardened and made stronger by them. It's not something he can even stomach thinking about their kids going through. Erwin knows he would trade himself in for the kids without a thought.

Sighing, he gives Levi's hand a squeeze. He's right about Mikasa being too sharp; if Erwin didn't know any better, he'd think she's actually Levi's biological child. “She's not going to forget that I promised we'd this tonight,” he reminds Levi softly. “We've got to have some kind of explanation put together by then. We don't have to explain every little detail, since neither of them will understand it, but we need some way to explain that their mother was hurt too badly to ever come home. I don't think they're old enough to even grasp the concept of death. They can barely handle long-term memories and permanence at this age.” 

He watches Levi soothe Eren, and rests his head against the top of Levi's when he settles back against Erwin. “What if we just tell them that the bad men made it so mommy had to go away, and made it so that mommy can't come back? They're too young to know how to ask really detailed questions so a simple answer might work to pacify them. We can't give them all the details any way – they're classified.”

Levi grunts, not agreeing yet not denying Erwin’s suggestion, because frankly he has nothing better to offer. He doesn’t believe in talking down to kids, and he doesn’t believe in sheltering them from the real world; however, there is a big difference between being a realist and not wanting to permanently fuck up a child’s mind, like his had been. “Sounds like a plan to me, Commander,” he mumbles, with an almost playful glint in his eye, as he resettles against his chest and lets his eyes slide close if not just for a few seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When [nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com) and I first started RPing, a family trip to the zoo was the original intent. One guilt trip from Levi and a Titan attack later, we still don't know what the hell happened. Hey, they finally went to the zoo! Enjoy some (mostly) fluff for the next couple of chapters at least. Reviews are read, loved, and appreciated. We both see every comment you make. c:


	7. The Part After the Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t get away from them, Erwin.” He’s speaking almost too quietly to understand now. “I hear their voices, they tell me things, whisper to me in the dark. Their screams haunt me.” He slips down, but Levi feels Erwin follow, down to the floor where Levi crouches, trembling. “The medication does nothing. I fucking _hate_ it. As soon as I stop swallowing those fucking pills, the voices come back instantly,” he hisses, the grip Levi has on his forearm leaving bruises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyy, there's blood in this chapter, descriptions of blood, talk about trauma associated with blood, but there are also cute kids, so there's that.

He sighs heavily as he hears a loud wail come from the living room. Putting down the bowl he had been holding, he quickly wipes his hands on a tea towel as he rounds the corner to the living room, where Erwin is on the floor with a wailing Eren. If looks could kill, Levi’s expression would be a murder weapon.

They had come home from the zoo in the afternoon, and even after a nap, the kids had all been tuckered out. Now it is closer to evening and Mikasa and Eren have just woken up from their second nap, but they had to wake them up as if they sleep too long they won't sleep at night. Levi had left Eren and Mikasa with Erwin to play as he got dinner ready, but from the looks of it the combination of Erwin’s tired and distracted nature right now and a grumpy Eren aren’t matching. 

“What happened?” he asks, walking to the boy and picking him up, who willingly snuggles close and snuffles into his shoulder. 

“F- fell… hit my h- head on hard…”

Levi manages to decipher than Eren had somehow tripped and hit his head on the coffee table, probably because not all of Erwin’s attention had been trained on the boy. This isn’t the first time it has happened either. Sometimes Erwin lets the kids get a little too rough with their play and then there are bumps and bruises and lots of tears. 

“Shush, it’s okay, daddy’s just an idiot” Levi coos, shooting his husband a disapproving look, leaving him sulking like a kicked puppy as he takes Eren back to the kitchen to finish dinner. “You can help papa cook, non?”

Eren’s eyes light up a little and he squirms. “Oui!” 

Levi smiles and chuckles, kissing his cheek gently. He has hopes the kids will start to pick up on some of his native tongue. 

If looks could kill, Levi would be dead right now. Erwin hasn't forgotten about what Eren told him at the zoo, and he's definitely not forgiven Levi for that. It's not healthy for kids to hear their parents talk about each other like that and he hasn't done anything to warrant that anyway. Supervising three kids was tough even with two arms – Erwin had watched Nile's brood enough to know that back before the incident – and supervising one fearless toddler, one overly-active toddler, and an infant who was using his new-found abilities to scoot to something, pull himself up to it, and knock everything off or put it in his mouth would be tough even if he wasn't down to one arm.

Which he is.

Eren has a knack for waiting until Erwin's back is turned or his left arm is occupied with the baby before doing something absolutely stupid. There was no way he could have gotten to Eren in time, and anyway, toddlers are meant to make dumb choices and get bruises. The situation had been under control, Erwin had been comforting Eren and working to calm him down. 

He's silently fuming on the couch as he supervises Mikasa “reading” a book to Armin on the floor, the two of them cuddled up against a cushion propped up against the couch. Armin's been fascinated by books since he was six months old, and when he isn't trying to eat them he's happy to cuddle and be read to. They're behaving fine, so he pulls out his computer to do actual work stuff. Doing work at home during family time will piss Levi off, but right now he doesn't care. He needs a distraction and reading over reports is something he considers to be oddly soothing. It's easy enough to keep an eye on the quiet two like this, but when Mikasa picks up on his mood, she turns to look at him.

Their eyes meet, and he shakes his head slightly, just to see if she can read him well enough yet to catch his meaning. She seems to understand that he just needs some time to himself, and goes back to reading to her baby brother – but not until she's shifted to snuggle into her daddy's leg. Armin, thankfully, is oblivious. 

Erwin manages to get through several reports before he has to move to stop Armin from crawling off. Levi's already mad at him, so he figures he might as well just commit as many offenses at once as possible. It's not going to do any more harm than good. He puts the kids on the couch, Armin on his lap and Mikasa snuggled into his right side, and lets them watch cat videos with him that has Armin staring in surprise and Mikasa giggling into his shirt.

There. That was better. It puts him in a much better mood, enough that he can hide his feelings well enough until it's time to talk about them. First though, they need to eat dinner and try to explain to the toddlers where their mom is before putting them down for the night. Then Armin.

Then, Erwin has a bone to pick with Levi.

Levi knows its not fair to be so hard on Erwin. He knows he does his best, and he knows he would never, ever intentionally hurt the kids, but it always seems that when they are just with Erwin, they come back battered and bruised. To Levi, nothing is more precious than their children. He had made a promise to protect Eren and Mikasa. He has a duty to fulfill, and he is not planning to let that person down. 

“Now Eren, can you hold the spoon for papa?” Levi asks in a light tone, as he goes back to the stove top, offering it to the boy. He of course takes it, waving it around a bit, but at least is occupied so Levi can get another pot on the boil. Now he has to do some dicing, so he sets Eren down, but he gives him a saucepan, and instantly he begins his own little drumming concert, banging the pot with the spoon, and shouting as he did. Okay, not such a good idea. 

“Inside voices now, Eren, remember daddy is tired,” he reprimands him softly, and Eren nods, tapping the pot very gently with intense concentration. Levi smiles and ruffles his hair, getting back to it, but just then the door bell rings. 

“I’LL GET IT!” Eren screams, bolting off before Levi can say a word. He quickly checks the little screen that shows the front door from the camera, and relaxes as he sees it’s just Hanji. He had nearly forgotten she was going to come around and drop something off for Erwin. 

Levi is just around the corner to the entrance hall when Eren manages to jump high enough to open it. At seeing who it is he cries out in delight. “Aunty Hanji!” he exclaims, throwing himself around her waist, and she laughs, scooping him up and swinging him above her head. Levi jerks forward, instinctively wanting to tell her to watch it, but he stops seeing how delighted Eren is. 

“Hey there squirt! How was the zoo?” 

“It was great! We saw monkeys, and bears, and birdies and gwiaffs, and I rode a helffalump!”

She gasps, eyes wide. “Did you? Wow!” 

Eren keeps babbling and she looks to Levi and smiles, lightly punching his arm in greeting. “Sorry to come around so late, but these files couldn’t wait. Erwin through here?” 

Levi grunts, and she raises an eyebrow. “Uh oh. Trouble in the nest?” 

“No, every things fine,” he says, taking Eren back, telling him they had to finish dinner now, leaving Hanji to seek out Erwin herself. 

As soon as Mikasa spots Hanji her reaction is pretty much the same as Eren. She runs to her and she picks her up, kissing all over her face, making her squeal and kick. Armin spots his mother and his eyes widen, and he cries out a loud “MA!” before trying to climb out of Erwin’s lap to get to her. Armin absolutely adored his biological mother, and she returned those feelings ten- fold for the boy. Erwin and Levi had made a very conscientious decision on letting Hanji be a big part of Armin’s life. They want him to know his mother. 

“There’s my little man! Woah, look how big you’re getting!”

“He’s a big boy,” Mikasa says with pride, as she lets herself be put down for Hanji to pick up Armin, who instantly puts his little arms around her neck and tries to snuggle as close to her neck as he can, babbling nonsense the whole while. She kisses the side of his head tenderly, holding him secure, then looks at Erwin. 

“All ship shape on deck I assume, Cappy?” she asks, inclining her head just slightly to the kitchen where a broody Levi is.

“Hey, Mikasa, why don't you go help papa and Eren finish dinner so we can eat even sooner?” Her eyes widen at a suggestion that might get them food sooner, and she nods and goes. Erwin pats the cushion next to him when she's gone, an invitation for Hanji to sit down. Having to monitor two toddlers in the kitchen will drag things out and keep Levi distracted enough for him to bitch a little.

“No,” he answers softly so Levi and the kids don't overhear. “I'm frustrated. He keeps saying very unkind things about me to the kids, and Eren repeated some of them aloud at the zoo today for me.”

Erwin sighs and reaches to let Armin's hand grip his finger when he reaches for his dad, hoping that will suffice as he's not willing to take him from Hanji unless he has to. “He's been telling them I'm a softie, that I'm old and slow, and told Eren a few minutes ago I was an idiot. I intend to talk to him about it tonight, when the kids are in bed. It's not a healthy thing to say to a kid, right?” His dad and mom had never, ever done that. His aunt had done it to his uncle all the time and his parents had constantly gotten after her for it, reminding her that it gives kids a terrible impression of what healthy relationships should be like. 

“I don't mind him venting to another adult,” he continued. “I don't. It's healthy to get feelings out, even if he never talks to me about them directly. Things have just been tough lately and I'm worried that I'm overreacting to it.” Erwin was fairly certain he wasn't though, and it showed on his face when he looked at Hanji.

Hanji listens to him rant of course, if you could call it that, while she bounces Armin on her knee, the baby giggling and making soft sounds of delight at the movement. Hanji can’t help but crack a smile at these ‘insults’ that Levi has said about him. Softie, old, slow and an idiot? Well, if you had to describe Erwin in five words or less… 

But she lets him finish before he speaks. And when he does she gives him a look that just seemed to say ‘Really?’ At his affronted look she spoke her mind. 

“I don’t know about what kind of perfect family you were raised in Erwin, but for most those are considered as loving compliments,” she snickers. “Come on, think about it. Do any of those words actually _not_ describe you? Don’t try and protest idiot – he didn’t say you’re stupid, but sometimes you can be so dense.” He still doesn’t look convinced. 

Hanji sighs and readjusts Armin. “Erwin, the kids adore you more than anyone else in their lives. Do you really think Levi using a few endearing terms are going to affect what they feel for you? I know the kids are smart, but they aren’t that brilliant yet.” 

As if to support this Armin sneezes and a big blob of snot comes shooting out, still connected by a long green string. He looks more shocked than anything at what he produced. Hanji takes his bib and wipes it away. “By now I would have thought you would be used to Levi’s ways of showing his affection. I mean come on he still calls Nile a dirty pig and we both know how much he likes him.” 

A pause as she thinks that over. “Well, now at least,” she chuckles, putting Armin down as he’s fussing, watching him as he scoots across the floor determinedly. She now drops her tone a bit. “Besides, it may just be him relapsing a little. You know how he gets to talking to himself and recounting things on his own. More than likely he doesn’t even realise what he’s saying to the kids when you aren’t around. He’s still on his meds, right?” She looks at Erwin now, her expression only showing concern. 

Of course. He's overreacting after all, at least in Hanji's mind. He'll text Mike about it after dinner and see what he thinks, just to be sure. Anyway, as long as it keeps Levi happy, there is nothing he can bring himself to do about it. He doesn't bring up that the comments had started with Armin before the relapse – she'll just laugh it off as their son was too young to understand anyway. 

Carefully keeping his expression normal so it won't mirror the ache in his chest he suddenly felt, Erwin nods his head. If he can do nothing else right tonight, he can at least reassure Hanji of Levi's condition after she has listened to him. “He is,” he confirms. “And he made an appointment to see his psychiatrist in a couple of days when we got home. There was a false alarm at the zoo today, and I think it shook him up a little more than he was expecting it too.”

That combined with the attack that had orphaned the kids made Erwin's mouth fall open as he remembered something else important to bring up with Hanji. “I have a question to ask you regarding all that, because we can't figure out how to explain it to the kids and they're asking a lot of questions about where their mother is, but I want to show you something first. Armin said a new word today. Armin. Come here.”

Armin turns his head to look at his father, and gives him a big grin. There's a toy in his mouth and he takes it out and laughs at Erwin. “Come on, come here,” he says, gesturing with his hand to try to encourage the baby over to them. Armin shows him the toy in his hand, looks at Erwin, then at Hanji, and says, “No!”

Erwin grins, and looks over at Hanji to see her reaction. He's so excited that their boy has learned another word – one he doubtlessly picked up from his papa – and he's happy to share the news with Armin's mother as well. “What did you say?” he asks, grinning at the baby and feigning offense. “Armin!”

“No!” the baby says again, and scoots a little closer.

“No?” Erwin asks, sounding utterly scandalized.

Armin bounces in place. “No,” he says again.

Hanji is thrilled, clapping her hands, her expression nothing but ecstatic. When Armin’s close enough she picks him up, holding him out. “Armin, you learnt a new word! Did you learn a new word?”

“NO!” he cries again, so proud of himself, not knowing why they were so happy with him but he doesn't care, so he keeps on doing it to make them still happy. 

“Nononononononononono!” 

Hanji laughs and kisses him, lifting his shirt then and blows a large, wet raspberry which of course sends him into hysterics. “He’s so smart, just like his daddy,” she hums, giving Erwin a warm smile. Of course, Armin is equally her genes too, and Hanji isn’t exactly at the bottom of the ladder IQ-wise. Combined, Armin has the potential to be a genius, even if it doesn’t really work that way. 

Mikasa walks in then, running up to Hanji’s knees. “Papa asks if you are staying for dinner, Aunty Hanji,” she says politely. Hanji smiles. 

“No, I just came to give your daddy some work stuff. But tell papa I say thank you.” 

Mikasa nods and runs back into the kitchen to report this. Hanji then stands and gives Armin back to Erwin, who wails a bit in protest at leaving his beloved mothers arms. “I’ll leave you to it. Play nicely now,” she says, giving him a hug and clapping him on the back. “Bye, Levi!” she hollers, and they hear Levi call back a goodbye, Eren and Mikasa running out for some parting hugs and kisses. 

Fortunately it happens when the kids are out of the kitchen. As Levi is slicing the meat his hand slips and the deadly sharp knife cuts down his finger in a long line. It’s clean, but deep, and bleeds a hell of a lot. Levi has never, ever had problems with blood before, but for some reason when he sees the red liquid blossoming on his finger and trickle down his hand and arm…

Bile rises in his throat, and he drops everything and runs to the bathroom. Eren just comes around the corner and sees Levi dash away. “Hey-chow?” he calls in confusion, going to follow him, but he’s closed and locked the bathroom door. Standing at the sink, the water running on full, he shoves his whole hand under it, turning the water red, but it doesn’t stop, keeps bleeding and bleeding, and his breathing’s getting heavy and heavier.

Later on, Erwin will be glad that Hanji hadn't left yet when Eren came running to tell him something was wrong. He passes Armin back to his mother, and heads into the kitchen. Levi isn't there, but there's an awful lot of blood in the sink. After poking his head out to ask Hanji to keep the kids there for a moment, Erwin follows the trail to the bathroom and bangs on the door. “Levi!” he calls, but there's no answer. 

Fortunately, they keep a small key to the bathroom doors over top of them, and Erwin grabs it and unlocks the door. “Levi?” he asks, and looks down at the sink. There's a lot of blood, and Levi's just running it under the water. He seems to be panicking, but Erwin is willing to risk touching him anyway to take care of the wound. There's a hand towel nearby, and Erwin shuts off the water, grabs the towel, and wraps it around Levi's hand so he can put pressure on it.

“Levi!” he calls again, trying to snap his husband out of it.

Levi’s lucky Erwin came in when he did: if he had been alone with his thoughts for much longer there was a very real risk of falling into relapse again. Erwin’s touch makes him physically jerk, and when he calls for him another time, louder, he gasps, as if resurfacing from drowning, his eyes which had been unfocused and staring at nothing in particular flicking up and finding Erwin’s sky blue ones, filled with concern. 

“I- I- I couldn’t stop them… I couldn’t stop the blood…. all the blood…” he hisses, tears coming to his eyes. He’s babbling, babbling about things that were far in the past, that had nothing to do with his cut, but the blood had acted as a trigger. “G- Gunter…” his voice breaks at saying his former second-in-command who had never made it back from Titan capture. “I couldn’t stop the blood… so… so much… b- blood,” his voice finally cracks and gives out then, and his small frame is shaking violently as he buries his face into Erwin’s front, hands gripping his shirt, the blood from his wound seeping into the expensive cotton fibers. He sobs harshly, his breathing erratic, and it’s a reminder of how very human Levi really is. How fragile he is. How easy it can be to break him. 

“I can’t get away from them, Erwin.” He’s speaking almost too quietly to understand now. “I hear their voices, they tell me things, whisper to me in the dark. Their screams haunt me.” He slips down, but Levi feels Erwin follow, down to the floor where Levi crouches, trembling. “The medication does nothing. I fucking _hate_ it. As soon as I stop swallowing those fucking pills, the voices come back instantly,” he hisses, the grip Levi has on his forearm leaving bruises.

“Good thing you’re seeing your psychiatrist tomorrow,” Erwin murmurs. He shifts them around so that he’s leaning against the cabinet under the sink, and keeps a tight pressure on Levi’s wound. It’s still bleeding badly, and he’s going to have to let Hanji take a look at it, since she has way more first aid and medical experience than he has. 

“Levi, we’ll get you sorted out. What happened wasn’t your fault, however much survivor’s guilt you bear. You’re okay now, you’re safe, and they don’t suffer anymore.” His tone is firm, but gentle, the one he’s discovered works best with trying to calm Levi down. Erwin shifts to grab another hand towel and place it over the first one. Levi’s still bleeding, and Erwin needs to know if they need a family visit to a hospital or not.

“Hanji!” he calls. The kids will have to see the blood, but it’s never too soon to start teaching them how to deal with an emergency situation. If they’re brought up knowing to react calmly, it could serve them all well as adults. Armin won’t understand, but Erwin knows his two three-year-olds will. “Levi’s bleeding pretty badly, and I can’t slow it down. Can you come take a look?”

There’s an affirmative from the living room, and Hanji comes to the bathroom, Armin in her arms and the two toddlers behind her. Eren’s and Mikasa’s eyes are wide at the sight of it, torn between fascination and disgust. “Papa hurt?” Mikasa asks, cautiously following her aunt into the bathroom. Hanji sets Armin down next to her and takes over holding the towels in place for Erwin, who stands to wash his hands to he can help Hanji wrangle the kids.

“Yes, papa’s hurt,” Erwin confirms, turning his head to keep an eye on the kids. The toddlers move to kiss Levi’s cheek, and Eren pronounces him “all better, okay, Hey-chow?”. Armin contents himself with plopping his head down on Levi’s leg and babbling happily up at him as though he hasn’t seen Levi all day. Erwin hopes the love and warmth from their family will help Levi back further away from relapse. The kids are a bright anchor for them both in dark moments, and a reminder not to lose themselves to the past, as they now have three bright futures to look forward to seeing, as well as their own.

The kids’ presence does a lot to help Levi. Having them come in, and seeing their expressions of concern for him, brings him solidly back to his reality: he’s a father of three children, and they above anything else, are his priorities. 

“It’s okay, papa was an idiot,” he murmurs, glancing at Erwin slightly as he says that. He catches his eye and he hopes he accepts his abstract form of apology for earlier. 

Eren giggles. “Idiot papa!” he repeats, and Levi indulges him, agreeing with him and pulling him closer. Mikasa is looking very seriously at his hand, mumbling things to Hanji, like she has a professional opinion to give. Armin, not getting the attention he wants and not liking all the action, flops his way over to his other daddy and pulls his pant legs until he manages to stand upright on wobbly legs. 

“Yep, I think you’re gonna need stitches Levi,” Hanji murmurs, and Levi grumbles under his breath. What a damn nuisance. 

“Dinner’s gonna be ruined,” is all he mutters as he stands, still holding the towel there. Hanji rolls her eyes, telling him that Erwin can handle it. Speaking of which – Levi turns to his husband. 

“You’ll be okay?” The kids all chant their wishes to go with Levi to the hospital, but Levi calmly explains that they can’t, as he has a special mission here for them. They gasp and insist on knowing what it is. Levi catches Erwin’s eye and smirks, before stooping and crooking his finger to indicate the kids come closer, and they do, listening intently to his lowered voice. “I need you to stay here and watch daddy, okay? You make sure that he gets to eat all his dinner and doesn’t fall asleep in front of his laptop again, alright?” Eren giggles but Mikasa looks extremely solemn, nodding vigorously. She would be set on this mission. Levi smiles and kisses them both, then kisses Armin and finally Erwin. “Sorry about this… I won’t be long.”

Like he could possibly stay angry in this situation. Erwin’s gone from grumpy and irritable to worrying over his husband in no time flat. He’s just glad Levi’s okay and will only need stitches, and that Hanji was here to help with the kids. When Levi stands and kisses the kids, Erwin leans down so Levi can kiss Armin, who he had picked up when the baby came over demanding his father’s attention. His lips linger over Levi’s for a moment in acceptance of the apology and as a gesture of comfort. Hopefully Levi won’t have another flashback and attack the doctors or something; at least Hanji will be there. Erwin kisses the top of Levi’s hand as he straightens, and he and the kids see them out the door. The base’s hospital is only a couple of blocks away, at least, so he knows Levi will be back within a couple of hours.

When he gets back to the kitchen, dinner is indeed ruined. He straps Armin into his high chair and gives him some Cheerios and some toys to play with, and tells the kids to stay in the kitchen. Before he even bothers to clean, Erwin orders a pizza for them, not caring if Levi gets mad about it. It comes just as he finishes cleaning the kitchen and starts the dishwasher, and he cuts up the kids’ food so they can eat it more easily. Armin plays with his, but accepts Erwin’s spoonfuls of baby food and cereal. The leftovers are wrapped and put in the fridge for Levi.

By the time his husband comes home, Erwin has all three kids bathed and in pajamas, and has passed out in his recliner with a sleeping toddler on either side of him and Armin out cold in his lap, resting his head on Eren’s shoulder and his sleeper-clad feet in Mikasa’s tiny lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We both read and love all of your comments and appreciate you taking the time to say something. [nakedirohtime](http://nakedirohtime.tumblr.com) and I both appreciate you sticking with us. The next chapter will be awhile coming out - we had some delays in writing it because I originally just injured my shoulder, but now my lower back is joining it in a show of solidarity against my tyranny and I'm in quite a bit of pain. We're working on it though, and I think we've nearly gotten through it.
> 
> It's fluffy, but I wouldn't expect that to last forever if I were you.
> 
>  **Note added 6/30:** My writing partner is going to be out of her country and unavailable for a month. So what I'm going to try to do is finish editing chapter 8 this week and get that up, and then we'll be on hiatus until late August - early September so we can try to write ahead a chapter or two of where we're at. Thanks for sticking with us!


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